(S25) - Ultimus Week

[Baron1898]

6) Write 800 words or more on something that interests you. It could be related to statistics, to a league issue you take seriously, or a niche part of history that doesn’t fit neatly into either of the above categories. This must be directly related to the league, so don’t wax 800 words about your team’s Werewolf server. Be warned that freedom comes with risk, and this category will be judged especially stringently for anyone trying to spew complete nonsense.

The awards show is already concluded, and Venus Powers won KOTY by an overwhelming majority of the vote (deservedly so). How did the field stack up this year? I’m going to rank every single kicker’s season from worst to best based solely on kicking stats, so punters are just out of luck.

#1: Venus Powers
49/49 extra points, 35/36 field goals, 46 long

This shouldn’t be controversial at all. Only one missed kick over the entire season gives Powers arguably one of the strongest kicking seasons in recent memory, especially considering that up until that missed kick, Powers set the record for the longest consecutive kicks without a miss (133, beating Iyah Blewitt) and consecutive games without a missed kick (29, beating Micycle McCormick), both by pretty solid margins. No attempts from beyond the 50 yard line, but her accuracy more than compensates.

#2: Blago Kokot
39/40 extra points, 28/29 field goals, 57 long

A strong showing by Kokot, who probably should’ve taken Kicker of the Year home if not for Venus Powers and who deservedly placed second in voting. One of four kickers to miss two kicks, Kokot tied for the longest kick of the year (57 yards being the traditional barrier of accurate kickers) and tied for the league lead in 50+ yarders with 2.

#3: Jake Fencik
37/37 extra points, 31/33 field goals, 47 long

Fencik barely missed out on second place, boosted by not missing any extra points on the year but just knocked down by Kokot on the virtue of kick distance. Still a very strong showing by Fencik - let’s see if he will become the latest talented kicker to fall victim to the Philly curse.

#4: Matthew McDiarmid
39/41 extra points, 23/23 field goals, 45 long

Mr. McDiarmid likely isn’t very phased by being placed fourth on this list, since his team is enjoying two straight Ultimus victories. Still a good kicking year, just not a particularly long one, and missing two extra points hurts.

#5: Karmichael Hunt
31/33 extra points, 27/27 field goals, 56 long

Hunt is the lowest ranked of the four two-miss kickers, also missing both of them via extra points. He finds himself a nudge below McDiarmid since the latter edges him on volume.

#6: Dougie Smalls
37/38 extra points, 30/32 field goals, 51 long

Smalls had a pretty good year for a pretty mediocre team. Smalls found himself frozen out of awards contention by being on the cusp of the top five, but three misses over the entire year is nothing to sneeze at, especially since only one of them was a shanked extra point. Also he got Punter of the Year, so there’s that!

#7: Alex Dasistwirklichseinnachname
51/53 extra points, 27/28 field goals, 46 long

I’m pretty sure the veteran kicker is either very close to or has already passed Turk Turkleton’s volume records for field goals and extra points over a career. The benefits of playing your entire career for Orange County I suppose.

#8: Sam Sidekick
37/38 extra points, 28/30 field goals, 53 long

The last of the three miss squad, Sidekick was about as league average as a kicker can be. He finds himself below Alex D. because of the gap in volume, once again courtesy of Orange County being a broken dynasty.

#9: Pseudo QB
44/46 extra points, 31/33 field goals, 56 long

The kicker whose name is quarterback missed two apiece for each category but did land a 56 yarder to smooth things out a tad. He also enjoyed a good bit of opportunity in volume, even though Austin ended up missing the playoffs.

#10: Datsum PhastBawls
33/34 extra points, 36/41 field goals, 57 long

Here’s where we start to see a precipitous drop off in kicker performance. PhastBawls only missed one extra point over the entire year, better than many of the peers above him on this list, but missed 5 field goals on an 87.8% accuracy, both the worst in the league. His volume and ability to knock in easier extra points keeps him higher on the list.

#11: Jacob Small
51/55 extra points, 29/31 field goals, 47 long

Conversely, Small only missed two field goals but missed four extra points, the easier kick to make. His 92.7% extra point accuracy is second worst in the league, only slightly dampened by the context of his high volume.

#12: J.J. Jay-Jamison
44/47 extra points, 35/39 field goals, 53 long

JJJJ and the kicker below him are splitting hairs in terms of performance. Neither did that well this year, missing three extra points and four field goals apiece. The difference is purely volume: JJJJ kicked one less XP and two more FGs, so the edge goes to him.

#13: Silver Banana
45/48 extra points, 33/37 field goals, 57 long

Colorado gets to pick #13 in the draft for the second year in a row. Just a coincidence.

#14: J. Thomason
20/22 extra points, 15/16 field goals, 47 long

Thomason ended up starting only 15 games, splitting snaps with journeyman Lefty Louis. His 90.9% extra point accuracy is actually the worst in the league, so even though his volume is low, his precision leaves much to be desired.

#15: Lefty Louis
17/17 extra points, 15/15 field goals, 46 long

Technically this is the sixth ever season in history without a missed kick all year. Having only played in 7 games, it hardly counts, and such low volume gives Louis the bottom rung by default.