(S23) - Ultimus Week

[puolivalmiste]

14) Create a championship banner for your team, including relevant players and iconography. Graphics only. +2.5



16) Lay out the steps you think your team should take over the offseason to improve. This must be more than just a list over an image. Graphics only. +2.5



18) Create a billboard, magazine cover, or video game cover depicting a superstar of the league. Graphics only. +2.5



20) Show your player hoisting the championship trophy. Graphics only. +2.5



Total: 7.5 / 10

[MattressCadaire]

Task 12:
This is my first and only sim league, so it has been quite the experience going through all this for the first time. I am no stranger to fake online sports leagues, as I play fake baseball in the MLR league (go Marlins). However, the differences between fake baseball and simulation football account for a completely different experience that I am still getting used to. In fake baseball, I am in control of my own performance (to a certain extent) which was hard to let go of once I created my fake sim football player. It was a cool concept to me in terms of earning points to assign to different stats and choosing from different player archetypes to model my playing style. But I think coming from fake baseball, I can’t help but feel helpless watching my player run around on the simulation and end the day with 2 tackles. It has taken some time to use those boring stats my player gets as motivation instead of discouragement. Honestly, I am still trying to use it to encourage myself even today. I am sure once I get to a certain level and begin to see results, everything will fall into place.
I have met some amazing people in my team clubhouse – the London Royals. Meeting people outside of my team mostly falls on me for not being active on the DSFL or ISFL discord channels. But sometimes I say to myself, “why arbitrarily talk to random guys in DSFL when I can grow my bond with my teammates even more?” The first person to really get me excited about DSFL and the sport was my GM Sylphreni. I was honored he used his waiver wire priority to swoop me up, even though I had less TPE than my fellow DSFL draft class (I joined during the last week of pre-season, so I went undrafted). I could easily just list the names of all my teammates, but that would just add unnecessary words. I will however give a shout out to the few that have gone above and beyond in embracing me into the team. So thanks to my guys Harrison Andrews, Gunner Thorbjornsson, Lesean Paris Crooks, and Juan Domine. I did send a lot of messages on the DSFL Rookie discord and Daria Guava-Fresca was extremely helpful and a great support for me when I published my first ISFL Media article. So although I was not drafted into DSFL and I have had some growing pains, I am excited to be here and I love the people I have met so far. Now it is time to win the Ultimini Trophy with them. (444 Words)

Task 16:
I am by no means a qualified GM, so all my suggestions are purely for entertainment purposes. With that said, I think one of the best ways to improve is to somehow sign enough actual human players to fill out an entire offensive line. It is an overlooked position that gets no stats for their stat sheet (aside from pancakes) so it is populated by many bots. As I was taking a look at my sack numbers, I took a deeper dive and discovered that all but 1 of my sacks came against offensive lineman that were bots. So, I thought to myself, “is this because the bots are trash or because there are just more bots than humans?”. As it turns out, the answer is a little bit of both. After seeing this discovery, I watched out next few games and watched as the bots on our offensive line let through some defensive ends who obliterated our quarterback. Nobody got through the absolute tank of a man Mac Elephant, but the bots did not do so well. If I were a GM, I would somehow try to convince more human players to be a lineman so that we can virtually erase all sacks, plus the added bonus of improving the run game and allowing the QB to have a cleaner pocket to make better passes. Now this is obviously easier said than done. But if it’s within the rules, a GM could theoretically convince a few current players on the team to position switch to OL for just one season, win the trophy, and then the players can go back to what they originally wanted to enjoy their usual stat sheet stuffing lives. Is that kind of dirty? Sure. I am not a rules expert by any means since I am new, but if someone can find a way to make that happen, it could be extremely beneficial. (319 words)

Task 24:
I can use this question to give out my appreciation for the men and women who volunteer to create, update, and run the website and system that we all use to play simulation football. I think it was only a matter of time until the name NSFL would be changed due to its unfortunate acronym. And as someone who has updated a website before for rebranding, I can sympathize with how much of a headache it is. I think this name change is a good sign because it shows that ISFL is committed to being dynamic and adaptive to the times, and the job can be accomplished no matter how much of a headache it is to change and rebrand.
An example of how this is a good sign is that (keep in mind this is an extreme example) if a better simulation engine is created and the league decides to move in that direction, the league may have the endurance to take on such a drastic change. Even something else such as an expansion, changing some of the rules, or how TPE points are allocated will cause a lot of headaches and reorganizing. There will obviously be growing pains with either scenario like there were in the name change, albeit much more painful, but the community will be able to improvise, adapt, and overcome. So, I tip my hat to the ones in charge of all these changes and their commitment to following through on their plans. I feel comfortable as a member of this community that leadership will do what they need to do when the times comes. (270 words)

[Opera_Phantom]

8) It’s always important to look forward to the future. Examine your team, and in 400 words or more, talk about how they can improve themselves to get a stab at trophy contention next year. Are you loaded with draft capital for the next draft? Do you have plenty of cap space to sign free agents? Go through the roster and note the different strengths and weaknesses, and how you think those will change over the next few seasons. How should your team adapt?


The Arizona Outlaws have been, as it is probably well known by everyone who has spent some time on this league, rebuilding for a while. It has been a tough time for sure, missing the playoffs for some seasons now, with some awful 3 win ones, but also missing a couple by 1 win or on the tie-breaker. While the plan was to go all in next season, it is very demoralizing for a locker room to miss on the postseason in such a manner. For example, we lost to Chicago this season, credit to them obviously, but they were the team that ended the season with the worst record, with only 3 wins. We know we have a better team than them, and yet we lost. Had we won, we would have played in the wildcard round last night against the New Orleans Secondline.
But the team is definitely growing. The roster is filled with active players, that update every week. My player Jay Cue is going to be the best player in the league next season, the last one before regression, so it is prime time to go up the table in search of the Ultimus we last won in season 16.
We might lose a couple of players to free agency, but if i am being honest, i think we got that covered. I would rather keep everyone in the team, now that we are competitive, but no hard feelings if players want to leave. But, like i already told some of my teammates, if you leave now, do not come begging for the Ultimus ring we are going to get.
Our defense is stacked with young promising players, not even maxed out yet, and we have a lot of draft capital again this off-season, that we will use to address the few needs the team still has. We might even start to look for the distant future, as we are going to have 2 players, only 2, starting regression.
The future has been bright for the Outlaws for a while now, but this next season is really do or die time. Best QB in the league, great offensive weapons (even if Baby Yoda decides to leave in free agency), great and active Offensive Line to protect the QB, very good secondary as well... Other teams are also improving, but if we look into the details, i really feel our time is coming next season. Let us hope the sim cooperates.

(413 words)

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24) The league is prone to change. Reflect on a past change in either the ISFL or DSFL that significantly impacted something - be it a rules change, an expansion or contraction, or even a complete rebranding. What were the effects of this change, and how has it shaken the status quo?


While some rule changes/introductions might shake up the league, i think that nothing creates shockwaves as big as the ones created by expansion teams. If we look at the process, even before they are created, the GM/Co-GM applications for new teams are incredible. I have been fortunate enough to be on HO when the Sarasota Sailfish and the Honolulu Hahalua were selected, and i have to say that it was a fascinating process. The amount of great users that wanted to be a part of that, shows how much this league has grown. Then, to add to that, the expansion draft. Every single team needs to select the players they want to protect, possibly leaving some great locker room presences out of those slots because they want to protect younger players that can guarantee they remain competitive for longer, because they will be at the top of their ability right on the team's Ultimus push.
Players get upset if not protected, others want to leave because they want to experience the start of an expansion team and General Managers pull their hair and have sleepless nights trying to decide who to protect.
And while i know that the Arizona Outlaws are going to be the biggest losers when the next expansion comes, i can't wait for it.

(219 words)

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25) Select any player who was drafted in the back half of a DSFL or ISFL draft. Show how that player has outperformed their draft position, or how they will soon do so. You cannot write about your own player.

Through the years we have seen some players rise in the league after being drafted way below their ability. Just look at David Rector, that was drafted in the 3rd round and is now one of the best corners in the game. But Rector was not the most active player on discord, so that probably made him fly under the radar... But what if there is a player that was probably the most active, earned neck and neck with the best and still managed to fall to the 54th pick in the draft? Arizona's own Zamir Kehla @retrospace111, the infamous cornerback, scared every single General Manager in the league, fearing he could destroy their locker room mojo with his trash talk, this all around home wrecker is having incredible seasons, disrupting not only plays on the field, but fans hearts.
Touted and probably the favorite for the Defensive Player of the Year Award, Zamir has shown he is also a fantastic teammate, becoming a big part of the locker romm and the war room of the team. Highly active, after a couple of days on the team he was already the steal of the draft, but after seeing him on the field, there is no doubt that he should have been picked in the first round. And even with that, he would have been an incredible steal in the draft.

(229 words)

[Gravtx]

Tier 3 #17
Dual Threat quarterbacks are the future of the ISFL. If you didn’t know it, you simply need to look at Franklin Armstrong. The 3-time MVP played lights out during his Ultimus bowl 3-peat. The season of his final Ultimus bowl he also won league MVP, and would do so an additional 2 times in the following 2 seasons.

Unfortunately this write up is not to praise Armstrong. I believe firmly that Armstrong’s second MVP in 2035 was given based on what he had accomplished in previous seasons and not what he had done in the 2035 season. Instead, I believe that Jay Cue should have won in his rookie season.

A comparison of bulk stats tells a similar story for both individuals. Both sat around 39,000 total yards and 28 vs. 26 total touchdowns on the season. Instead I ask you to look at team records from the previous season instead. Arizona before Cue: 5-8. Orange County WITH Armstrong: 9-4. How can you be the most valuable player when you lose two more games than you did in your previous season? Quarterback is the most important position, and is capable of making bad teams good (or at least passable). Cue, as a rookie, put up the second most passing yards, on the highest touchdown/interception ratio in the league. Not only that, but he turned Arizona from a below .500 team to an above .500 team.

Seems like some rookie bias if you ask me.

[Blasoon]

7. Dre Matthews has silently had one of the best seasons a receiver could have in the Developmental Simulation Football League. This man has consistently performed and overperformed over all fourteen games of this season. Despite being part of the very run heavy Norfolk Seawolves, he has managed to accrue nine hundred and thirty-seven yards, and a league leading nine touchdown receptions. Therefore, I would argue that he is very deserving of a receiver of the year award. As a team, Norfolk rushed for over two thousand yards, and yet Matthews was still able to pick up almost one thousand yards over the course of the season and thus played a great role in much of Norfolk’s offensive success. In addition, Matthews may well have been called ‘Mr. Clutch’ this season. The amount of third down conversions and long receptions for touchdowns have been utterly insane. During Norfolk’s tight twenty-nine to twenty-four win against the London Royals, Matthews had four receptions, one of which converted a third down and ten, sixty-two yards over the game, with his longest reception going for twenty-six yards, and his last reception being a fourteen yard touchdown, which not only contributed to an impressive performance over the day, but also ensured a Norfolk victory.

Mr. Matthews is not the only person on the Seawolves roster worthy of a seat on awards night. The newest Seawolves kicker and punter, Daria Guava-Fresca has been on an absolute tear in her rookie season. Whilst I do believe that her one hundred percent completion rate from field goals of a distance of fifty yards or greater, should enter her into the conversation for kicker of the year, I believe that her accuracy throughout the year should not only enter her into the conversation, but push her into the foreground for best kicker in the league. Out of thirty-three extra points attempted, Guava-Fresca made thirty-two; the only other kicker comparable to her is Datsum PhastBawl, who attempted one more than her, and succeeded in one less. In addition, Guava-Fresca attempted twenty-five field goals, made twenty-two of them and achieved the best field goal percentage from a human kicker in the entirety of the developmental league, at eighty-eight percent. Guava-Fresca was the only kicker in the league to make multiple fifty plus yarders in her field goals. Ultimately, Guava-Fresca has been able to showcase the importance of kickers on a developmental roster.

Ultimately, I’m homering hard for my teammates to get acknowledged for their great efforts this season, but I really do believe that they should at the very least, be considered strongly as contenders for these awards. (436 Words)

8. The Philadelphia Liberty recently celebrated a milestone that had not been seen in the franchise for quite some time. They were able to make the playoffs for the first time since season sixteen. Season twenty-two saw the Philadelphia Liberty start to draft the key pieces for their new stalwart defence, with the selections of Matt ‘Son of Havoc’ Cross and Brandon Booker at picks three and four, respectively. In addition, with key defensive pieces such as Wesley Eriksen, Spike Suzuki, Warren Stephens and Tycker Om starting to come into their own, it is quite clear that the Liberty are looking more to wait for their players grow and hit their peak, whilst also looking to use the draft and free agency to tool their players into the best possible team. Looking forward to the draft, the Liberty would do well to pick up pieces for their defensive line. The retiring ILove Gimmy and the inactive Jeff Personsacker have opened up holes for the Liberty to pick up more pieces in the draft. In addition, free agency this season will allow for the Liberty to pick up extra linebackers and cornerbacks from the season twenty-one and season twenty-two classes and support their ever-growing defences.

The Liberty’s offence played quite well this season, but if there is one place they fell flat, it was in their offensive line. Tackle Simon Tremblay played outstandingly, achieving seventy-six pancakes and only allowing one sack throughout the entirety of the season. The Liberty could wait for the season twenty-five International Simulation Football League which appears to have far more offensive lineman in the draft, however, having more offensive lineman would definitely benefit the Liberty, and keep their quarterback Brock Phoenix safe. In addition, Nacho Varga, Randy Vuxta and Flash Panda have all been very good for the Liberty this season, Flash Panda in particular having many big burst plays that saw him go for twenty plus yards and which saved many drives for Philly. However, I believe that calling up the young Dre Matthews to compliment the team as the fourth wide receiver on the depth chart. In addition, as teams are starting to call players up later and later into their league careers, it might be smart for Philadelphia to draft a future running back or tight end to prepare for when some of Philly’s legendary players decide to hang up their cleats for good.

The future of the Philadelphia Liberty is looking bright, but I do believe that it a strong draft, or some luck in free agency will push them to being title contenders sooner rather than later. (436 Words)

[The_Kidd]

[div align=\\\"center\\\"]Tier 1 - Option 2[/div]

Well, I haven't been here long, so there's only one playoff cycle I can accurately recount which is S22. During S22, Yellowknife and Orange County dominated their respective conferences during the regular season, seemingly on a crash course in the Ultimus. Orange County and Yellowknife combined for 5 regular season losses as both teams clinched the #1 seeds in their respective conferences. On the other side of S22, we saw two new expansion teams emerge, Honolulu in the AFSC and Sarasota in the NFSC. Honolulu finished at the bottom of the ASFC as expected, but the Sailfish decided to buck the trend and make a push to the playoffs.

While taking advantage of the rebuilding Chicago and Baltimore squads for four wins, Sarasota also split their series with Philadelphia and surprisingly picked up a week 11 home win against Colorado to finish tied with Philly at 6-7 and finish 3rd. Sarasota, after a midseason QB change, still managed to grind out 6 wins with the league's rd best defense, all within their own conference. In that same week 11, Philly was also a part of an upset as they lost a critical home game to eventual 3 win Hawks which pitted them in a less favorable matchup against the Wraiths and not the Yeti. Speaking of the Yeti, Colorado cruised to a second place conference finish, led by the stingiest pass defense. The Yeti had one awful matchup in the regular season: against Orange County.

Orange County, buoyed by another stellar season from Armstrong, had their annual misfires against San Jose but also suffered a rare home defeat to Austin. At the end of week 6, Orange County was 5-1 and 2 weeks into a 6 game win streak while Austin was 1-4-1, at the bottom of the conference, before ripping off 7 straight wins to take 2nd place over the equally 8-5 New Orleans and San Jose. Austin swept New Orleans and San Jose swept Orange County so we should've expected Austin and San Jose to meet in the conference finals?

San Jose, dominant throughout the game, led 13-6 going into the 4th quarter. Thomas-Fox had 126 yards going into the 4th ---- he finished with 126 yards. Orange County just needed to string one drive together and they finally did in the 4th with Trunks scoring the go ahead score with 1:51 to go. Austin and New Orleans went back and forth and started their 4th quarter tied at 24, but the Copperheads locked in, with 6 PD's in the game, to help stifle New Orleans in the 4th and escape with a 10 point win.

The Sailfish and Liberty were inexperienced and it showed as they were both blown out in their respective playoff games, thus setting up the big matchup between the Yeti and Wraiths. In a tight defensive battle, the Yeti were able to bottle up the Wraiths receivers and prevent Bigsby from his typical excellence. The Wraiths will wonder if they had just not committed a huge penalty on the first play of the drive that led to them missing a 54 yard field goal before halftime.

On the other side, Orange County was set to prove their would be no upsets against them as Armstrong finished the first quarter with 3 TD passes that went for 108 yards. Orange County would use that three score buffer to hold the resilient Copperheads off for a 50-38 win, setting up the Yeti in Orange County for the S22 Ultimus.

Orange County managed a 21-3 lead with 7:39 to go in the 3rd quarter and then the game mimicked the Patriots - Falcons superbowl as Colorado charged back to take the go ahead score with 10 seconds left to cap the extraordinary comeback and win 25-24. I'm glad I can say my first season, I witnessed one of the greatest title games ever in ISFL/NSFL existence.

[ztarwarz]

Tier 2 #12:

Well, as someone who joined...last night, I feel like this couldn't be done yet if it wasn't for who I was as a person. I enjoy simulation games, so this seems right up my alley. However, there were a couple hiccups intertwined that made this a bit harder for me than just banging out a bunch of different things for sweet, sweet points.

Discord and I have a complicated history together. Over the course of one year, I installed it, became a mod on a server with a couple thousand people, not all of whom were active at the time, had to deal with an admin on a power trip, and eventually let it consume my time to the point of ignoring other important things I had to do in an effort to keep a specific discord server on its feet and not collapsing in on itself in an effort to keep something I loved afloat. I figuratively collapsed under stress, and when I recovered I felt the need to cut discord out of my life. I haven't been on Discord for over a year due to that fact, and spent a good portion of last night reconnecting with some old friends due to finally opening it up as I joined the ISFL server.

The other thing that is intertwined with what I have done in the past is my media post. While I don't want to reveal personal information, indeed on a number of other sites my name is specifically about not revealing any personal information, my name, while not the reason I was bullied as a child, was one of many, many things I was bullied about as a child. I'm mostly over that specific taunt, but the scars of those events in general have echoed throughout my life and made pretty much everything about it much harder. Let's just say I really appreciated the opportunity to vent my frustrations about some incidents in the past and that post made a decent release valve.

As far as the league itself goes, I found the mods decently prompt, have been hanging out in the discord server and enjoying the conversation, and have done a couple quick readthroughs of some of these posts just to find the history, as I'm very interested in this sort of lore that often gets created around simulated leagues. So far on Discord, I've just been sitting back and enjoying the conversation, but I will probably be contributing more in the upcoming days. I hope you enjoy my contributions to the community.

(426 words)

Edit: Tier 3 #19:

Darren Pama is a Tight End out of Iowa. Due to only playing tackle football for 2 years before college, he was a low rated prospect that Iowa took a flier on. He ended up paying off for them in a big way. After Freshman and Sophomore year, where he rarely started and only made an impact as a blocker, albeit a good one, he broke out in Junior year. While blocking for one of the best run games in the nation, he managed to catch for almost 900 yards and 9 TDs. His senior year took everything to another level, improving his blocking to the point he could have been a great O Lineman at the college level, catching for over 1000 yards and 14 TDs, breaking 50 tackles, and leading Iowa to their first national title since the introduction of the Playoff system. Having come off of back to back 1st Team All American seasons during his Junior and Senior years, Darren Pama stands out from most of the numerous Tight End prospects of the class due to a mix of great speed and a well developed ability to block in the run game. Some other prospects in the class have one or the other, but neither have both. His weaknesses are a lack of conditioning due to having only 4 years as a starter combined between High School and College, and meager strength considering his size.

Tier 3 #22:

One of the most favored techniques from defensive linemen is the Bull Rush. This idea would make that much more literal, as the goal of the Bull Rush event would be to overpower and force a Bull's head to reach the ground. The faster you do so, the better.

As for likely winners, you need tackling, strength, and perhaps a fair bit of endurance to succeed. I'm looking at Cuco Clemente of the Sailfish, John, "Tripod" Smirh of the Butchers, and perhaps Hank Steel of the Second Line.

[WailingOtter]

Tier 2: Prompt 12

I see many perspectives from players with various levels of experience and I can't help but feel amazed at how much depth there is to this league. I keep using this analogy to people who ask me how my first days have been: it's like drinking from a firehose. First, there was translating my skills into numbers. Then I had to learn the ways to improve my numbers to give me the best shot at making the big leagues. After that, it was learning how to manage my money and to make it work for me. But all along the way, the most amazing part of it all has been the community. With all of the ins and outs to try to digest, no shortage of people have come to say hello and to offer their support and guidance. I immediately felt welcomed and important, which I never would have imagined for a league of this size and history.

As a minority in this league (O-lineman), I was immediately welcomed by fellow Thicc Boi Calvin Golladay. He showed me the ropes and brought me into the sacred brotherhood of Thicc Bois. I owe a lot to him and many others who have helped me along the way. Juan Domine was a huge help in getting me accustomed to the way that teams in the big leagues operate and how the locker room culture has evolved. I’m not even sure I would be able to post my thoughts here without his help. There are many, many others, but listing them all out would make my fingers fall off. But a huge shoutout to everyone who has been so helpful to this rookie; I won’t forget you as I climb my way up. As for the future, I am really looking forward to getting my feet wet with syrup as I pile on the pancakes. I have always enjoyed being the small (figuratively) fish in a big pond because there is only one way to go: up. I am excited to watch the best of the best battle it out in the Ultimus to show me what elite looks like and put that hunger in my belly to reach those lofty heights one day.

From a retrospective standpoint, while I have only been involved in this league for a few days, it does seem overwhelming as a new person to understand what all is going on. I appreciate the rookie posts and introductory information (it really is helpful!), but in my opinion, there seems to lack a common thread to make sure all of the aspects are introduced. I understand that task may be an impossible ask given how much sheer information is involved in this league, but some sort of insulating, on-rails introductory process may reduce the “firehose” aspect to first starting out. I’m definitely open to discussion on this, however, because there is a real chance I have missed an important post somewhere. But all in all, this has been an amazing process and I’m incredibly excited to get involved. Stay hungry, my friends.

--Ninton Quelson – OL – S25
(Official Thicc Boi)

[muse316]

8)It’s always important to look forward to the future. Examine your team, and in 400 words or more, talk about how they can improve themselves to get a stab at trophy contention next year. Are you loaded with draft capital for the next draft? Do you have plenty of cap space to sign free agents? Go through the roster and note the different strengths and weaknesses, and how you think those will change over the next few seasons. How should your team adapt?


The Seawolves are currently the DSFL champions for season 23 (woohoo). Bringing home the Norfolk’s first Ultimini trophy since the league began, the Seawolves played a terrific season (10-4-0) before beating the Birddogs in the playoffs to overcome the Kansas City Coyotes in the S23 Ultimini.
The beginning of the season looked worrying. Scorp and Juniped, the previous GM’s, had stepped down from their position after taking a bot team and drafting yours truly and other budding players. The new GM, J0EB (aka Matt Cross Jr. aka Donkey Kong), took the young, blossoming team that was the Seawolves and brought them up with intense training, great coaches, and inspiration speeches and encouragement. J0EB has certainly proven himself this season, and there is no doubt that he will continue to an amazing job next year.
However, the Seawolves still face some difficult growing pains in season 24. Suleiman Ramza and Luke Skywalker, duo quarterbacks who played their heart out in season 23 (throwing 21 touchdowns in the regular season and getting a touchdown a piece during the Ultimini), will be leaving Norfolk soon, with Skywalker being called up to the Honolulu Hahalua’s in season 24 with Ramza following soon after. This leaves the Seawolves with no starting quarterback, and while the new incoming draft class has several QB’s in the listings, it may behoove the Seawolves to trade or use their cap space to sign a free agent.
The Seawolves are also slightly desperate for offensive linemen. While Thad Pennington helped fill in the ranks, the remaining OL on the team were Blocky bots (who still performed admirably in the season. Good job Blocky’s!). Additionally, there were many holes in the defense filled by Mario-themed bots that need to filled, specifically defensive tackle, defensive end, safety, and cornerback. While the Seawolves obviously succeeded in winning the trophy this season with many positions filled with bots, the Seawolves will need strong players in these positions to continue the Norfolk legacy (could we hope for a dynasty?)
Most of the other offensive and defensive positions are left in good hands. Although a rookie, Daria Guava-Fresca has proven to be a star kicker/punter, kicking 4 for 4 field goals in the conference championships and 3 for 3 perfect field goals in the Ultimini. Additionally, wide receiver, running back, and tight end positions are filled with maxed out players Dre Matthews, Quanter Skrills, and Reynaud Haugland.
The Seawolves had a glorious season and will no doubt continue to thrive in season 24. However, if they wish to make Norfolk a dynasty, they will need to continue building up their O-line and defense and replace their quaterbacks. This Seawolf has no doubt that the amazing J0EB will expertly do so and bring Norfolk home every future Ultimini trophy.
(462 words)


13) Create an argument for your own player, or for someone else on your team, as to why they should be nominated for awards. Lay out their stats or compare them to other contenders. Make a convincing case.

This biased player votes for J0EB to win general manager of the year. His leadership brought the Norfolk Seawolves their first Ultimini trophy, and that alone should get him the award. However, if more evidence is required, more shall be laid out for you.
The prior GM’s, Scorp and Juni (hi guys!) brought in many young, blossoming players to the fold in the several previous seasons, molding a young team that would work well together both on and off the field. However, by the time Scorp and Juni retired, many of the star players (Jack Banks, Jimbo Jr, Panda, etc.) moved up to the then named NSFL league, leaving several empty positions. The Seawolves also desperately needed their kicker/punter position filled. J0EB efficiently brought in young, hungry players that slotted ideally into those position. Daria Guava-Fresca played perfectly throughout the season, making 100% of his field goals in both the conference championship game and the Ultimini, and Rickie Vaughne, Thad Pennington, Chad Simpson, Captain Rogers, Ragnar Krashwagen, and Sigismund Sternenstaub all have earned high 100 TPE. In fact, Quentin Button has already broken 240 TPE. These recruitment choices highlight J0EB’s ability to find and cultivate strong players for the team.
Finally, this player would be remiss if he didn’t mention J0EB”s ability off of the playing field. J0EB is in the locker room before and after every game, encouraging his players with jokes, praise, and kind words. When we were on our winning streak, J0EB cheered for us, calling players out by name, and when we won the Ultimini, J0EB was there to give everyone the high fives and love that they deserved.
For all of these reasons J0EB deserves GM of the year. I can’t think of any GM who deserves it more.
(294 words)



22) Imagine that the league’s Pro Bowl included a skills competition similar to the NFL. What sorts of games could you see being implemented? Which players do you think would perform the best in ultimate frisbee, dodgeball, or other games? Which conference would come out on top?

“And we’re back for the DSFL Pro Bowl!”
“That’s right, Mitch, and what do you know, the Norfolk Seawolves are at the top of the rankings after the last game. Let’s watch a recap!”
“There’s Ramza and Skywalker throwing perfect spirals in the quarterback accuracy game. As a reminder, players throw the football through moving hoops in 2 minutes.”
“Don’t forget that it’s not just how many hoops you make, but what percent of the throws are accurate.”
“Exactly, Clyde! And look and Ramza and Skywalker throw, trading passes and being just as efficient as they were all season”
“It was neck-and-neck with the Luchadore’s Slothlisberger who threw almost perfect passes today, but he missed one hoop with just 5 seconds left on the timer, giving the Seawolves the win.”
“Not surprising that these two teams ended up on top, Clyde, considering that these three quarterbacks have the most experience in the DSFL”
“Not at all, Mitch. And up next we have the tight end ballet competition: who can do the most pirouettes before falling over?”
“It’s very exciting, Clyde. A lot of our players take ballet to improve their precision and flexibility. It’s also a great way to show off balance and break down the gender stereotypes that exist in our league.”
“Well first off we have Racoon from Kansas City giving it a go. Look at him whirl!”
“That’s 28 pirouettes right there, Clyde! What an impressive score!”
“But here comes Haugland for Norfolk. A third year player, we’re excited to see where he goes next. And look at him go! 25, 26, 27, 28! A tie for 28 pirouettes!”
“Well folks, we’re off to commercials now. Come back after the break to see who can complete our obstacle course the fastest, complete with a moat filled with piranhas!”
(301 words)

[HENDRIX 2.0]

Tier 1: Long Form Tasks (800+ words)
Choose ONE for 10 TPE.

3) For any team, certain players and users have gone above and beyond, shaping the legacy of the franchise. Choose any ISFL or DSFL team - with the exception of the Sarasota Sailfish and Honolulu Hahalua - and create a Mount Rushmore for that team. Who in your mind are the four most noteworthy figures of the team’s history? Why does each one of your included figures deserve that recognition, and how did each of them make their mark?

Making Mount Rushmore for the Baltimore Hawks might be harder than any other team, they have more Hall of Famers than any team in the league. However, I’ll give it my best shot. I’m going to weigh heavily on four players that helped construct a rock solid foundation for the franchise that lasted from around S1/S2 to the current day. There might be other Hawks that were more decorated with awards, but without the following four the team could have become the Las Vegas Legion (RIP). The four players that I’m putting on Baltimore Mount Rushmore are: Antoine Delacour, Turk Turkleton, Owen Taylor, and Avon Blocksdale.

Antoine Delacour was a cornerback out of LSU that was drafted in the 11th round of the S1 draft. The inaugural season was a rough one for the Hawks, they only won four games and had several retirements and trade requests. Delacour was one of the first cornerstones of the team. He developed quickly, his generational speed made him a lock down corner for years. The Hawks were able to leave him on an island and he would erase the opponents best receiver. Over the course of his ten year career with the Hawks he made it to eight pro bowls, won a Defensive Back of the Year award, and a Defensive Player of the Year award. At this moment he has the 5th most interceptions in league history and the 3rd most pass deflections. Off the field he was a very skilled technical mind and was monumental in the tracking of the history of our league. One of my favorite Delacour games was when he held Wraiths HOF WR Josh Garden completely off the box score. Delacour was the first inductee to the Baltimore Hawks Wing of Honor, which is the ultimate recognition for a Hawks player.

Turk Turkleton is one of the greatest specialists of all time and spent the entirety of his twelve year career kicking and punting for the Hawks. He was a 13th round pick and one of the most active locker room members from the beginning. He spent 12 seasons with the Hawks and made it to eight pro bowls, won three kicker of the year awards, and won three punter of the year awards.Turk was always a beacon of humor and positivity. Over the course of his career he became known as the “Outlaw Killer” among the fans. This is because victories against the Arizona Outlaws were usually close and decided by a Turkleton field goal at some point. I think future kickers looked at Turk as an inspiration. Being a special teamer is not the sexiest job on the team but Turk showed young players how impactful kickers can be. Turkleton currently has the most made field goals in history, most extra points in history, most punt yardage, and the 2nd longest field goal and punt in history.

Owen Taylor was a somewhat unheralded prospect out of Nebraska in the S2 draft. He was drafted as a defensive end and played his first two seasons there. He had a shorter, stalkier type of build. He really broke out in his second season by recording 13 sacks. But that would be the last season he would spend at the position. Going into S3 he dropped weight and became the Hawks bell cow back for the remainder of his career. On the field Taylor was arguably the greatest running back the league has ever seen. He was pretty much the exclusive ball carrier for the franchise. The team trusted him to get the job done. Off the field he was a class act and that trustworthiness led to him eventually holding vital league jobs such as GM, commissioner, and simmer. In his 11 year career with the Hawks he collected serious hardware and accomplishments: 9 time pro bowler, 6 time RB of the year, 2 time Offensive POY, 3rd most rushing yardage and the most rushing TDs in history.

Avon Blocksdale might be the most interesting case study in the history of the Hawks franchise. He became the ultimate sleeper draft pick. He was a raw offensive lineman out of Penn State that was drafted in the 4th round by the Hawks. His abilities increased exponentially. I remember we started him out playing center on our line, then he improved enough to take over at right tackle, then we moved him to left tackle when he became our top OL TPE earner. Then in a huge league wide shake up he became our QB. At QB is where he stayed for most of his career before playing CB at the end of his career. In ten seasons he made it to the pro bowl nine times. He finished his career 4th in passing yardage, 2nd in completion percentage, 3rd in passing touchdowns, and 1st in passer rating. Off the field he was instrumental in helping out new players and has been the long time site owner as well as head office member. He was the spearhead on the exposing of the biggest cheater in the history of the league.

(853 words)

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