The Only Guide to ISFL Expansion
This is in fact the only guide to ISFL expansion, or at least the only one that matters. I will not burden myself with the constraints of an attempt at international expansion, because I view it as wholly unnecessary and possible counterproductive to the will of the people. I will however, entertain the idea in a limited scope although there is plenty of potential right here in the United States to continue expanding for decades to come.
United States:
St. Louis
Face it good ol' St. Louis is a football city, always was, always will be. The ISFL needs a team here. It's a great market in the middle of a lot of rural midwest die-hard football lovers. The market exists, southern illinois typically pulls got St. Louis teams, it is closer and would give a lot of people hope in a home town crowd, and with Chicago up their butchering their playoff hopes again, could give a lot of people some new hope.
Possible names? My current favorite the Heavy Metal is a great one. Paying homage to both St. Louis' history of musical themed team names and late rock legend Ronnie James Dio. This is a team name that can't miss, it is historical, acceptable and all around pretty awesome! Wouldn't you love to be part of the St. Louis Heavy Metal?
Name two one that I personally like but not as much as the first. The St. Louis "Straight Up Killas." While my biggest gripe with my own idea is that it is too similar to the Butchers name, it is uncomfortably accurate of the citizenship of St. Louis. Paying homage to St. Louis' unnervingly high murder rate, you'd quickly find who the area deserving of a murderous team name would be.
Louisville
Now you may be asking, isn't this list a little self-serving, these suggested cities are a little close to your home town? To which I would respond emphatically, "no! Yes... a bit.." Suggestions of bias aside, Louisville is a very historical city with a long streak of sport enthusiasm, which leads us right into a segue to the only team that makes sense.
The Stallions. With a very obvious allusion to the Kentucky Derby this almost writes itself. Plus can you think of many other names that would draw the raw power, manliness and overall tough descriptor of a stallion? Any player would be proud to be a stallion, can you just imagine the pickup lines?
Butte
Montana, can you imagine a section of America more neglected by professional sports? This one may be a little bit of a longshot, although it would bring with it large sparsely populated sections of the western United States. What's Wyoming got going for it? How about Idaho? Let's give these poor rural folk some football!!
The Badgers, the Butte Badgers I'd play for that team. While the American badger isn't as well known as it's African counterpart and meme machine the honey badger, the American badger is also well respected due to its ferocity when backed into a corner. The Butte Badgers would be a great team to add to the league!
Alright I feel like I have made a solid point in the fact that there are plenty of opportunities for expansion right here in the United States. So I guess I will play along with the completely unnecessary idea that these teams should be international.
Dublin
There's a city right there. One well deserving of an expansion team, not a lot of people have been through as much as the great resilient Irish people. Wouldn't it be at least a little poetic justice to see the Irish raised to the level of the ISFL while the British are left in the developmental league, after centuries of war, occupation and outright crimes against humanity? I believe so. Also little know fact the Jameson distillery is in Dublin which contrary to popular belief, was named in anticipation of me! Great Irish tradition of fine spirits!
Team name? The Dublin Divils, that is not a typo that is a play on the regional dialect and pronunciation. We have a team name both funa and appropriate from an accent perspective. This is another team name that seems to do it's own marketing making my job easier!
Helsinki
This one is another fun one. Beautiful city, beautiful country, that has a neat little history to it. While I may be unable to embellish as much about Helsinki as I can Dublin, I still have a great team name for a great city.
The Helsinki Hellfighters, now don't mistake my intentions here there are definitely more appropriate names for a team from Finland. However aside from the awesome alliteration I have a slight historical context and a good deal of homage to pay here. During the winter war tiny little Finland stood fast against the terrifying might of the soviet union military. Outnumbered, ill-equipped and undertrained the Finnsish forces fought ferociously, frighteningly and fastidiously against an overwhelming opponent and quite frankly did a damn good job. The Hellfighters would be homage to the brave men and women who defended their homeland against all odds. Something that must have truly felt like they were fighting against hell itself.
Warsaw
Warsaw is another historically significant city. We have reached a point where you may be asking "are you just putting in cities that reflect your personal heritage?" To which I would respond "no! Yes... a bit.." From being the seat of power in the Polish-Lithuanian commonwealth to the Warsaw Pact, there's a lot of history down that road. One could write an entire article about why they deserve a team, instead I choose to go right into the team name.
The Warsaw Wizards, is there anything that can fully encapsulate the mystical appeal and fantastical environment of Europe better than throwing a magical term at it? Slight alliteration always helps but the term wizard seems to fit all too well right in the middle of Europe.
This is in fact the only guide to ISFL expansion, or at least the only one that matters. I will not burden myself with the constraints of an attempt at international expansion, because I view it as wholly unnecessary and possible counterproductive to the will of the people. I will however, entertain the idea in a limited scope although there is plenty of potential right here in the United States to continue expanding for decades to come.
United States:
St. Louis
Face it good ol' St. Louis is a football city, always was, always will be. The ISFL needs a team here. It's a great market in the middle of a lot of rural midwest die-hard football lovers. The market exists, southern illinois typically pulls got St. Louis teams, it is closer and would give a lot of people hope in a home town crowd, and with Chicago up their butchering their playoff hopes again, could give a lot of people some new hope.
Possible names? My current favorite the Heavy Metal is a great one. Paying homage to both St. Louis' history of musical themed team names and late rock legend Ronnie James Dio. This is a team name that can't miss, it is historical, acceptable and all around pretty awesome! Wouldn't you love to be part of the St. Louis Heavy Metal?
Name two one that I personally like but not as much as the first. The St. Louis "Straight Up Killas." While my biggest gripe with my own idea is that it is too similar to the Butchers name, it is uncomfortably accurate of the citizenship of St. Louis. Paying homage to St. Louis' unnervingly high murder rate, you'd quickly find who the area deserving of a murderous team name would be.
Louisville
Now you may be asking, isn't this list a little self-serving, these suggested cities are a little close to your home town? To which I would respond emphatically, "no! Yes... a bit.." Suggestions of bias aside, Louisville is a very historical city with a long streak of sport enthusiasm, which leads us right into a segue to the only team that makes sense.
The Stallions. With a very obvious allusion to the Kentucky Derby this almost writes itself. Plus can you think of many other names that would draw the raw power, manliness and overall tough descriptor of a stallion? Any player would be proud to be a stallion, can you just imagine the pickup lines?
Butte
Montana, can you imagine a section of America more neglected by professional sports? This one may be a little bit of a longshot, although it would bring with it large sparsely populated sections of the western United States. What's Wyoming got going for it? How about Idaho? Let's give these poor rural folk some football!!
The Badgers, the Butte Badgers I'd play for that team. While the American badger isn't as well known as it's African counterpart and meme machine the honey badger, the American badger is also well respected due to its ferocity when backed into a corner. The Butte Badgers would be a great team to add to the league!
Alright I feel like I have made a solid point in the fact that there are plenty of opportunities for expansion right here in the United States. So I guess I will play along with the completely unnecessary idea that these teams should be international.
Dublin
There's a city right there. One well deserving of an expansion team, not a lot of people have been through as much as the great resilient Irish people. Wouldn't it be at least a little poetic justice to see the Irish raised to the level of the ISFL while the British are left in the developmental league, after centuries of war, occupation and outright crimes against humanity? I believe so. Also little know fact the Jameson distillery is in Dublin which contrary to popular belief, was named in anticipation of me! Great Irish tradition of fine spirits!
Team name? The Dublin Divils, that is not a typo that is a play on the regional dialect and pronunciation. We have a team name both funa and appropriate from an accent perspective. This is another team name that seems to do it's own marketing making my job easier!
Helsinki
This one is another fun one. Beautiful city, beautiful country, that has a neat little history to it. While I may be unable to embellish as much about Helsinki as I can Dublin, I still have a great team name for a great city.
The Helsinki Hellfighters, now don't mistake my intentions here there are definitely more appropriate names for a team from Finland. However aside from the awesome alliteration I have a slight historical context and a good deal of homage to pay here. During the winter war tiny little Finland stood fast against the terrifying might of the soviet union military. Outnumbered, ill-equipped and undertrained the Finnsish forces fought ferociously, frighteningly and fastidiously against an overwhelming opponent and quite frankly did a damn good job. The Hellfighters would be homage to the brave men and women who defended their homeland against all odds. Something that must have truly felt like they were fighting against hell itself.
Warsaw
Warsaw is another historically significant city. We have reached a point where you may be asking "are you just putting in cities that reflect your personal heritage?" To which I would respond "no! Yes... a bit.." From being the seat of power in the Polish-Lithuanian commonwealth to the Warsaw Pact, there's a lot of history down that road. One could write an entire article about why they deserve a team, instead I choose to go right into the team name.
The Warsaw Wizards, is there anything that can fully encapsulate the mystical appeal and fantastical environment of Europe better than throwing a magical term at it? Slight alliteration always helps but the term wizard seems to fit all too well right in the middle of Europe.
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