(S26) - PT 1 - Keep the Change You Filthy Animal

[Slothman07]

A New Life in New Orleans

A Treatise on Change, by Dorothy Zbornak

There are pivotal moments in life when a single decision has tremendous effect on everything to come afterward. I recall two such moments in my own life: The night I walked out on that cheating bastard Stanley, and the night I made the choice to leave the Liberty and join the Second Line.

After my cybernetic horse lung transplant still failed to get me into the starting lineup in Philly, I began to spiral. My life was a haze of cheesecake and anonymous sex. I wasn’t training like I should have been, as I had maxed just about all the relevant stats for a Defensive End. I wasn’t pushing myself, and when you stop moving forward, you may as well be moving backward.

Then, one night, as I sat smeared with cheesecake in the glow of my laptop reading and re-reading the offer to move to New Orleans, I had an epiphany. With the click of a mouse my entire life changed; I switched positions, allowing me to continue to challenge myself, I got a pay-raise, which I used to upgrade from my studio apartment in South Philly to a townhouse in the French Quarter, and I got onto the starting lineup in the greatest party town in all of history.

As I sit here on a bench in Jackson Square, stuffing my face with Beignets and trying to type this out on my phone through the veil of powdered sugar, I can’t help but think that I made the right choice, and the best part of the saga of Dorothy Zbornak is yet to come.