(S31) Ultimus Week

hotdog · 10-25-2021, 11:15 PM

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15. Going to Disneyland! Who was the Ultimus Game MVP? Give us a rundown of their celebratory trip to Disneyland. (Can be completed after the Ultimus game)

Welp it's been a few days and I still actually don't even know who was in the ultimus, let alone who won it, let alone who might be MVP, so now seems like the perfect time to click a few links and find out. Lol wait really? Hahalua won? I feel like they were garbage just a couple of seasons ago?? Wow, congrats to them legitimately. Checking out the box score I see one clear candidate for Ultimus MVP and it's Lalo Salamanca - 8 receptions for 130 yards and 2 touchdowns wow! Congrats to Lalo Salamanca on this incredible ultimus performance. Fields was a beast on defense with 5 deflections and a pick, but Salamanca gets the prize here. Salamanca went crazy at Disneyland, filling himself up with an ungodly quantity of popcorn - for some reason, this was his favorite, and he ate two full massive containers of popcorn. Good on him, he deserves to do what he wants! Camera crews caught Salamanca hunched over holding his stomach later in the day though, perhaps a result of the two massive tubs of popcorn and several souvenir sized pints of ale that he managed to slug down along the way. still a great day for the MVP i'm sure, despite the tummy troubles.

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19. If your player had a show starring them, what would the plot be? Graphic Option: Create the cover art for your player’s show

DB Jadakiss would be featured in a reality show about his rap career. This show would follow Jadakiss around, primarily in the recording studio. It would detail Jadakiss's commitment to community involvement in his native Yonkers, NY neighborhood over on Warburton Ave. It would document his friendships with longtime LOX partners Sheek Louch and Styles P. Actually honestly Styles P would be a better subject for a tv show cuz he started his juice bar business and all that but anyway that's not the point since here we're following Jadakiss! In fact, perhaps J will occasionally go and help Styles P at the juice bar, there we go. It would also document how he's able to balance his musical career with a career in the International Simulation Football League as a safety for the Arizona Outlaws. Jadakiss is dedicated to both of his crafts, a life balance that seems difficult to attain, so following him around to see how he manages to be so great at two separate careers at once will be incredible. Co-stars in the reality show will include Sheek Louch, Styles P, Fabolous, Swizz Beatz, Chuck Roth, Rich Triplet, and Ragnar Krashwagen. The show will be rated TV-MA for language, implied drug use, and discussion of mature themes.

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28. Choose one existing award. Tell us why you think a certain player should win that award this season. Stats, or anything else possible should be used to support your case.

Glancing at the S31 index, there seem to be several obvious candidates for certain awards. Looking at the QB stats, Mattathias Caliban seems to have blown everyone else out of the water in terms of touchdowns and yards both, and seems to be a lock for quarterback of the year as well as most valuable player, I'm guessing. Goat Tank has a similar case for running back of the year, pacing all running backs in both yards and touchdowns again. Honestly pretty difficult to disgree with those. My favorite award to award this season, though, and this one should probably be a runaway as well, is kicker of the year. There are kickers with more extra points, with more field goals, and with longer longs than Jacob Small, but Jacob Small is in my mind an easy winner of this award, and it all comes down to accuracy. Across the league, we see some decent field goal percentages, but no one is even in the 90s. Taipan Pete is closest, just shy of 90 at 89.3% field goals made. Jacob Small sits head and shoulders and honestly even torso limbs and waist above the competition at a staggering 100%. Dude didn't miss a field goal the ENTIRE season, and the next closest in percentage missed three. To boot, Small didn't miss a single extra point either. He couldn't have possibly had a better season as a kicker, so props to him.