(S23) - PT 4 - The Butterfly Effect

[Slothman07]

As you probably remember, after my good-for-nothing husband Stan left me penniless and without means to support myself, I went back to school ate age 57 to earn my degree in English Literature at Golden Gate University, where I discovered my passion for the most beautiful game of pigskins. The most difficult decision I ever faced was on that field, the Golden Gridiron. My daughter was in the hospital giving birth to my first Grandchild, Robby, on the night of the championship game of my sophomore season. Family is family, so of course I was there for the birth; I even caught him when he shot out. But when I saw there was time for me to make it for the final quarter, I spiked that baby right down and sprinted across town, running right onto the field just in time to sack the Anaheim Flat Tires’ star Quarterback, Jaguar Milenko. I sacked him three more times consecutively, allowing our offense to rob that clown of a championship in his senior year. Was it hard to hand off that sweet, slimy little baby? Yes. Was it heartbreaking to see the tears in my daughter’s eyes as I ran out of the hospital room? Yes. Was it awkward when I caused a twelve car pileup on the way to the game when a yellow-cab t-boned me and I left it crumpled in the intersection with the imprint of my powerful thighs still in its grill? Of course. But was it worth it to watch Jaguar Milenko’s faceprint-stained tears running down the front of his uniform as I handed him the game ball, knowing he would have to live with the shame of this ass-whoop-whooping forever? Absolutely.