(S26) Ultimus Week

[StadiumGambler]

17) You’re in charge of entertainment for the Ultimus or Ultimini half-time show. What would you do?

Well much like the NFL counterpart, I feel we need someone that the music industry actively promotes as being good that isn't really that good, in order to produce an un-entertaining halftime show that tries to cater to other demographics instead of the loyal target one that matters. After roughly forty minutes of research, I think The 1975 is the right band for the job. I've listened to two songs and they sound a bit like U2, so they're off to a great start in terms of being subpar. Plus they're British, and the ISFL desperately needs to break into those foreign markets to SPREAD THE GAME~! while places like Seattle go team-less.

Also, we need a meme mascot dancing based on the legendary alternate timeline Left Shark from Katy Perry. I feel accidental pedobear would not be a bad idea here, but perhaps a more subtle approach is needed. Perhaps a drunken Haluhua mascot would be apropos after the team's miserable 3-13 season?

Also, the field conditions need to be made as miserable as possible by the stages and props and such, leaving some nice gouges in the turf in order to maximise grisly player injuries and crowd entertainment for such a spectacle of a game.

---

18) Write about another sim league you are in and which parts of it you enjoy. If you are only in the ISFL, write about your ideas for a sim league with another sport.

I'm actually a veteran of two sim leagues. I'm in the Simulation Hockey League as Nick Brain, an experienced British forward drafted 11th overall in the SHL's iconic Season 46 class by the Winnipeg Jets, who I intend to be a one-club guy for. In the SHL I've had an up and down time, to say the least. On one hand, I've been in some great LRs with great people, and done some cool media projects on site, like breaking down a sim-blessed team's use of Gameshark, or importing a bunch of prospects into a hacked NHL 94 for Genesis ROM and doing an all-star game. On the other hand, I had a fairly disastrous GM tenure that set the team back big time, although some of it was circumstances outside my control such as sims, some of it was short-sighted trades going for the quick glory instead of the long haul.

I also was in the Simulation Basketball Association as Gerald Eddy, a Shooting Guard who was property of 7 teams in 9 years. I was considered a respected journeyman there who would be missed by the league upon retirement, and I had a good time mingling with a lot of the users on the general league Discord, learning a bit about basketball and talking about stuff. I had fun writing a few really good articles for the site (although the 500 word count was a bit much.). I don't intend to hit that league up again due to word requirements but I got what I wanted out of the league: my first ever ring at a pro level in sim sports. Heres to hopefully another in the DSFL!

---

20) Pretend injuries are a thing in the ISFL and your team has had a lot of them lately – so many that your GM has asked you to play out of position. What position are they asking you to play and what about your player build will help you succeed in this role?

While Spence is not on an ISFL or DSFL team yet, he'd step up in case of injuries for a couple positions. Ostensibly a wide receiver, Spence can act as a Tight End in certain spots. While his blocking and strength are not up to starting Tight End caliber, Spence has the size and speed to be a bit of a matchup problem for certain linebackers and safeties, and has good enough leaping ability and body control to catch the ball in awkward places.

Spence could also put in a shift at Running Back. While not a traditional RB in terms of build or speed, Spence has some power, tackle breaking ability, and enough common sense to hit the holes the offensive line gives him. Spence is sent out on occasion to run the reverse play in his old college and semi pro teams, and does it to reasonable effect. Spence could be good enough at Running Back to keep defenses honest, and can also be used to great effect as a receiver out of the backfield on 3rd down.

Spence could also fill in for an injured Kick Returner if needed. While Spence does lack the top line speed, he can break some tackles, and has the proper enthusiasm that you look for in a special teams player.

---

25) How or where would you celebrate with your teammates after winning an Ultimus or Ultimini?

Well for Saleem Spence, the first stop of the night would be an ethnic food place. Saleem's parents tried to give him a taste of culture every now and then with some South African home cooking, and so Saleem would scour whatever city he was in for some good Potjiekos, an ethnic meat and vegetable stew reliant on minimal stirring in order to create flavour differentiation between the top and bottom parts of the pot (Vegetables up top, meat down below).

Next up, Saleem would hit up the local nightclub and get some bottle service going, while eating some fries or whatever bar food said club would serve. Spence isn't partial to hard liquor or vodka, but enjoys a good beer every now and then, and would order some artsy looking craft lager beer with subtle caramel flavouring, or whatever the typical alcohol snobs order these days.

With Saleem drinking less than the others, he would be designated driver, and would make a quick stopover at a loaded convenience store to pick up some Sharpies and other stuff before dropping his friends off at a hotel, where they would promptly be drawn on big time with Sharpies, and perhaps given a shaving cream goatee and some shaving cream in their shoes. Saleem would then retreat to his hotel room giggling and call it a night.