Connor Quigley was eating four plates of baby back ribs at a local Chili's one day, quietly sobbing into his tall glass of straight margarita mix, when he saw a notification flash on his phone. It was a number he did not recognize, so he put down a half eaten rib, lazily wiped the tangy barbeque sauce off of his chubby sausage fingers, and opened the text. It read...
"Quigley babay, what's poppin!! This is Chet Fartbox, the producer for reality shows on MTV such as "Your Painfully Average Life" and "How Much Cheese Is Too Much Cheese"! I just wanted to hit your line and say I am such a huuuuge fan!! I wanted to personally reach out, and see if you'd like to be a part of a new show called "The Loneliest Football Man"! It's gonna be a show about the slobbiest and saddest football players in the ISFL, and we're gonna follow them around with cameras and just film them going about their days! So when this idea was pitched to me, I immediately thought of you!!! Let me know broski, would love to work with ya! - Chet Fartbox"
Quigley put the phone down, as a solitary tear rolled down his flushed and sauce-stained cheek. He thought for a moment, and came to a decision. He unlocked his phone, and began typing...
"I am disgusted. I cannot believe you would approach me with something like this, it is embarrassing, and insulting. Never come at me with anything like this again, or I WILL sue you into oblivion.
... that being said, please put me on the too much cheese show. Thanks.
- Connor Quigley"
"Quigley babay, what's poppin!! This is Chet Fartbox, the producer for reality shows on MTV such as "Your Painfully Average Life" and "How Much Cheese Is Too Much Cheese"! I just wanted to hit your line and say I am such a huuuuge fan!! I wanted to personally reach out, and see if you'd like to be a part of a new show called "The Loneliest Football Man"! It's gonna be a show about the slobbiest and saddest football players in the ISFL, and we're gonna follow them around with cameras and just film them going about their days! So when this idea was pitched to me, I immediately thought of you!!! Let me know broski, would love to work with ya! - Chet Fartbox"
Quigley put the phone down, as a solitary tear rolled down his flushed and sauce-stained cheek. He thought for a moment, and came to a decision. He unlocked his phone, and began typing...
"I am disgusted. I cannot believe you would approach me with something like this, it is embarrassing, and insulting. Never come at me with anything like this again, or I WILL sue you into oblivion.
... that being said, please put me on the too much cheese show. Thanks.
- Connor Quigley"
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