8) I would like to make the case for L'Gazzy Burfict, the London Royals standout linebacker, for the Linebacker and Defensive Player of the Year awards. With a game left in the regular season, Burfict is second in the league in tackles (129), first in the league in sacks (11), tied third (tied first for linebackers) in forced fumbles (2) and tied tenth (first for linebackers) in pass deflections (9).
Do I need to continue? I would hope not, but for point task purposes I shall. Burfict has shown the ability to stop the run, rush the passer, and cover the pass to an elite level. His athleticism combined with defensive instincts and a nastiness - he seems to take any yards given up personally - make for a truly formidable player. The Royals could pretty much play him anywhere in the defense (except possibly defensive tackle) and he would be great.
Let's have a deeper look at those stats. Burfict gave away only two penalties all season, so he wasn't hurting his team at the same time as helping them. He found the backfield for a sack or a TFL in 9 of the 13 games played so far. He has missed only 6 tackles in the 1,575 snaps he has played so far this season, giving him a tackle success rate of 95.6%. He made double digit tackles in 9 of the 13 games so far.
So, who is his competition at linebacker? Richard Leaking of the Dallas Birddogs is a tackling machine, but with only 2 sacks and one pass deflection, he can't compete with Burfict's versatility. Donald McBobby's 10 sacks nearly match Burfict's 11, but McBobby has 40 fewer tackles. Thomas Rose of Kansas City and Vincent Jones of Tijuana have both had great seasons, but neither has a serious case for winning an award when compared to L'Gazzy Burfict. You know what? The more I look at it, the more I realise this one should be open and shut.
What about for Defensive Player of the Year? At cornerback, Hoffman, Anabender and Blackwell all had great years with 4 picks each, but one doesn't truly stand out above the others. Three picks for two touchdowns mean that Moe Skeeter of Portland is the most likely free safety to win, but three isn't an elite number of interceptions for a season. Tony Yeboah notched 10 sacks from the strong safety position... that's actually kind of nuts. As for linemen, Primo Berto and Ernest Lover both had outstanding seasons, and should win the awards at their respective positions, but this one looks slightly out of their reach. To summarise, it's closer, but it's still Burfict.
20) Rather than doing this the usual way, let me present two linebackers to you in stats form. I won't list their full stats, just how they compared to each other.
Player A: +2 FF, +2FR, +3 Sacks, +2 Pass Defenses
Player B: +64 Tackles, +1 TFL, +2 Interceptions
Now, just hang on for a second. I know which player I would rather have playing linebacker, but let me finish my thought. I would say the forced fumbles and recoveries roughly equate to the two interceptions, as both ended plays and forced turnovers. Cancelling those against each other, we get
Player A: +3 Sacks, +2 Pass Defenses
Player B: +64 Tackles, +1 TFL
So, with turnovers accounted for, what next? Well, what's the difference between a sack and a TFL? It's on the quarterback, obviously, but what advantage does a sack confer that a TFL doesn't? Literally nothing. They have the same outcome. Another bit of cancelling gives...
Player A: +2 Sacks, +2 Pass Defenses
Player B: +64 Tackles
I can't reduce this any further. Which player would you rather have?
If you said Player A, seek help.
Yet that's exactly the choice that the voters made when they gave Alejandro Chainbreaker (Player A) the Season 23 DSFL Linebacker of the Year and Defensive Player of the Year awards over Juan Domine (Player B) in a season where Domine went sixth on the all time single season tackles list. Blaming all the voters would be crass, though - Domine got votes on all but three of the ballots for both awards, with one team failing to mention him on either ballot. I'll leave you to tactically guess which team that was.
25) Some cool activities (and the Arizona Outlaws that would win them) are:
Competitive eating. Man - if Plop Miller wasn’t a defensive tackle, he would probably be doing this for a living already. Arizona’s beloved clogger of toilets and running lanes would smash the competition here. “But Crunk,” I hear you say, “competitive eaters aren’t usually big guys!” OK, but imagine a man mountain like Miller learning the hot dog water dip technique and training his stomach first. Joey Chestnut wouldn’t stand a chance - neither would the league.
An ultramarathon. Clearly all ISFL players are elite athletes (just kidding, linemen are fatties) and many could put up decent marathon times with a bit of effort. But what about the extreme mental and physical torture of an 100 mile race? Who could possibly stand up to that? Step forward Jay Cue, the king of mental torment. Interception after interception, Cue has no concept of what stopping is. That level of drunk stubbornness would see him cruise to victory.
MMA - Why not get rid of the ball and just let our boys fight it out? Defensive backs may cower in fear at the thought of physical contact, but I think most of the league would be up for this one. You need speed, strength, technique and the burning desire to hurt people. That’s right, it’s Galf Wilf, the nastiest defensive player in the league. Wilf would sack a quarterback if he saw one in the street - that’s just the way he’s wired - he’d have no problem taking down a Baltimore cartoon player in a gi.
Do I need to continue? I would hope not, but for point task purposes I shall. Burfict has shown the ability to stop the run, rush the passer, and cover the pass to an elite level. His athleticism combined with defensive instincts and a nastiness - he seems to take any yards given up personally - make for a truly formidable player. The Royals could pretty much play him anywhere in the defense (except possibly defensive tackle) and he would be great.
Let's have a deeper look at those stats. Burfict gave away only two penalties all season, so he wasn't hurting his team at the same time as helping them. He found the backfield for a sack or a TFL in 9 of the 13 games played so far. He has missed only 6 tackles in the 1,575 snaps he has played so far this season, giving him a tackle success rate of 95.6%. He made double digit tackles in 9 of the 13 games so far.
So, who is his competition at linebacker? Richard Leaking of the Dallas Birddogs is a tackling machine, but with only 2 sacks and one pass deflection, he can't compete with Burfict's versatility. Donald McBobby's 10 sacks nearly match Burfict's 11, but McBobby has 40 fewer tackles. Thomas Rose of Kansas City and Vincent Jones of Tijuana have both had great seasons, but neither has a serious case for winning an award when compared to L'Gazzy Burfict. You know what? The more I look at it, the more I realise this one should be open and shut.
What about for Defensive Player of the Year? At cornerback, Hoffman, Anabender and Blackwell all had great years with 4 picks each, but one doesn't truly stand out above the others. Three picks for two touchdowns mean that Moe Skeeter of Portland is the most likely free safety to win, but three isn't an elite number of interceptions for a season. Tony Yeboah notched 10 sacks from the strong safety position... that's actually kind of nuts. As for linemen, Primo Berto and Ernest Lover both had outstanding seasons, and should win the awards at their respective positions, but this one looks slightly out of their reach. To summarise, it's closer, but it's still Burfict.
20) Rather than doing this the usual way, let me present two linebackers to you in stats form. I won't list their full stats, just how they compared to each other.
Player A: +2 FF, +2FR, +3 Sacks, +2 Pass Defenses
Player B: +64 Tackles, +1 TFL, +2 Interceptions
Now, just hang on for a second. I know which player I would rather have playing linebacker, but let me finish my thought. I would say the forced fumbles and recoveries roughly equate to the two interceptions, as both ended plays and forced turnovers. Cancelling those against each other, we get
Player A: +3 Sacks, +2 Pass Defenses
Player B: +64 Tackles, +1 TFL
So, with turnovers accounted for, what next? Well, what's the difference between a sack and a TFL? It's on the quarterback, obviously, but what advantage does a sack confer that a TFL doesn't? Literally nothing. They have the same outcome. Another bit of cancelling gives...
Player A: +2 Sacks, +2 Pass Defenses
Player B: +64 Tackles
I can't reduce this any further. Which player would you rather have?
If you said Player A, seek help.
Yet that's exactly the choice that the voters made when they gave Alejandro Chainbreaker (Player A) the Season 23 DSFL Linebacker of the Year and Defensive Player of the Year awards over Juan Domine (Player B) in a season where Domine went sixth on the all time single season tackles list. Blaming all the voters would be crass, though - Domine got votes on all but three of the ballots for both awards, with one team failing to mention him on either ballot. I'll leave you to tactically guess which team that was.
25) Some cool activities (and the Arizona Outlaws that would win them) are:
Competitive eating. Man - if Plop Miller wasn’t a defensive tackle, he would probably be doing this for a living already. Arizona’s beloved clogger of toilets and running lanes would smash the competition here. “But Crunk,” I hear you say, “competitive eaters aren’t usually big guys!” OK, but imagine a man mountain like Miller learning the hot dog water dip technique and training his stomach first. Joey Chestnut wouldn’t stand a chance - neither would the league.
An ultramarathon. Clearly all ISFL players are elite athletes (just kidding, linemen are fatties) and many could put up decent marathon times with a bit of effort. But what about the extreme mental and physical torture of an 100 mile race? Who could possibly stand up to that? Step forward Jay Cue, the king of mental torment. Interception after interception, Cue has no concept of what stopping is. That level of drunk stubbornness would see him cruise to victory.
MMA - Why not get rid of the ball and just let our boys fight it out? Defensive backs may cower in fear at the thought of physical contact, but I think most of the league would be up for this one. You need speed, strength, technique and the burning desire to hurt people. That’s right, it’s Galf Wilf, the nastiest defensive player in the league. Wilf would sack a quarterback if he saw one in the street - that’s just the way he’s wired - he’d have no problem taking down a Baltimore cartoon player in a gi.
![[Image: kZQaK3s.png]](https://i.imgur.com/kZQaK3s.png)
![[Image: mK4dAxg.png]](https://i.imgur.com/mK4dAxg.png)
