The holiday season has begun and many of you are still stuffed/hungover from your Thanksgiving celebrations, how about them Cowboys? Hope you all had a fantastic time and enjoyed yourselves. With our new season about to begin and drafts being completed both in the ISFL and DSFL, I thought now would be the best time to review them and make up some completely false statements about the players drafted. I may or may not slander some teams as well, please do not take it personally at the end of the day we are all doing this for a bit of fun and everything in this article is made up and from my bias perspective. That being said the London Royals suck and are my least favourite team in the whole sim, damn 0-5 against you ***** and absolutely delighted you lost the Ultimini to Tijuana. Now that is out the way I will start with the ISFL draft where my team the Berlin Fire Salamanders had the first pick.
Berlin Fire Salamanders Round 1 Pick 1 - BamBam McMullet – Linebacker
With the first pick of the draft the Fire Salamanders selected linebacker McMullet to strengthen their leaky defence. McMullet is the best linebacker in the draft and will definitely strengthen Berlin from the get go. Berlin will be hoping BamBam brings the winning culture from the Tijuana Luchadores over with him.
BamBams parents named him after Barney Rubbles kid from The Flintstones, little did they know he would grow in to the hard-hitting player he is now.
Key Stats - 97 tackles, 2 tackles for a loss, 4 sacks and 2 interceptions
BamBam McMullet’s favourite song is: Baccara - I can boogie.
Pick Rating 10/10
New York Silverbacks Round 1 Pick 2 – Dogwood Maple – Safety
With their first pick of the draft the Silverbacks have picked up a great playmaker in Maple. The Silverbacks were incredibly poor on defence last season so this seems like a good pickup. Dogwood is pretty cool but he has just come from an incredibly poor Norfolk Seawolves team. Will he help shore up the Silverbacks defensive woes? Only time will tell but I do think it is a good pick up for them.
Key Stats – 84 tackles, 6 sacks
Dogwood Maple’s favourite song is Black Betty – Ram Jam
Pick Rating 10/10
Baltimore Hawks Round 1 Pick 3 – Ernest Lover – Defensive End
The Hawks pick up the best defensive end in the draft with the third overall pick. Lover is a great pass rusher detailed in their sacks last season. On top of this Lover is also exceptional against the run recording 11 tackles for a loss. Lover has the potential to be an elite player so this really is a fantastic move by the Hawks. Love this pick, Lover is going to be absolute nightmare for Offensive Linemen and Quarterbacks alike.
Key Stats – 75 tackles, 11 tackles for loss, 8 sacks and 1 forced fumble
Ernes Lover’s favourite song: Bon Jovi – Shot Through the Heart
Pick Rating 10/10
Yellowknife Wraiths Round 1 Pick 4 – Arthur Naught – Wide Receiver
I do not know much about this receiver and despite Yellowknifes apparent need for help at wide out I cannot help but think this is a bit of a reach here. I reckon they could have traded back here and still managed to get their guy later in this round. With that being said Naught is a reliable receiver with good hands but he does most of his work between the 20s and will definitely need to up his touchdowns to warrant coming off the board so early. I wish him every success but I am unsure if he will be able to live up to being drafted so high.
Key Stats – 63 Receptions, 720 yards, 11.4 yards per catch and 1 touchdown
Arthur Naught’s favourite song is: George Michael – Faith
Pick Rating 6/10
New Orleans Second Line Round 1 Pick 5 – Vincent Jones – Linebacker
This is a good pick up for the Second Line, big Vincent Jones is as hard as they come. If you imagine The Juggernaut from x-men at linebacker this is essentially what you could get. This man will make plays all over the field. My only concern about Jones is that he is a complete headcase, the guy is mental and is never too far away from controversy. If he can keep his head screwed then this is a great move, if not well then the Second Line better have their press statements pre-typed.
Key Stats – 110 tackles, 2 tackles for a loss 9 sacks and 1 forced fumble
Vincent Jones favourite song is: Finbar Furey - The Galway Shawl
Pick Rating 8/10
Philadelphia Liberty Round 1 Pick 6 – Ryan “Turnover” Negs – Quarterback
According to one of the General Manager’s for the Liberty he “could not be more excited” to draft him although if you heard his tone of voice you would think he is far from excited! Anyway that is irrelevant… If Berlin needed a quarterback this is the player I would have wanted us to take with the first overall pick, sadly it was not to be. I played on the Minnesota Grey Ducks with Negs this season and the guy is great. He did not have the most productive seasons last year but he definitely warranted going first overall in the DSFL draft and did help the Grey Ducks get to the playoffs, although he did have an absolute horrid game against the London Royals. Negs did not have the most eye popping stats last season but I put that down to his receiving core not being the strongest, that being said he elevated their performance and was very reliable. The sky really is the limit for Ryan Negs, my only concern is can he achieve greatness in Philadelphia? There’s not a team in the ISFL I have backed against more than the Liberty in the 2 seasons I have been in the league. For Negs sake I am hopeful he can turn this team around.
Key Stats: 2477 passing yards, 251 completions, 13 touchdowns, 13 interceptions and a Quarterback Rating of 66
Ryan “Turnover” Negs favourite song is: Backstreet Boys – I Want it That Way
Pick Rating 10/10
Honolulu Hahalua Round 1 Pick 7 – Cobra Kai – Running Back
This is a nice pick up for Honolulu and they must have been laughing when they guy they wanted fell to them with the 7th pick. There was rumours that Honolulu were considering trading up to secure Kai but decided against it. Kai was the only highlight in a very underwhelming and shockingly bad campaign for the Dallas Birddogs. Kai has the potential to be a cornerstone in Honolulu for years to come.
Key Stats – 1482 yards, 5.3 yards per carry and 8 touchdowns on 278 rushing attempts.
Cobra Kai’s favourite song is: Vanilla Ice – Ice Ice Baby
Pick Rating 9/10
Chicago Butchers Round 1 Pick 8 – Alexander “Hordle” Franklin – Offensive Line
With every successful Quarterback there tends to be a successful and solid Offensive Line. Well the Butchers have picked up the man that spearheaded the Line for number 6 pick Ryan Negs and it is no surprise to see Hordle go a couple of picks later. The Butchers strengthen their offensive line with the best tackle in the draft. Their General Manger has confirmed he was looking to trade up to get Hordle but could not find any takers. The Butchers definitely needed to add some O-Line depth here as they were the joint lowest team for passing touchdowns last season. They will be hoping Hordle will be able to give O’Donnell some extra time in the pocket to increase his touchdown count. Horlde is an all rounder and should succeed in the ISFL. The Butchers adding more Grey Ducks to their Locker Room here so there will be a few familiar faces for Hordle whenever he gets called up.
Key Stats – 47 pancakes, 1 sack allowed
Alexander Franklin’s Favourite Song is: KISS – I Was Made For Lovin’ You
Pick Rating 10/10
Arizona Outlaws Round 1 Pick 9 – Moe Skeeter – Safety
The Outlaws had no intention in picking up Skeeter with their pick, that is purely down to the fact they expected him to be off the board by the time they were on the clock. So it was a no brainer for them to pick Skeeter up when he fell to them at pick 9. Skeeter had a relatively impressive season on a poor Portland Pythons team. His numbers would look better if he was not playing in the same position as standout Minnesota Grey Ducks Safety Damian “Napalm” Blackfyre dominating last season.
Key Stats – 67 tackles, 4 sacks, 4 interceptions and 4 passes defended
Moe Skeeter’s Favourite song is: Whitesnake – Here I go Again
Pick Rating 8/10
Sarasota Sailfish – Round 1 Pick 10 – Demon Jaxson- Defensive End
I do not have too much information on this pick other than he was late to the league and was a waiver pick up. He has been fairly active since joining the league and could be productive if he sticks at. He is the second Defensive player off the board from the Portland Pythons. I do however think there were better picks available than this guy although I do see the potential.
Key stats – 24 tackles, 9 tackles for a loss and 3 sacks
Demon Jaxon’s Favourite song is: Kid Cudi – Mojo so Dope
Pick Rating 7/10
Berlin Fire Salamanders (via Chicago Butchers) – Round 1 Pick 11 – Derek Wildstar – Safety
We had our first in draft trade here with the Chicago Butchers parting with their first rounder in exchange for a second rounder this season and next season. I know there were folk in the Fire Salamanders locker room suggesting that the team try and trade up for Wildstar from about the 3rd pick in the draft. The General Managers finally decided to jump up the board and managed to do so by nothing giving up too much in order to seal the deal. There was a lot of mock drafters expecting Wildstar to be a top 5 pick and I think it was absolutely criminal that Wildstar fell this far, but am I complaining? Absolutely not the Fire Salamanders got an absolute stud of a player. His stats may not be as pleasing on the eye as the aforementioned Damian Blackfyre but he did play on a much poorer Kansas City Coyotes defence than Blackfyre’s Minnesota Grey Ducks.
Key Stats – 62 tackles, 1 sack, 1 pass defended and 1 tackle for a loss
Derek Wildstar’s Favourite song is: Elvis Pressley – Return to Sender
Pick Rating: 10/10
Yellowknife Wraiths (via Orange County Otters) Round 1 Pick 12 – Leonard Taylor - Linebacker
Having waited until pick 11 for our first trade we got back to back ones with the Wraiths parting with next year’s first rounder in exchange for this pick. It’s a good move for the Otters who were not overly sold on anyone left on the board to warrant a first round pick. This is a win win for both teams. Now what are the Wraiths getting here from Taylor? They are getting a linebacker that has the build to line up against slot receivers or tight ends who also has some playmaking ability, this is a good pick up for the Wraiths who were in desperate need for playmakers on both offence and defence. I reckon their pick at 4 may have still been available at this point but I guess it does not really matter as they have picked up both players they were heavily interested in before the draft.
Key Stats – 108 tackles, 1 forced fumble, 1 fumble recovery and 1 interception
Leonard Taylor’s favourite song is: Spandau Ballet – Gold
Pick Rating 9/10
Colorado Yeti – Round 1 Pick 13 – Redbeard McFredbeard – Defensive Tackle
With the penultimate pick of my part 1 review the Yeti selected a Nose tackle from Kansas City Coyotes. He may not have been the most productive player last season as shown by his stats below but McFredbeard is a very unselfish player. He commands double teams from the Offensive Line which then free ups players on the outside with their 1 on 1 matchups. He is not the most productive pass rushers but he is reliable on the run. The Yeti has only been a few pieces away from winning the Ultimiti in the past 2 campaigns and have been incredibly disappointed to come up short in both meetings with San Jose Sabercats (when they were heavily favoured), could this be the missing piece of the jigsaw to finally help push them over the line? Time will tell but they will most definitely need a few other players to step up.
Key stats – 37 tackles, 1 tackle for a loss and 1 sack
Evanescence – Bring me to Life
Pick Rating 8/10
San Jose SaberCats – Round 1 Pick 14 – Tugg Speedman – Wide Receiver
Another 1st round pick coming from my most hated team in the DSFL (The London Royals) putting my hatred aside for a few moments I do think Speedman is the best wide receiver coming out of this class. I do not want to throw any shade at Arthur Naught but he had no right to be drafted ahead of Steedman, Steedman’s numbers are better in every single aspect! Now the Sabercats have added another weapon to their arsenal as they are looking to move on to their third Ultimiti in successive years. I do think they will struggle to do that but adding a playmaker like Speedman to your squad is definitely not going to harm their chances!
Key stats – 73 receptions, 841 yards, 11.5 yards per catch and 4 touchdowns
Tugg Speedman’s favourite song is an absolute belter, if you have not heard it before you should give it a listen. Ludovico Einaudi – Nuvole Bianche
Pick Rating 10/10
First Round picks per team
Kansas City Coyotes – Arthur Naught Wide (Receiver), Derek Wildstar (Safety), Redbeard McFredbeard (Defensive Tackle)
London Royals – Ernest Lover (Defensive End), Tugg Speedman (Wide Receiver)
Minnesota Grey Ducks – Ryan Negs (Quarter Back), Alexander Franklin (Offensive Tackle)
Bondi (Previously Myrtle) Beach Buccaneers – Leonard Taylor (Linebacker)
Tijuana Luchadores – BamBam McMullet (Linebacker), Vincent Jones (Linebacker)
Norfolk Seawolves – Dogwood Maple (Safety)
Portland Pythons – Moe Skeeter (Safety), Demon Jaxson (Defensive End)
Dallas Birddogs – Cobra Kai (Running back)
The Kansas City Coyotes back office will be absolutely thrilled with how this draft went and will give themselves a pack on the back for their recruiting process. Any team would be happy to see 3 of their young stars go in the first round. Naturally though with 3 key players being picked up early in the draft there is every possibility that these guys will be called up to the ISFL immediately. I do not see all 3 of these players playing in the famous Coyotes jersey again. For those that do not get called up this will most definitely be their last season in the DSFL.
I hope this meets the grade for the x1.5 media boost and it was not as painful for you to read as it was for to me write.
Berlin Fire Salamanders Round 1 Pick 1 - BamBam McMullet – Linebacker
With the first pick of the draft the Fire Salamanders selected linebacker McMullet to strengthen their leaky defence. McMullet is the best linebacker in the draft and will definitely strengthen Berlin from the get go. Berlin will be hoping BamBam brings the winning culture from the Tijuana Luchadores over with him.
BamBams parents named him after Barney Rubbles kid from The Flintstones, little did they know he would grow in to the hard-hitting player he is now.
Key Stats - 97 tackles, 2 tackles for a loss, 4 sacks and 2 interceptions
BamBam McMullet’s favourite song is: Baccara - I can boogie.
Pick Rating 10/10
New York Silverbacks Round 1 Pick 2 – Dogwood Maple – Safety
With their first pick of the draft the Silverbacks have picked up a great playmaker in Maple. The Silverbacks were incredibly poor on defence last season so this seems like a good pickup. Dogwood is pretty cool but he has just come from an incredibly poor Norfolk Seawolves team. Will he help shore up the Silverbacks defensive woes? Only time will tell but I do think it is a good pick up for them.
Key Stats – 84 tackles, 6 sacks
Dogwood Maple’s favourite song is Black Betty – Ram Jam
Pick Rating 10/10
Baltimore Hawks Round 1 Pick 3 – Ernest Lover – Defensive End
The Hawks pick up the best defensive end in the draft with the third overall pick. Lover is a great pass rusher detailed in their sacks last season. On top of this Lover is also exceptional against the run recording 11 tackles for a loss. Lover has the potential to be an elite player so this really is a fantastic move by the Hawks. Love this pick, Lover is going to be absolute nightmare for Offensive Linemen and Quarterbacks alike.
Key Stats – 75 tackles, 11 tackles for loss, 8 sacks and 1 forced fumble
Ernes Lover’s favourite song: Bon Jovi – Shot Through the Heart
Pick Rating 10/10
Yellowknife Wraiths Round 1 Pick 4 – Arthur Naught – Wide Receiver
I do not know much about this receiver and despite Yellowknifes apparent need for help at wide out I cannot help but think this is a bit of a reach here. I reckon they could have traded back here and still managed to get their guy later in this round. With that being said Naught is a reliable receiver with good hands but he does most of his work between the 20s and will definitely need to up his touchdowns to warrant coming off the board so early. I wish him every success but I am unsure if he will be able to live up to being drafted so high.
Key Stats – 63 Receptions, 720 yards, 11.4 yards per catch and 1 touchdown
Arthur Naught’s favourite song is: George Michael – Faith
Pick Rating 6/10
New Orleans Second Line Round 1 Pick 5 – Vincent Jones – Linebacker
This is a good pick up for the Second Line, big Vincent Jones is as hard as they come. If you imagine The Juggernaut from x-men at linebacker this is essentially what you could get. This man will make plays all over the field. My only concern about Jones is that he is a complete headcase, the guy is mental and is never too far away from controversy. If he can keep his head screwed then this is a great move, if not well then the Second Line better have their press statements pre-typed.
Key Stats – 110 tackles, 2 tackles for a loss 9 sacks and 1 forced fumble
Vincent Jones favourite song is: Finbar Furey - The Galway Shawl
Pick Rating 8/10
Philadelphia Liberty Round 1 Pick 6 – Ryan “Turnover” Negs – Quarterback
According to one of the General Manager’s for the Liberty he “could not be more excited” to draft him although if you heard his tone of voice you would think he is far from excited! Anyway that is irrelevant… If Berlin needed a quarterback this is the player I would have wanted us to take with the first overall pick, sadly it was not to be. I played on the Minnesota Grey Ducks with Negs this season and the guy is great. He did not have the most productive seasons last year but he definitely warranted going first overall in the DSFL draft and did help the Grey Ducks get to the playoffs, although he did have an absolute horrid game against the London Royals. Negs did not have the most eye popping stats last season but I put that down to his receiving core not being the strongest, that being said he elevated their performance and was very reliable. The sky really is the limit for Ryan Negs, my only concern is can he achieve greatness in Philadelphia? There’s not a team in the ISFL I have backed against more than the Liberty in the 2 seasons I have been in the league. For Negs sake I am hopeful he can turn this team around.
Key Stats: 2477 passing yards, 251 completions, 13 touchdowns, 13 interceptions and a Quarterback Rating of 66
Ryan “Turnover” Negs favourite song is: Backstreet Boys – I Want it That Way
Pick Rating 10/10
Honolulu Hahalua Round 1 Pick 7 – Cobra Kai – Running Back
This is a nice pick up for Honolulu and they must have been laughing when they guy they wanted fell to them with the 7th pick. There was rumours that Honolulu were considering trading up to secure Kai but decided against it. Kai was the only highlight in a very underwhelming and shockingly bad campaign for the Dallas Birddogs. Kai has the potential to be a cornerstone in Honolulu for years to come.
Key Stats – 1482 yards, 5.3 yards per carry and 8 touchdowns on 278 rushing attempts.
Cobra Kai’s favourite song is: Vanilla Ice – Ice Ice Baby
Pick Rating 9/10
Chicago Butchers Round 1 Pick 8 – Alexander “Hordle” Franklin – Offensive Line
With every successful Quarterback there tends to be a successful and solid Offensive Line. Well the Butchers have picked up the man that spearheaded the Line for number 6 pick Ryan Negs and it is no surprise to see Hordle go a couple of picks later. The Butchers strengthen their offensive line with the best tackle in the draft. Their General Manger has confirmed he was looking to trade up to get Hordle but could not find any takers. The Butchers definitely needed to add some O-Line depth here as they were the joint lowest team for passing touchdowns last season. They will be hoping Hordle will be able to give O’Donnell some extra time in the pocket to increase his touchdown count. Horlde is an all rounder and should succeed in the ISFL. The Butchers adding more Grey Ducks to their Locker Room here so there will be a few familiar faces for Hordle whenever he gets called up.
Key Stats – 47 pancakes, 1 sack allowed
Alexander Franklin’s Favourite Song is: KISS – I Was Made For Lovin’ You
Pick Rating 10/10
Arizona Outlaws Round 1 Pick 9 – Moe Skeeter – Safety
The Outlaws had no intention in picking up Skeeter with their pick, that is purely down to the fact they expected him to be off the board by the time they were on the clock. So it was a no brainer for them to pick Skeeter up when he fell to them at pick 9. Skeeter had a relatively impressive season on a poor Portland Pythons team. His numbers would look better if he was not playing in the same position as standout Minnesota Grey Ducks Safety Damian “Napalm” Blackfyre dominating last season.
Key Stats – 67 tackles, 4 sacks, 4 interceptions and 4 passes defended
Moe Skeeter’s Favourite song is: Whitesnake – Here I go Again
Pick Rating 8/10
Sarasota Sailfish – Round 1 Pick 10 – Demon Jaxson- Defensive End
I do not have too much information on this pick other than he was late to the league and was a waiver pick up. He has been fairly active since joining the league and could be productive if he sticks at. He is the second Defensive player off the board from the Portland Pythons. I do however think there were better picks available than this guy although I do see the potential.
Key stats – 24 tackles, 9 tackles for a loss and 3 sacks
Demon Jaxon’s Favourite song is: Kid Cudi – Mojo so Dope
Pick Rating 7/10
Berlin Fire Salamanders (via Chicago Butchers) – Round 1 Pick 11 – Derek Wildstar – Safety
We had our first in draft trade here with the Chicago Butchers parting with their first rounder in exchange for a second rounder this season and next season. I know there were folk in the Fire Salamanders locker room suggesting that the team try and trade up for Wildstar from about the 3rd pick in the draft. The General Managers finally decided to jump up the board and managed to do so by nothing giving up too much in order to seal the deal. There was a lot of mock drafters expecting Wildstar to be a top 5 pick and I think it was absolutely criminal that Wildstar fell this far, but am I complaining? Absolutely not the Fire Salamanders got an absolute stud of a player. His stats may not be as pleasing on the eye as the aforementioned Damian Blackfyre but he did play on a much poorer Kansas City Coyotes defence than Blackfyre’s Minnesota Grey Ducks.
Key Stats – 62 tackles, 1 sack, 1 pass defended and 1 tackle for a loss
Derek Wildstar’s Favourite song is: Elvis Pressley – Return to Sender
Pick Rating: 10/10
Yellowknife Wraiths (via Orange County Otters) Round 1 Pick 12 – Leonard Taylor - Linebacker
Having waited until pick 11 for our first trade we got back to back ones with the Wraiths parting with next year’s first rounder in exchange for this pick. It’s a good move for the Otters who were not overly sold on anyone left on the board to warrant a first round pick. This is a win win for both teams. Now what are the Wraiths getting here from Taylor? They are getting a linebacker that has the build to line up against slot receivers or tight ends who also has some playmaking ability, this is a good pick up for the Wraiths who were in desperate need for playmakers on both offence and defence. I reckon their pick at 4 may have still been available at this point but I guess it does not really matter as they have picked up both players they were heavily interested in before the draft.
Key Stats – 108 tackles, 1 forced fumble, 1 fumble recovery and 1 interception
Leonard Taylor’s favourite song is: Spandau Ballet – Gold
Pick Rating 9/10
Colorado Yeti – Round 1 Pick 13 – Redbeard McFredbeard – Defensive Tackle
With the penultimate pick of my part 1 review the Yeti selected a Nose tackle from Kansas City Coyotes. He may not have been the most productive player last season as shown by his stats below but McFredbeard is a very unselfish player. He commands double teams from the Offensive Line which then free ups players on the outside with their 1 on 1 matchups. He is not the most productive pass rushers but he is reliable on the run. The Yeti has only been a few pieces away from winning the Ultimiti in the past 2 campaigns and have been incredibly disappointed to come up short in both meetings with San Jose Sabercats (when they were heavily favoured), could this be the missing piece of the jigsaw to finally help push them over the line? Time will tell but they will most definitely need a few other players to step up.
Key stats – 37 tackles, 1 tackle for a loss and 1 sack
Evanescence – Bring me to Life
Pick Rating 8/10
San Jose SaberCats – Round 1 Pick 14 – Tugg Speedman – Wide Receiver
Another 1st round pick coming from my most hated team in the DSFL (The London Royals) putting my hatred aside for a few moments I do think Speedman is the best wide receiver coming out of this class. I do not want to throw any shade at Arthur Naught but he had no right to be drafted ahead of Steedman, Steedman’s numbers are better in every single aspect! Now the Sabercats have added another weapon to their arsenal as they are looking to move on to their third Ultimiti in successive years. I do think they will struggle to do that but adding a playmaker like Speedman to your squad is definitely not going to harm their chances!
Key stats – 73 receptions, 841 yards, 11.5 yards per catch and 4 touchdowns
Tugg Speedman’s favourite song is an absolute belter, if you have not heard it before you should give it a listen. Ludovico Einaudi – Nuvole Bianche
Pick Rating 10/10
First Round picks per team
Kansas City Coyotes – Arthur Naught Wide (Receiver), Derek Wildstar (Safety), Redbeard McFredbeard (Defensive Tackle)
London Royals – Ernest Lover (Defensive End), Tugg Speedman (Wide Receiver)
Minnesota Grey Ducks – Ryan Negs (Quarter Back), Alexander Franklin (Offensive Tackle)
Bondi (Previously Myrtle) Beach Buccaneers – Leonard Taylor (Linebacker)
Tijuana Luchadores – BamBam McMullet (Linebacker), Vincent Jones (Linebacker)
Norfolk Seawolves – Dogwood Maple (Safety)
Portland Pythons – Moe Skeeter (Safety), Demon Jaxson (Defensive End)
Dallas Birddogs – Cobra Kai (Running back)
The Kansas City Coyotes back office will be absolutely thrilled with how this draft went and will give themselves a pack on the back for their recruiting process. Any team would be happy to see 3 of their young stars go in the first round. Naturally though with 3 key players being picked up early in the draft there is every possibility that these guys will be called up to the ISFL immediately. I do not see all 3 of these players playing in the famous Coyotes jersey again. For those that do not get called up this will most definitely be their last season in the DSFL.
I hope this meets the grade for the x1.5 media boost and it was not as painful for you to read as it was for to me write.