My first act as head coach would be to bring the whole team to McDonald's and buy them happy meals. However, before any of them ate, they would all have to tell me their favorite color. Then each player had to go around correctly say everyone's favorite color. This is to help build team chemistry as well as understanding between the players. However, if they got any color wrong, they didn't get the toy in their happy meal. I would then give out the first happy meal to the star quarterback. This guy was a big hotshot jock, you know the deal. He'd grab a fry and put it in his mouth. I would then smack him on the back of the head with a hamburger and say "Is this the trash you're all feeding yourselves?" I would do this to keep the team on their toes and ready for any situation. They would not be fed. I'd them take them out to the practice field. I would implement my classic system: the 2 QB shotgun. It's like a normal 4 wide shotgun formation with a running back, except the running back is the backup quarterback. I would teach the team my signature play, called “The Ship of Theseus.” The ball would be snapped to the quarterback, who would then lateral it backwards to the other quarterback, and they would do this back and forth, moving backwards down the field, distracting the defense, while the rest of the offense forms a wide circle around the best wide receiver. Once the circle is formed, the quarterback with the ball which pitch a high pass to the middle of the circle for the wide receiver, and the rest of the offense would guide the "ship" down the field. If a player had to disengage from the circle to block, then the players around him would come together and shrink the circle. This would be repeated for infinite touchdowns for an easy win. It would be beautiful win, perhaps even record setting at the high school level.
I would then be promptly kicked off the team for my horrible treatment of the players. I would fashion a statue of myself and send it to the school, who would promptly dispose of it.
I would then be promptly kicked off the team for my horrible treatment of the players. I would fashion a statue of myself and send it to the school, who would promptly dispose of it.
