(S2) - PT #2 - Locker Personalization

[Bzerkap]

What’s my locker look like? Well, I would say it’s pretty Spartan. I’ve got my street clothes, my uniform and pads, all nicely done up by the training staff, and my helmet sits up top. What more do you want? It’s a locker, it’s where I keep the stuff I need for games and practice. I really don’t see why you’re interviewing me for this, the way more interesting piece is what my locker is made of.

You see, I’ve got a thing for wood, and before you guys jump all over me, No Homo ©. No Homo is a copyrighted phrase by Grab ‘Em By The Pussy LLC, a subsidiary of Trump Athletics. Trump Athletics has given express written consent for use of the phrase in this interview.

So this wood I’ve got you might have noticed a nice pinkish hue to it that I’ve polished to a high shine. The scientists call it Berchemia zeyheri, I believe the locals call it umgoloty, but I like to call it my Cosmopolitan Copse, No Homo ©. Trump Athletics supports alliteration, they have the best alliteration, the best.

Anyway, I get the wood from a sustainably grown, locally empowering grove in South Africa, I probably spent my whole rookie salary on it. Story has it that this wood was only allowed to be used by royalty prior to the 19th century, so I think that says all you need to know about me. I want my locker to be the best, just like I’m the best out on the field. I don’t need anything but the extremely dense and hard wood, No Homo ©, of that locker to remind me of the commitment needed to succeed.