(S25) - PT 1 - Opening Statements

[gls]

I think it's pretty much done and dusted at this point that the Minnesota Grey Ducks will be winning the DSFL this season. We have an absolute STUD quarterback who slangs that ball. His mustard is so spicy it'll make your eyes water. Our offensive line is full of absolute monsters. They swallow up incoming linemen like they're an all you can eat buffet. And our defense? The defense has so many sacks you'll need one hundred pounds of potatoes to fill them up. Not to mention the Ducks are getting so many interceptions Jameis Winston is getting Vietnam flashbacks whenever he hears quacking. We can pound the turf and run the ball down the throat of anyone we want or we can throw that ball through the sky like a plane coming in for a smooth landing. Our receivers are so good at catching the ball that their gloves are inspected for super glue after every match and our running backs are getting tested for PEDs before and after each game but those tests all come back negative. This is the result of pure bred American muscle and high octane play. The coach whips these boys up into such a frenzy we come onto the field frothing at the mouth ready to dominate anything that gets in our way.