(S30) Ultimus Week

[shadyshoelace]

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14.

This was quite an interesting season for the Baltimore Hawks, who were coming off a stretch of terrible seasons following organizational discontent that led to a total rebuild of the team from the ground up. The team has done a great job drafting great users and players over the past few seasons and looks to be on the come up, but expectations for the season thirty campaign were mixed, with some analysts still down on the Hawks' low TPE totals and anticipating another weak season, while others expected the team to turn a corner with continued growth from a slew of up and coming prospects on both the offensive and defensive sides of the ball. The team got off to a hotter than expected start at the outset of the season, winning its first game against the Honolulu Hahalua and then taking home victories in two of the next four contests, including two impressive road wins over divisional foes in the Chicago Butchers and Philadelphia Liberty. However, the Baltimore faithful's newfound optimism would soon be shown to be misplaced, as the team would fall to a .500 record by week eight. Two of the team's four wins to this point were by one score, while all but one of their losses were in multiple score blowouts. Not the most exciting proposition, but hey - a win is a win. After this, though, the wheels would really begin to fall off in the Charm City, as the team would embark on an eight game losing streak to finish out the season, resulting in yet another last place finish and yet another first overall pick. While this may seem demoralizing to outside observers, you may be surprised to hear that spirits have never been higher in the complex, with constant chatter and comraderie among the players and management, who are still bought into the long term viability of the team even though this season did not reflect the growth some hoped to see. Quarterback Gimmy Jaroppolo Jr was a bright spot at the most important position on the field, finishing his rookie season with rankings in the top half the league in major efficiency metrics like completion percentage and passer rating, a great season for a first year passer the sets him up nicely for a rookie of the year award bid. The future remains bright in Baltimore, and the league can expect to see the team undergoing a meteoric rise in the coming years and ultimately ascend to the highest echelons of the league.

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21.

With the sim change from Draft Day Sports Pro Football 16 to DDSPF 21, the league has seen some interesting changes in terms of both on-field and off-field results. Firstly, as a former General Manager who spent countless hours conducting sim tests to achieve the optimal win rate each and every week (and ultimately burned out and retired for exactly that reason), it is interesting for me to hear from many GMs that sim testing is no more due to the difficult and complicated interface. I am slightly jealous, but also curious what impact this has on GMs' abilities to gain competitive advantages over others. I also look to the ways in which certain positions have been impacted, which overall seems negative to me. Many defensive positions, from the line to safeties and even some linebackers, are complaining about the newly reduced stats they're seeing in the new sim. Cornerbacks get many more stats, which is good for a traditionally unheralded position, but I'm not sure trading three or more positions for one is a good move. On the offensive side, quarterbacks and wide receivers have benefited from a passing revolution that is putting up some of the highest numbers in league history, which I view as a negative. I've heard people say that no one wants to make any position other than wideout, which certainly isn't a good thing for the league overall. As a running back I've seen many of my contemporaries suffer compared to the ease of playing RB in the old sim, but as a receiving back I can't complain too much.

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22.

As the new czar in charge of Ultimus entertainment, I think there are some big changes to be made to the halftime show off the biggest game, starting with the fact that the act should not be a massive, superstar musical performer. This event is about the football players, dammit, who have worked their little butts off to reach the highest pinnacle of the game and they deserve to not be upstaged by folks who don't risk life and limb for glory each day. Instead, I would add a new direction to the festivities: close-up magic. You might be thinking, shady, why would you recommend close up magic for a show where nobody is close up? They're all so far away! To which I would say, exactly. These magic dweebs need to know that they aren't the star of the show. Their paltry tricks (sorry, illusions don't hold a candle to the blood, sweat, and tears put in by the members of the football teams. Also, jumbotrons exist. C'mon, the actual football game is also pretty small to the naked eye. Also, maybe to round out the show we can add in some animal performers, people love animals who do cute things. Probably dogs because they rock.