(S25) - PT 2 - Endorsement Money

[Ace]

SHL PT - https://simulationhockey.com/showthread....pid2922806

[SchwarzNarr]

When Melvin Murder-Moose came onto the scene, there was one company that knew they had to get him within the grasps as soon as possible - Betty Crocker. It might seem strange, sweet Betty Crocker from the 1920s and a destructive moose, but since the invention of cake and the birth of Melvin, the two were a match made in heaven. Per Melvin’s contract with the Colorado Yeti, he must be provided cake on demand. In addition, after being sought out by Betty Crocker, the only cake that Melvin is allowed to eat and endorse are those sweet boxed delights.

In order to create a dynamic set of advertisements that appeals to multiple demographics (and not those who want to boycott a murderous moose), Betty Crocker and Melvin have developed several commercials and print advertisements suited to the needs of both parties. Included are:

- Melvin eating Red Velvet cake while shedding his own ‘Red Velvet’. Tagline: It hides the blood so you don’t have to
- Melvin eating chocolate cake, allusions to the color of the cake and Melvin’s beautiful fur coating exist
- Melvin eating vanilla cake with chocolate frosting. Tagline: So delicious, you could die for it.
- Print advertisement of Melvin with strawberry frosting around his mouth.

Additionally, Melvin will appear in rehabilitation clinics discussing his own journey from murderer to cake aficionado. During these talks it will be emphasized that Melvin regrets his actions that led to the death of Daria Guava-Fresca, and feels remorse for all that he can do. He appreciates the support of the Betty Crocker team, and will continue to navigate a world where cake is not the only option.

At this point, however, the Betty Crocker team feels held hostage by this contract, as they are terrified what might happen if they were to stop providing Melvin with endless amounts of cake.

[Pat]

Hey there sports fans! It's the one, the only, the Mayor of Flavortown, Doy Fieri here to tell you all about a hot new product that I'm introducing to the public this winter: Doy's Super Duper Dunkalicious Donkey Sauce! What is Super Duper Dunkalicious Donkey Sauce? it is a proprietary blend of mayonnaise, mango habanero salsa, Worcestershire sauce, brown mustard, and a combination of 13 different spices and seasonings. It's a perfect combination of sweet, spicy, and tangy that will bring you in with its heavenly aroma and then give you a swift kick to the teeth. Doy's Super Duper Dunkalicious Donkey Sauce, S-Triple-D for short, will turn you into a glutton for punishment, as you'll be craving it on everything. Chicken wings? Slather those bad boys in SDDD and show your tailgating friends what it is to know God. Mexican food? Kick your enchilada sauce up to the next level and cover those bad boys with half a gallon. Oh, you're a vegetarian and think that meat is murder? Well I've got news for you! Super Duper Dunkalicious Donkey Sauce is the PERFECT way to add pizzazz to your salads! It also works great as a dip for your carrots and broccoli.

I'm also STOKED to announce that I'm also publishing my first ever cookbook to celebrate the release of S-Triple-D, "Cooking Day with Doy" which will be available at Barnes and Nobles nation-wide November 3rd! In support of the book and the launch of S-Triple-D, we're hosting a contest! Entry rules are simple: send me your homemade recipes involving Doy's Super Duper Dunkalicious Donkey Sauce on Twitter and Instagram with the hashtag #DoyDunkedonMe. One lucky winner will get an all-expenses paid trip down to Tijuana to spend a day with me as we cook for the entire Luchadores team! It'll be a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity! I'm even told that we're expecting some Tijuana legends to show up!

So, get out there and support Flavortown by picking up a bottle of Doy's Super Duper Dunkalicious Donkey Sauce today!

[Mojojojo]

[slothfacekilla]

I think the natural endorsement for New Orleans' Ben Slothlisberger would be a large cigarette company since he is known for playing football while smoking cigarettes.  Let's go with Marlboro as the smokes brand that Ben decides to rep.  Slothlisberger would of course be pushing the classic no filter cigarettes to make sure all the most harmful chemicals are going into his body while he plays football.  Ben would be a part of a new line of national commercials that would air during most of the ISFL games on TV.  It would be a series of commercials where Ben Slothlisberger goes around to different parts of the country (dressed up in his full football gear of course) and throws "passes" to random people, but instead of footballs they are unlit cigarettes and they fly into people's mouths.  The ISFL's [current] most active passer is making sure that everyone fuels their cigarette addictions across the country!  The company would probably try to get Ben to say some sort of slogan at the beginning and/or end of the commercials, but Ben doesn't have much hustle in him and couldn't be bothered to remember the lines.  So the commercials will just end with a close up on Ben's face with a "whatever" look on it while the slogan is put on screen in the form of text.  Beautiful!  It would probably come out that Ben was working with Marlboro before he even made the ISFL, he was smoking the cigs way back in college after all.  Sorry to all the kids about the product choice.

263 words

[Crunk]

[bjkman]

PBE Affiliate

[ZootTX]

Zee Rechs is just a simple guy who grew up in the country on a cattle ranch, and he doesn’t have complicated or sophisticated tastes. When he landed in the DSFL, he got a few minor offers for the standard things that athletes get: clothes, shoes, supplements, etc. But nothing he was too passionate about, and the big deals don’t come until you get to the ISFL. Now, everyone who knows Zee knows he loves to eat, almost as much as the linemen. His favorite treat is ice cream. It doesn’t matter if it's 100 degrees outside, or 0, you can find Zee chowing down after dinner on a big old bowl of it. Which is good because up there in Yellowknife there are a lot of cold nights. So when he got an offer endorsement deal for Blue Bell Ice Cream this year, it was probably the most excited he’s ever been (with the exception of when he got drafted, of course.) So now, any time you pick up a carton of Blue Bell at the store, not to mention all the billboards, internet, and TV ads, there’s Zee’s big, smiling face staring back at you reminding everyone just how much he freaking loves it. Honestly, Zee probably would have just done it for the free ice cream, but he does enjoy the monthly paycheck he gets too. Oh, his favorite flavor is the Cookie Two Step, because it combines chocolate chip cookie dough and cookies and cream.

249 words

[Cody]

I'm Gary Goodman and I endorse Choccy Milk!

[xTri]

S25 PT Pass