My cause is just: the ASPCA. Dogs are great, thus I like them; the ASPCA or any local shelter I happen across usually receives a donation. The fundraiser would be a black tie affair; rich people have the most money and I’m happy to leverage my newfound fame for the benefit of our furry companions (dogs, not Micah Hendrix).
The event would be at a posh hotel, and open with the Liberty Four (Fox, Paul, Micah, Perry) singing the Liberty Fight song. Then I’d briefly speak about how great dogs are, because what other creature is basically condensed happiness shoved into a furry tail-wagging meat-sack, and then maybe roll a clip with sad music about how so many dogs aren’t yet adopted and the staggering costs of running the shelters. I’d then, preferably with a tear in my eye, relate how as a young child lost in the woods, I was saved and led back to civilization by a stray dog, who my family adopted and named Robot and eventually he died of lead poisoning because we lived in an old house with lead paint and he kept licking the walls, because he wasn’t the brightest, but that just makes dogs all the more special.
At that point we’d go around taking pictures, signing autographs, and collecting juicy donation checks from all the people who already paid a significant amount just to be there in the first place. I’ll miss you Robot, you furry little moron.
The event would be at a posh hotel, and open with the Liberty Four (Fox, Paul, Micah, Perry) singing the Liberty Fight song. Then I’d briefly speak about how great dogs are, because what other creature is basically condensed happiness shoved into a furry tail-wagging meat-sack, and then maybe roll a clip with sad music about how so many dogs aren’t yet adopted and the staggering costs of running the shelters. I’d then, preferably with a tear in my eye, relate how as a young child lost in the woods, I was saved and led back to civilization by a stray dog, who my family adopted and named Robot and eventually he died of lead poisoning because we lived in an old house with lead paint and he kept licking the walls, because he wasn’t the brightest, but that just makes dogs all the more special.
At that point we’d go around taking pictures, signing autographs, and collecting juicy donation checks from all the people who already paid a significant amount just to be there in the first place. I’ll miss you Robot, you furry little moron.
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