Having heard a fight had broken out at practice over some trash talk that got just a bit too personal, the coaches rushed to alert me in my stasis chamber (I don't practice). "WHAT IS YOUR PURPOSE FOR DISTURBING THE GREAT JIMI?" I bellowed throughout the amphitheater that was built just for my meditative purposes. "Please oh great Jimi," general manager Lip Stache pleaded, "Matt Cross insulted Negs's mother, and only you can defuse the situation." I slowly nodded then summoned 0.0001% of my psychic power to break out of my stasis chamber and float, in a cross legged position, to the practice field. "YOU FOOLISH MORTALS CONCERN YOURSELF WITH THE VULGAR BUSINESS OF ONE'S MOTHER, YET YOU REFUSE TO UNLOCK YOUR INNER POWER." There was a not a player that wasn't hanging their head in shame. They suddenly understood how shallow their arguments with one another were and how badly they needed guidance from me, their spiritual leader. "WE SHALL REMEDY THESE DAMAGED EGOS THROUGH AN EXPLORATION OF THE MIND." I then instructed everyone to move into the downward dog yoga pose and repeat the classic "Om" meditation sound. Soon none of the players could even remember there was fighting. Cross and Negs hugged for a long time. In fact, it sort of started to creep everyone out. Uncomfortable, I flew away again, this time to my base on the moon.
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