(S23) - PT 4 - The Butterfly Effect

[qWest]

I've always used sports and athletics as coping methods and as a way to process and understand my emotions. For my whole life, as far back as I can remember, I've been constantly involved with something. Early on that thing was kendo, which helped me learn to focus and control myself and my thoughts and emotions. After I moved to the US, jumping into learning and playing football not only helped me connect with the people and culture in my new home, but I also learned to use the aggression and passion of the sport as an outlet.

I had struggled with anxiety in my life since I was young, but I used sports to process or ignore those feelings, at least until I couldn't. Halfway through my sophomore season at the University of Washington I suffered a high ankle sprain after getting decleated during a game against Washington State. During the next 6 weeks as I struggled to rehab and get back on my feet, I fell those dark thoughts and feelings overwhelm me. I had spent so long running as fast as I could away from myself and when I couldn't run anymore, it all caught up to me. I found myself placed under a lot of scrutiny and attention as I decided to sit out the remainder of the season, despite being cleared to play for the playoffs. I knew that I need to extend my physical therapy to include personal emotional and psychological therapy to confront my anxiety head on. I used the pain and despair of this injury and of my fight with anxiety to reorganize and reform myself and to build myself up to be a better man and a better football player. After going through a season in the DSFL and another season and a half in the NSFL, I am so grateful to have had that chance to reflect on myself, as I don't think I would have been able to withstand and succeed in the world of professional football without having that experience.

-Tatsu Nakamura