(S31) Ultimus Week

[hihihi_62]

Tier 2
#10. Quinton Crash's rise to stardom in the ISFL is one of great mystery and one absolutely worth a deep dive. As many fans around the league have come to learn Quinton was born and raised in the secluded Canadian Tundra in a small town named Rankin Inlet Nunavut. Now a town this close to the North Pole might not immediately strike you as a place that breeds ISFL stars but Quinton's rise is not without precedent. Many of you have likely heard of retired ISFL superstar Mervin Leonard who was also from a secluded Northern village and Quinton often cites Mervin as one of his main influences growing up as he watched the nearby Yellowknife Wraith games on local TV.

Growing up Quinton separated himself very early on from local competition as a star in the making although being so secluded in the North it was difficult to garner much College Scout interest. In an attempt to capture some type of attention Quinton began streaming via a Youtube Channel entitled "Crash's Catches" at the age of 14. Although at first the Youtube Channel didn't get much traction a highlight reel released his Junior year went viral as not only Quinton feature unbelievable football highlight after highlight  but he also featured clips of himself training with local wildlife including clips of him outrunning Polar Bears, wrestling seals and riding reindeer. As ridiculous as this may sound it caught the attention of nearly every major Division 1 NCAA program along with immediate scholarship offers to nearly every Canadian University Program.

Unfortunately for Quinton though tragedy struck in his Senior year of High School. During a routine training session with his fellow teammates on their high school field which is actually located on a nearby frozen lake Quinton stepped into an unmarked ice fishing hole and completed broke with femur.  This set back put Quinton into a tough position - Div 1 programs lost interest in him and the scholarships he had initially been offered by the Canadian Universities also began being rescinded. After some serious reflection Crash decided to take a year off and train by himself using local alternative medicine techniques to completely heal his broken femur and come back even stronger than before

Once back to full health Quinton focused on one thing and one thing only - going pro. He continued his local training regimes and managed to land a try out with the Kansas City Coyotes...lets jus t say the rest is history. (413 words)


Tier 3
#19. Airing this Friday exclusively on ABC tune into to watch TVs latest police thriller, "Red, Blue, CRASH", featuring New Orleans Second Line star wide receiver, Quinton Crash. When it comes to police shows you think you've seen it all but "Red, Blue, CRASH" is a new type of police thriller featuring weekly appearances from Hollywood's biggest stars. Every week we'll follow along as Quinton Crash and an A list celebrity rides along with local SWAT units as they keep their local communities safe. If you think "COPS" and "Live PD" were crazy wait until you see what happens when  the likes of Jonah Hill, Angelina Jolie and Kanye West strap on the bullet proof vest, load their semi automatic rifle and kick in doors side by side Quinton Crash in an attempt to locate and arrest America's most wanted. Every week will feature an hour long episode and if the team captures their desired target - without any casualties - ABC will donate $100,000 to a local non profit charity. Does this sound absolutely crazy? Well it absolutely is and voids all of Quinton Crash's ISFL medical benefits and insurance policies. So, tune into ABC this Friday at 6 PM to watch, "Red, Blue CRASH". (203 Words)

#25. Alright, so funny enough the main reason I chose Wide Receiver with this create was because I had a long successful career as a Cornerback with my previous user and when choosing a new position thought to myself, "I just spent 10+ seasons stopping Wide Receiver's so now it's my turn to show them how it's done". I think if there was no Wide out option as a create this time around I would choose a quarterback. I've now spent the majority of my time in this league shutting down QBs, and padding their stats catching their passes so guess what - it's now my turn to load up on the eye popping stats and show every defence in the league I mean business. I believe that I'm most definitely a consistent enough TPE earner to get to a level required by an ISFL QB and I've also established myself within in the league enough to have teams interested in me to do so. As much as I love the skill positions that I have been playing being the face of a franchise would be a ton of fun and something I'm not sure I can achieve as a wide receiver at this point. (203 Words)

[Bigred1580]

15. Going to Disneyland! Who was the Ultimus Game MVP? Give us a rundown of their celebratory trip to Disneyland. (Can be completed after the Ultimus game)



18. Graphic Option: Create a graphic of your player with your teammate who exhibits a team-friendly attitude.



23. Create a billboard, magazine cover, unique trading card, or video game cover depicting a one of the league's stars.



27. What team do you think has the best branding in the league? What team do you think could use a refresh? Why?

[hotdog]

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15. Going to Disneyland! Who was the Ultimus Game MVP? Give us a rundown of their celebratory trip to Disneyland. (Can be completed after the Ultimus game)

Welp it's been a few days and I still actually don't even know who was in the ultimus, let alone who won it, let alone who might be MVP, so now seems like the perfect time to click a few links and find out. Lol wait really? Hahalua won? I feel like they were garbage just a couple of seasons ago?? Wow, congrats to them legitimately. Checking out the box score I see one clear candidate for Ultimus MVP and it's Lalo Salamanca - 8 receptions for 130 yards and 2 touchdowns wow! Congrats to Lalo Salamanca on this incredible ultimus performance. Fields was a beast on defense with 5 deflections and a pick, but Salamanca gets the prize here. Salamanca went crazy at Disneyland, filling himself up with an ungodly quantity of popcorn - for some reason, this was his favorite, and he ate two full massive containers of popcorn. Good on him, he deserves to do what he wants! Camera crews caught Salamanca hunched over holding his stomach later in the day though, perhaps a result of the two massive tubs of popcorn and several souvenir sized pints of ale that he managed to slug down along the way. still a great day for the MVP i'm sure, despite the tummy troubles.

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19. If your player had a show starring them, what would the plot be? Graphic Option: Create the cover art for your player’s show

DB Jadakiss would be featured in a reality show about his rap career. This show would follow Jadakiss around, primarily in the recording studio. It would detail Jadakiss's commitment to community involvement in his native Yonkers, NY neighborhood over on Warburton Ave. It would document his friendships with longtime LOX partners Sheek Louch and Styles P. Actually honestly Styles P would be a better subject for a tv show cuz he started his juice bar business and all that but anyway that's not the point since here we're following Jadakiss! In fact, perhaps J will occasionally go and help Styles P at the juice bar, there we go. It would also document how he's able to balance his musical career with a career in the International Simulation Football League as a safety for the Arizona Outlaws. Jadakiss is dedicated to both of his crafts, a life balance that seems difficult to attain, so following him around to see how he manages to be so great at two separate careers at once will be incredible. Co-stars in the reality show will include Sheek Louch, Styles P, Fabolous, Swizz Beatz, Chuck Roth, Rich Triplet, and Ragnar Krashwagen. The show will be rated TV-MA for language, implied drug use, and discussion of mature themes. 

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28. Choose one existing award. Tell us why you think a certain player should win that award this season. Stats, or anything else possible should be used to support your case.

Glancing at the S31 index, there seem to be several obvious candidates for certain awards. Looking at the QB stats, Mattathias Caliban seems to have blown everyone else out of the water in terms of touchdowns and yards both, and seems to be a lock for quarterback of the year as well as most valuable player, I'm guessing. Goat Tank has a similar case for running back of the year, pacing all running backs in both yards and touchdowns again. Honestly pretty difficult to disgree with those. My favorite award to award this season, though, and this one should probably be a runaway as well, is kicker of the year. There are kickers with more extra points, with more field goals, and with longer longs than Jacob Small, but Jacob Small is in my mind an easy winner of this award, and it all comes down to accuracy. Across the league, we see some decent field goal percentages, but no one is even in the 90s. Taipan Pete is closest, just shy of 90 at 89.3% field goals made. Jacob Small sits head and shoulders and honestly even torso limbs and waist above the competition at a staggering 100%. Dude didn't miss a field goal the ENTIRE season, and the next closest in percentage missed three. To boot, Small didn't miss a single extra point either. He couldn't have possibly had a better season as a kicker, so props to him.

[Michiganonymous]

Long Form, Task #4, "Sim Gonna Sim"

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One of the more remarkable incidents of “sim gonna sim” in recent memory came to us in Week 7 of Season 30 in the DSFL. As cheering Norfolk Seawolves and groaning Minnesota Grey Ducks fans have already guessed, I am of course referring to Norfolk 48, Minnesota 34. The game instantly entered Norfolk legend, and will forever stand as a shining example of that principle beloved by plucky underdogs everywhere: “Any given sim day.”

The Season 30 Minnesota Grey Ducks were the defending Ultimini champions and heavy favorites to repeat. Circumstances aligned to give Minnesota a team stacked with talent, loaded up on veteran DSFL stars who in most years would’ve already been called up by ISFL clubs. The roster reads like the DSFL record book, and indeed the Grey Ducks would write some new entries in it in Season 30. The team was led by running back John Huntsman, unquestionably the greatest RB in DSFL history, whose career records of 909 rushing attempts, 3819 yards, and 36 rushing touchdowns may well never be broken. He also holds the season record for rushing TDs with 17 and has the second-most single-season rushing yards with 1470. Under center was Kazimir Oles Jr., who would finish his DSFL career that season second in career passing TDs, third in career yards, and holding the record for season completion percentage. He is also the only QB in DSFL history to post consecutive seasons with a passer rating of 99 or better. Helping Oles set all those passing records was a trio of outstanding wide receivers: Mason Malone, Vincent Sharpei Jr., and Rodka Raskolnikov. Sharpei Jr. in particular is notable for holding career and season records for receiving TDs, and both he and Malone are near the top of the list for career catches and yards. The lightly used third receiver, Raskolnikov, could’ve been a number 1 receiver on perhaps any other DSFL team.

It was the offense that drew the most attention, but the defense was very quietly just as formidable. A speedy, swarming unit, they would finish the season with the most team tackles and the second-most team sacks. At the heart of the defense were two excellent linebackers, defensive captain LaCarpetron Dukemarriot and pass-rushing specialist Brooks Bane, coming off a 12-sack campaign in Season 29. The front seven also featured quarterbacks’ nightmare and future 1st overall ISFL draft pick Morpheus Czargyros at defensive end, and a massive run-stuffing nose tackle in ILove HotSalads. In the backfield, the Grey Ducks could boast one of the league’s best cornerback pairings in Owen Reed and Amy Wong, who doubled as a dangerous kick returner. With this fearsome defense and their juggernaut offense, the Grey Ducks had won 11 straight games dating back to the previous season, and their average margin of victory in the first six weeks of Season 30 was 14 points. A perfect season was a very real possibility, some thought a near-certainty.

Entering the Norfolkdome as heavy home underdogs, as much as +19.5 at some sportsbooks, were the 0-6 Norfolk Seawolves. Their closest game of the season to that point had been an 8-point loss to Bondi Beach in Week 1, and they had a total point differential of -120 through six games. They were a team experiencing growing pains, with rookie quarterback Malcolm Savage throwing to three rookie wide receivers, French Fries, Malcador the Hero, and recent waiver signing Johnny Patey. The offense did have a pair of reliable veteran running backs, Jeremy Crouse and Matthew Holford, but with Norfolk often down multiple scores, game script frequently kept them from having the kind of impact they were truly capable of. Savage was protected by the league’s best left tackle, Clifford Wilson, but the rest of the offensive line, all robots, left Savage scrambling frequently.

The defense had veteran leadership from linebacker Sigo Hendricks, defensive end Stewart Hellraiser, and cornerback Hououin Kyouma. However, the defensive captain was second overall pick Sconnie McHits, who despite being a rookie had immediately established himself as a vocal team leader and one of the league’s best middle linebackers. In fact, the defense was possibly even more reliant on rookies than the offense, with first-year players at every level. Besides McHits, the defense featured Nep Neppy at defensive tackle, Nathan Claflin at linebacker, and Lucas Arnold and Spike Daniels at the two safety spots. Despite having one of the league’s best cornerbacks in Hououin Kyouma, a true shutdown corner and dangerous interception threat, the defensive backfield was the team’s obvious weakness. Neither Arnold nor Daniels had looked impressive at safety, and Norfolk only had robots available to line up at the corner spots across from Kyouma. If the Seawolves’ surprising front seven managed to slow down or even contain the rushing threat from John Huntsman, the vulnerable backfield was still ripe for Kazimir Oles Jr. and Minnesota’s receivers to pick apart.

Several Norfolk players engaged in a good-humored war of words with the Grey Ducks official Twitter account on the day of the contest, cheerfully embracing the role of fearless underdogs and potential spoilers. But although the young, hungry Seawolves clearly would not be intimidated, no one truly expected the game to be close. Some commentators even speculated that Minnesota might set a new league record for points scored or margin of victory. For their part, Norfolk’s players simply vowed to play four quarters of their best football and never give up. “Any given sim day.”

On this sim day, Minnesota’s first successful play of the game was a 63-yard pass from Oles Jr. to Sharpei Jr. that put Minnesota in the Norfolk red zone less than a minute into the game. Events seemed to be unfolding as most had expected. But then Oles put a pass behind Sharpei on 1st and 10, and Mason Malone, surprisingly, dropped a sure touchdown on 2nd and 10. On 3rd and 10, Norfolk’s Sigo Hendricks would not be denied, smashing through the Minnesota offensive line and hammering Oles for an 11-yard loss, knocking the ball loose, although Oles quickly fell on his own fumble. After the early big play, the Grey Ducks were forced to settle for a field goal. The home crowd roared; by holding off that initial drive, the Seawolves had already exceeded expectations.

Unfortunately, a great defensive play by the Grey Ducks’ Amy Wong and two consecutive dropped passes kept Norfolk from crossing the 50 on their first drive of the game. But on Minnesota’s next drive, the Seawolves’ defense came through again, stuffing a Huntsman run and pressuring Oles into an off-target throw. On 3rd down Sconnie McHits made a spectacular play in pass coverage, forcing the Grey Ducks to punt on 4th and 9. Fielding the punt at their own 25, the Seawolves proceeded to stun the Grey Ducks, television viewers, and many of their own fans with a 6-play, 75-yard touchdown drive that included an 8-yard scramble and slide for a first down by Malcolm Savage, followed by a 48-yard catch and run by Malcador the Hero. At the end of the 1st quarter, it was Seawolves 7, Grey Ducks 3. No one anticipated that Norfolk would hold the lead in this game for any significant length of time. No one had expected Kazimir Oles Jr. to start the game 1-for-7, or for Minnesota’s receivers to catch Drop Fever. A strange feeling started to come over the home crowd in Norfolk. “Any given sim day.”

The second quarter opened with Minnesota facing 3rd and 3 at the Norfolk 7, looking certain to take back the lead. But incredibly, receiver Malone dropped his second scoring catch of the game, and Minnesota was again forced to settle for a short field goal, making the score Minnesota 6, Norfolk 7. A 6-yard run by Jeremy Crouse to open to drive was followed by a baffling sequence of three consecutive penalties. Minnesota defenders were flagged for a late hit and a facemask on consecutive plays, moving Norfolk from their own 17 to Minnesota’s 37 before left tackle Clifford Wilson’s unsportsmanlike conduct penalty moved the Seawolves back to the Ducks’ 43 for 2nd and 16. An 11-yard pass to Johnny Patey followed by an overthrown incompletion on 3rd down brought out kicker Ty Knotts for a 49-yard field goal attempt, which he sent straight down the middle: Norfolk 10, Minnesota 6. The lead was holding. “Any given sim day.”

However, the ensuing Grey Ducks drive and the rest of the first half played out much more in line with pre-game expectations. Amy Wong nearly broke free on the kickoff return, and with two crisp passes Minnesota was into Seawolves territory. On 2nd and 1 from the Norfolk 47, John Huntsman did his thing, weaving around defenders and bulldozing through attempted tackles for a 47-yard score. The kick was good and Minnesota let 13-10. The Seawolves were spotted 15 yards on the ensuing drive after the normally disciplined Grey Ducks defense was flagged for another personal foul, but an off-target throw by Savage and a drop by French Fries left them facing 3rd and 10. Then, disaster: cornerback Owen Reed masterfully read the quarterback’s eyes and ripped the ball away as Fries made a catch and turned upfield. Minnesota seized on the turnover with a 5-play, 49-yard drive capped by a 22-yard Mason Malone touchdown catch. The Minnesota team everyone had been expecting to see had finally made an appearance. They led 20-10.

The rest of the second quarter was mostly uneventful. Following a Seawolves 3-and-out, the battling Norfolk defense forced Minnesota into a 57-yard field goal attempt, which clanged off the crossbar and back into the field: no good! The team’s traded 3-and-outs before heading to the locker room with the score Minnesota 20, Norfolk 10. It had been a sloppy first half from the Grey Ducks, but they certainly seemed to be ironing out the issues. Television commentators praised Norfolk’s tenacity, but predicted that Minnesota would iron out the uncharacteristic sloppiness on defense and pull away in the second half.

Norfolk received the ball to open the third quarter, and got a yardage assist from yet another Minnesota personal foul, illegal hands to the face committed by DT Joseph Charles Raymond. Norfolk managed another first down, but consecutive pass breakups by the Grey Ducks secondary forced a field goal attempt, and the score became 20-13 Minnesota. The Grey Ducks answered in rapid, businesslike fashion. Vincent Sharpei Jr. nearly broke free on the kickoff return, and Oles torched the Seawolves secondary with passes of 20 and 49 yards, before Huntsman punched in from a yard out: 27-13 Minnesota. Little did anyone know, at the time, things were about to get… strange.

Norfolk started on their own 18, but simply walked to the 28, courtesy of consecutive Minnesota penalties, again: this time offsides followed by too many men on the field, as the Grey Ducks apparently suffered a mishap in their defensive signal-calling and then botched a substitution. On the very next play, Malcolm Savage connected with French Fries, who blew past Minnesota’s secondary on a stunning 67-yard catch-and-run down to the Minnesota 4, where the cornerback Reed made a touchdown-saving tackle. After two attempts by Holford were stuffed, Jeremy Crouse successfully punched in from a yard out and it was 27-20. After another good kickoff return, Kazimir Oles attempted three consecutive passes to Rodka Raskolnikov, all of which were covered masterfully by Norfolk’s star cornerback Hououin Kyouma, forcing a surprising 3-and-out for the Grey Ducks. Levy Tate however unleashed an absolutely perfect punt, pinning the Seawolves hard against their own endzone.

Viewers probably expected a quick Minnesota stop, and indeed, Savage was lucky not to have his risky pass on the first play from the 1 intercepted. Consecutive 5-yard runs by Crouse and Savage himself got just enough for a Norfolk first down, and a short slant to Fries gave the Seawolves some breathing room, but then a false start by Fries pushed them back to their own 13. Surely the Grey Ducks’ defense would clamp down now? But no. Norfolk methodically pushed 14 more yards forward to their own 27, and then unleashed Jeremy Crouse on a play-action pass out of the backfield for 44 yards. They caught the defense off-guard by going no-huddle, and Crouse slipped through a small gap for 22 more yards down to the Minnesota 6! The Norfolk home crowd was as loud as they had been all game long. They were starting to believe. “Any given sim day.” The flustered Grey Ducks defense was flagged for roughing the passer, yet another personal foul, and Norfolk wasted no time taking advantage of the automatic 1st down, and Matthew Holford punched in from the 1. The kick was good, and the game was tied at 27!

The second half was not at all going as expected. This next Grey Ducks drive would be critical. Starting at their own 18, Minnesota marched methodically down the field, as the Seawolves defensive line simply couldn’t contain the superstar running back Huntsman. The Grey Ducks mixed in successful play-action passes for chunk yardage as well. Norfolk’s defense put up a brave fight, but they were plainly outmatched. And then it happened. The flukiest moment in what had already been a very fluky sim, the play that would enter Norfolk lore as “the McSix.” Kazimir Oles Jr. tried to find John Huntsman out of the backfield. Norfolk’s rookie captain, Sconnie McHits, came screaming across the formation, snatched the pass almost out of Huntsman’s grasp, and ran like hell: 89 yards to the house. It was the longest interception return for a touchdown in DSFL history, and Norfolk led 34-27 with less than 10 minutes to play.

The game was by no means over. Norfolk’s lead was only one score, and they had proven unable to slow down Minnesota to that point before. But the fans believed. The players believed. And frankly, it seemed like even the Grey Ducks believed. The Seawolves never trailed again. On the ensuing drive they locked down, forcing the 3-and-out. An angry Minnesota defense then forced a Seawolves punt with a 3rd-down sack by Morpheus Czargyros. On Minnesota’s ensuing drive, the suddenly stout Norfolk D-line stuffed Huntsman for no gain, before a critical penalty on the left tackle Madison Beer turned 2nd and 10 into 3rd and 12. Then the receiver Raskolnikov dropped the 3rd down pass. Oles targeted him again on 4th down, but a heads-up play by Kyouma stopped him after a 9-yard gain. Thanks to the penalty, it wasn’t enough, and Norfolk took over on downs at Minnesota’s own 17-yard line with 3 minutes to play. Crouse and Holford traded runs until Crouse finally punched it in to give Norfolk a 41-27 lead just before the two-minute warning.

The Grey Ducks were plainly demoralized. They received the kickoff and proceeded to go backwards. Illegal motion penalty. Incompletion. Drop. False start on, of all players, John Huntsman. And then a desperate Oles throw straight into the teeth of the Seawolves defense was deflected and picked off by linebacker Sigo Hendricks, who game up just a yard short of the second Seawolves defensive touchdown of the game. The offensive line opened up a hole and Jeremy Crouse ran it in again from three yards out. Seawolves 48, Grey Ducks 27, with just 90 seconds left to play. For those 90 seconds, Norfolk’s defense did just enough. They gave up another big play, a 62-yard pass that gave Minnesota first and goal from the 7, but there they dug in. Pass broken up. Pass broken up. Stopped short. Oles found Vincent Sharpei Jr. from 3 yards out on 4th down, but at that point there were 7 seconds remaining. Minnesota attempted the onside kick anyway, but down two touchdowns with less than 10 seconds to play, it was hopeless. Hououin Kyouma fell on the onside kick as time expired, and the fans nearly blew the roof off the Norfolkdome.

Minnesota never lost again, and practically strolled to their second consecutive Ultimini. That included taking their revenge on Norfolk in Week 14, a 48-24 beatdown that really wasn’t even that close, but the perfect season was not to be. For their part, Norfolk managed to win two more games late in the year, but ultimately finished firmly last in the conference and secured the 2nd overall pick in the upcoming draft. But for one special night, Norfolk, Minnesota, and the entire DSFL saw an example of just what can happen on any given sim day.

[Matty7478]

Task 1:

The Season 31 Ultimus and Ultimini races have just concluded, and this seems like just as good a time as any to look back at the playoffs and dissect just how the winners - the Hahalua and the Birddogs respectively - managed to overcome the other teams around them and win the biggest games of their seasons.

The best place to begin is probably with the DSFL, where the level of competition in the playoffs was as even as it has been in a long time. In the South division, the Birddogs and Seawolves made it into the playoffs in a tie at 9-5 - broken only by the Birddogs one game advantage in divisional games to give them home advantage in their match. In the North division meanwhile, the two playoff teams were the 8-6 Grey Ducks, and the 7-6-1 Coyotes, who leveraged their come-from-behind tie against the Pythons to grab the final spot in the playoffs by the skin of their teeth. As you can tell from the records, no team was far-and-away the favourite to take home the Ultimini, and the closeness shown in those records followed through to the Conference Championship games.

First up, the matchup between the Grey Ducks and the Coyotes; long-time adversaries, but at the same time two teams with historical alliances that only made this match even more interesting. With famous alumni and raucous fans in the stands, both teams battled hard, but the Grey Ducks held a 27-23 lead with 1:51 to go. However the Coyotes - led by sophomore QB Carter Knight - would March down the field and score a TD with 44 seconds to go. The slightly favoured Grey Ducks were left distraught as the clock reached 0:00 and their season was over at the hands of the Coyotes in the divisional. If that matchup sounded dramatic, it only gets even more dramatic in the South version of this game, where the Birddogs hosted the Seawolves. The Birddogs led comfortably 34-20 with 5:36 left in the game before the Seawolves answered back with a quick TD to make it a one-score game. All the Birddogs had to do was bleed the clock out… but instead they threw a pick two plays later. With short field in their favour, Malcolm Savage and the Seawolves scored yet again to tie the game up in the dying minutes. Dallas rushed the ball to play for overtime… only to fumble the ball at their own 17 to give the Seawolves the chance to win outright. Norfolk made it to the Dallas 3-yard line, drew up a pass play… and that pass would be intercepted by Lance Witt to force the game into overtime. Dallas would eventually win 37-34, in what may just be one of the greatest matches in recent memory.

This brought us to the Ultimini matchup; the favoured Birddogs hosting the still-strong Coyotes. There is no need to beat around the bush here; the Coyotes had their chance to finally take the crown that has long-eluded their franchise, but they blew it in heartbreaking fashion. After a scoreless third quarter, the Coyotes were leading 20-9; two Knight interceptions and three Birddog TDs later, the game was officially over, with the Birddogs hoisting the Ultimini after a 31-20 win over the Coyotes. While it would be safe to say anyone feasibly could’ve won the Ultimini this year, the Birddogs - with the tied-best record in the entire league and their beating of the other best team in the Conference Championship - likely deserved the title this year - although, as a Coyote alumni, it doesn’t make it hurt any less.

Next up was the ISFL playoffs, and there were tense affairs all the way through these playoffs. In the ASFC, the Copperheads entered the playoffs as the unquestioned best team in the conference, rocking a 12-4 record that bested even the best NSFC teams. Lagging behind three games back were the other 2 ASFC playoff contenders; the Outlaws and the Hahalua. These 2 teams were tied every way imaginable by records - even down to the home/away splits - so the Outlaws hosted the wildcard game solely due to sweeping the Hahalua during the regular season. The NSFC side was even closer meanwhile; the Yeti earned a bye with an 11-5 record, but the two wildcard teams (the Sailfish and the Butchers) once again were split only by thin margins - this time, the Sailfish had a better point differential in their regular season matchups against the Butchers, and as such hosted their wildcard game.

The wildcard games produced away wins which tend to mean shocks, but with how close both wildcard races were it didn’t come as much surprise that the Hahalua and the Butchers made it through to their respective Conference Championships. It was at this stage against superior opposition that their true abilities would be tested. In the NSFC CC, things went by the book; the strong Yeti defense did enough to hold the Butchers offense at arms-length, and solid scoring from their own offense brought them into the Ultimus with a 23-10 victory. The ASFC CC meanwhile was… less by the book. The Copperheads entered the game as massive favourites given their regular season heroics, and they struggled early against an upstart Hahalua team. The Hahalua led 20-10 at the half which was shocking enough to fans throughout the league, but fans likely were even more shocked that the Hahalua managed to stem any comeback attempts the Copperheads threatened, and ran away 30-27 victors over the team many saw as the strongest coming into the playoffs. This meant the Ultimus - after what was likely the biggest shock of this season’s playoffs in the ASFC - would be the Yeti hosting the Hahalua.

It was a warm day in Yeti Stadium, Colorado, as the Yeti played host to the underdog Hahalua who were looking for an upset. The game started somewhat slowly, with the half drawing to a close with a score line of 9-3 in favour of the Hahalua. While there was a very early safety to speak of, both teams struggled a lot to get their offenses going, with defenses reigning undoubtably supreme. This of course would change eventually, and by the end of the third quarter the score was much closer, now 20-17 in favour of the Hahalua. Both teams would trade field goals leaving the Hahalua up by a FG with only 6:16 left in the game. Hahalua fans could feel the nervousness in the air, and maybe began to get excited; however, that all quickly fell away when Joel Drake picked off an errant pass by Joliet Christ Jr. and took it to the house for a pick 6. Now, with 5:08 left and down by 4 points, the Hahalua would need to do the improbable on enemy turf by scoring a TD to once again take the lead. The 10-play, 59-yard drive that followed was the stuff of fiction and - with a 1-yard pass to Lalo Salamanca - the Hahalua once again took a 3-point lead. And this time, they would hold on for the last 1:44, and ran out of Yeti Stadium as Ultimus champions for the first time in their short history. To say this was the biggest playoff surprise in recent league history would be probably incorrect - that honour would likely be given to my old team, the S25 SaberCats, who nobody predicted would even have a chance. But to say even a few outside of Honolulu believed the Hahalua could go all the way would be a very big stretch. This playoff run is certainly one for the history books, and one the Hahalua can look back on as a high point during the first chapter of their league history.

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1305 words

[Urq660]

17.
So a new stadium in San Jose, eh? Now ideally, it would be great to have a cage with a live sabercat in it! But, they have been extinct for quite a while. So we need to find a way around it! Could we maybe get a Jaguar or something and surgically enhance its teeth to give it enormous gnashers? Seems a bit unethical, medically speaking. Hmmmm we could get a big model of a sabercat at least? Not that interesting. We could get a skeleton of a real sabercat and have it at the entrance to the stadium! Yes, perfect!
Right, what else? Catering! We could stick with the US staples of beer, peanuts, hotdogs and nachos, orrrrr we could try something different. Now, it might just be cos I’m something of a food connoisseur (ok, just a fatty, I admit it), but there’s somewhere in particular I’d like to see do the catering. Iguanas, a Mexican restaurant made famous by TVs Man v Food. And all they can sell is their 5 lb burritozilla! People can’t leave the game early when we’re getting stuffed by Berlin, as they will be too full of rice, beans, ground beef etc!
That is what San Jose need in their new stadium!!

18.
I’m gonna need to have 2 guys in this one! I haven’t even been called up to the team yet, but there are 2 guys in particular who make it an absolute joy to drop into the LR. The guys I’m talking about, it will come as no surprise to know, are Linebacker Lawrence Bass and Defensive End Raylan Crowder. Just 2 stand-up guys, the absolute definition of Locker Room Leaders. Always there, ready to talk rubbish about football, proper football (fine, soccer), or anything else the random wheel of topics in everyone’s head falls on. They are also both outstanding when it comes to guidance for less experienced players. Crowders user, AskedMadden, was the one that recruited me for ISFL. We shared a locker room in the SHL and he has been an absolute pleasure to get to know, both over there and right here. Classically self deprecating, as only the Scots can do. And before you challenge me on this, I’m Scottish myself so I know. Just an absolute gent and a scholar. And Bass’ user, RussDrivesTheBus, was the guy that scouted me for SJS in my rookie season. Again, just an all round awesome guy. Didn’t just go down the route of ‘why would you want to play here, how active will you be etc’, but really took an interest in getting to know me. I had an IA spell from both here and SHL while I dealt with some personal stuff, but he still persuaded the management to pick me and I am eternally grateful. I honestly could not find 2 better guys to share a locker room with!

25.
When I committed to creating in ISFL (or when Madden strong armed me into it…. Only joking, I promise, please don’t hit me with the hose again), I genuinely had several positions in mind and was really stuck between them. Through a combination of my own research, talking with guys in SHL that were also in ISFL and garnering their thoughts, and sheer blind optimism for positions I enjoyed playing in Madden, I got to CB. It actually wasn’t my automatic choice. When I first decided to create, I was leaning well towards being a kicker. Now, I’m not sure why, because I do have real world experience playing American football, in Scotland so don’t get too excited, but I was a bang average, maybe slightly below, CB and WR. Mostly cos I don’t have the size for LB, either line or TE and I can’t throw for toffee. I was also pretty shitty at kicking, although my punting wasn’t the worst on the team. But I played kicker a lot when I played Madden 07 or 08, I forget which. So I assume that was the reason for my affection for the Kicker position. The main issue I found was that each team has 1 player who both kicks and punts, so there are not that many slots and they all seemed pretty much tied up. That is essentially why I binned that idea off and went with CB. Since I joined, I have seen a few kickers come in, so I don’t regret my decision, but part of me wishes I’d stuck with my gut on it. But then I may not have ended up in SJS, which would be a tragedy.


31.
SHL Affiliate

[krazko]

Code:

Tier 1: Long Form Tasks (Must be 800+ words)
Choose ONE for 10 TPE.

1. This week will see the S31 Ultimus and Ultimini races begin in earnest. How did each team arrive at the playoffs? Were there any dark horse teams that went unexpectedly far, or any presumptive favorites that fell flat? Who do you think will win the final? If you’re writing this after the finals were decided, were you surprised by the outcome?

I would personally say the crowned champions, Honolulu Hahalua was the dark horse that went all the way. They had a strong start of the regular season with 2 wins against the New Orleans Secondline and the Orange County Otters. The good start was followed by a tough stretch of 4 losses where the score ran away from the Hahalua. An important game was winning against the New York Silverbacks by 1 point at the Silverback stadium, a game, together with their last game of the regular season against the same Silverbacks that showed to be deciding for the Hahalua to make the playoffs ahead of the very same Silverbacks. Prior to the end, they had a mixed season with 1 dominating win against the Baltimore Hawks where they annihilated the Hawks with 45-0. Really starting to get into form in game 11 where they started a 4 game winning streak, a streak where they scored over 30 points per game and had 2 dominating victorie. Against the Secondline again and the San Jose Sabercats. The Hahalua finished the regular season winning 5 out of the last 6 games, with their only loss being to the ASFC runner up, Arizona Outlaws. The playoff run was a tough one where they were ever the underdogs and beat both the ASFC favorites. First the Honolulu Hahalua Arizona beat the Outlaws in a good showing from the Hahalua where the Outlaws were never really close to winning the game. After the Hahalua took command early in the game the Outlaws never got close. Against the Austin Copperheads the Hahalua again took an early lead and kept it throughout the game. While the Copperheads came within a TouchDown of the Hahalua, our champions managed to keep the snakes at bay and pulled up another upset.

The Colorado Yeti had a different way to the title game, being one of the favorites for the season, everyone had high expectations for the team. While the Sarasota Sailfish also looked strong after our win last season, the NSFC is a tough division with many strong teams. The Yeti started of their regular season with a win against the Berlin Fire Salamanders in a tough game where the Yeti scored the final points with 5 minutes to spare and kept it tight behind to secure the victory. Unfortunately for the Yeti, they had a down the next game against the Chicago and had an embarrassing loss with 38-6. Following the loss, the Yeti bounce back and went on a dominating winning streak of 6 games! Only really being close to losing to the Yellowknife Wraiths. The game was close and the Wraiths took the lead in the 3rd quarter and it looked like they would go on to a victory, but the Yeti had other ideas and managed a Touchdown with 1:23 remaining.
After their 6 game winning streak, the team had lost its magic and went on to lose 3 games in a row, two of the games in a quite embarrassing fashion. Especially against the Philadelphia Liberty where our Yetis lost by almost 30 points! The Yeti found their form again and went on to win the next 3 games, 2 of them relatively close. First against the Baltimore Hawks, a Hawks team that long had the lead and looked in control, the Yeti came back with a Touchdown with 0:54 remaining to secure that win. Second game, against the Sailfish, where the Yeti scored the only points in the 4th quarter against the Sarasota Sailfish and secured that victory. The game against the Sailfish the Yeti had been in control and lost the lead, but as we know managed to rally together and secure the win.
Final 2 regular season games of the season the Yeti went 1-1, winning the last game of the season in a dominating fashion against San Jose SaberCats.
The Yeti playoff run started with the by as they won the NSFC and faced the Butchers in the NSFC title game. A game in which the Yeti were solidly in control and never really gave the Butchers a chance to the title.

In the final game both Honolulu Hahalua and the Colorado Yeti had a good showing. The Hahalua took the lead as they’ve done their entire playoff run. But this time the game was a lot more back and forth than what the Honolulu Hahalua were used to. The Yeti, who we know had come back from deficits during the season looked strong and both teams took the lead and kept on trading blows. With 5:30 remaining the Yeti took the lead and it looked bleak for the Hahalua, but they managed to score a TouchDown with only 1:44 left on the clock. Thereafter they held the Yeti at bay to secure the win and the title!

809 words

[jzajenius36]

10.

Every year I like to use this time allotted in the Ultimus point task to look back at my own players’ season.  I’ve discovered that I’ve often been overly harsh, perhaps expecting too much from a player limited by position (and body type?)  Despite my best efforts to be disappointed, Season 31 was a bonafide success for Honky Tonk Haywood.  Although I could certainly nit-pick (only 3 tackles for a loss? I mean c’mon!!), The big boi out of Nashville again lead the league in total tackles for a DT at 77, and topped out the group with the most sacks at 10.  The only defensive tackle to reach double digits in sacks.  This combined with the 3 tackles for loss and 2 forced fumbles again showed the league that Haywood is a force in the middle.  Although some of the combined stats for DT Chuck Roth will give voters a lot to think about during awards season, a defensive tackle of the year nomination is all but certain for Haywood.  The accolades continue to come in, as Haywood has now won breakout defensive player of the year and defensive tackle of the year, in back to back years, as well as pro bowl nominations.  A third year of similar results would be quite something, and would perhaps start conversations of where he ranks in the annals of history.  While time does fly in the ISFL, we’ve certainly come a long way from HTH’s much maligned days of 26 total tackles and 3 combined sacks/tackles for a loss in an entire season.  Despite heading into regression, there’s not much for me to regret any longer, with Haywood averaging 69 tackles and 9 sacks over the past 3 years.  Even if regression knocks him down several notches, there’s no doubt he’ll still be an impact player.  My only hope is that Haywood’s impact doesn’t go in vain – as the Liberty are beginning to finally find its stride, I’d like Honky Tonk to still be a part of the future success that should come much sooner rather than later.  After an impressive, yet somewhat disappointing (second half collapse) 8-8 season.  Expectations are still high for both the Liberty and ol man Honky Tonk Haywood heading into season 32.  I trust this is the year that we finally get over the hump and make a visit to the playoffs, thanks to the great teambuilding and strategizing of Cody and Pat.

(407)

12.

So I believe it’s only fair for me to highlight the play of our Liberty offensive captain in a Season 31 retrospective.  The heralded QB has finally begun to live up to expectations in the city synonymous with Freedom, after several years falling short of perhaps too high of expectations.  Season 28 saw the Liberty turn their Quarterback position over to Negs.  The rookie finished the year with 13 TDs and 14 picks, and the only QB to throw for less than 4,000 yards.  Dead last in QBR in the ISFL.  The team was also in a transitory phase in many ways, as the roster was dominated with season 25 players looking to grow into their roles.  The results were unsurprising, and the Liberty were happy to have Negs just come out in one piece after miraculously winning 6 games.  Negs definitely found his legs in Season 29.  Despite winning only 5 games that season, Negs had a 20:13 TD:INT ratio, putting him in the mid-tier for QB stats.  Not bad at all for a sophomore QB still with an uninspiring supporting cast.  Again, Negs took a pounding, as the Liberty offense allowed 28 sacks, second most in the league.  This early improvement, mixed with a Liberty team finally finding its stride, lead to some higher expectations come Season 30.  But it was not to be.  The team again failed to clear the win total set the previous year, as they only managed 4 this go around.  Much of that blame fell squarely on the Liberty QB, who took a large stride backwards in his junior year.  Negs had the third worst QBR in the league, was one of only 2 QBs who failed to total 4,000+ passing yards, yet still tied for 6th in the league with 14 interceptions.  It was a somber year for the city.  Expectations were luke-warm coming into season 30, as Liberty fans continued to fail to see results in the extended rebuild; however, season 31 was a rousing success, for both team and QB.  Despite failing to make the playoffs, the Liberty were a .500 team for the first time in a long time.  This time credit is due largely to the QB, as Negs tossed an impressive 38 TDs, good for second in the league.  His career high QBR of 96 was also impressive.  Negs has finally reached the expectation level that fans, fairly or not, had for him coming into his career.  Now heading into his 5th season, he’s a seasoned vet he should be a prime breakout player candidate, especially with the weapons the Liberty have finally developed around him.


(439)

[Menace0528]

2. Tell us about your draft class. Is there anything that makes it special in comparison to other classes? Where did your fellow draftees land, how are they doing? Did anyone turn out to be an unexpected steal of that draft based on what you know today? Do you think anyone in your draft class will become a hall of famer? If you’re new to the league, how do you think your class will do? Where do you think people will get drafted to?

So, I’m gonna change up what i write about for this ultimus week. Typically, I’d take a look at the teams that have played, the performances of players and how they compare to the performances of the team. But now, two seasons away from regression, I wanna take a quick peek at my draft class, both to see where those who were drafted with me ended up, as well as because it interests me to look back at that. I created in the S27 class. If I’m gonna bring up my draft class, the elephant in the room must be brought up: Zamir. Or I guess, Exclesior at that point. Zamir, unbeknownst to everyone, had made a multi by the name of Excelsior. What’s weird is I closely interacted with him. Him and I, as well as a couple other people, did a mock draft for our own draft (I think i was projected to go in the fourth or fifth round haha, didnt end up being the case. Later on, finding out that Zamir, someone who i had only heard about for having a cornerback player that he got way too far into, so realizing that Zamir was also this player that i was fairly close to was such a weird experience. Before getting into other specific people in my class, I did want to address the lack of retention in my class. It seems that a lot of people who created during S27 didn’t end up staying. It is really weird to see players that I talked to and grew close to, players that I interacted with consistently that were on my team, go IA. Anyways, onto the players in S27 draft. The top player, a consistent recreate with the most TPE and money (not in all, but in the class I believe) is Numbers. Numbers has been in the league a while I believe, with most people knowing who he is. Numbers has been a consistent stud in the league, with over 1200 yards in each of his three season in the ISFL. He started off with TD issues originally, only getting 3, but the other two seasons he had over 10 TDs. I’m slightly unfamiliar with what it takes to be in the hall of fame, and Eleven Kendricks having only 3 seasons so far is very not ideal, as he only has one or two more seasons until he hits regression. As well. his TPE gaining has been slowing over time, though not too much. For the second-highest earner in the league so far, we have Wildfire Micro, known in the league as Tsuyu Asui. I’ve been close to WF for a while now, sharing a team with them for multiple seasons and both being very active in London. WF has been a solid earner. Asui has one season up on Numbers, but unfortunately has not done as much with it, having yet to break 1000 yards or 10 touchdowns (though they got close, scoring 9 touchdowns!) Unfortunately, i’m unsure about the chances Wildfire Micro has of getting into the hall of fame, due to the lack of touchdowns or yards, but they have been a very consistent player. Another issue is that they didn’t fully start for the first two seasons, only starting in ten games the first season and fifteen games their second season (it’s likely if they started that sixteenth game that they would have hit 1000 yards, as they had nine hundred and fifty six yards that season and had 59.8 yards per game). These things make it hard to imagine that they get into the hall, but there’s always a possibility! Their career isn’t over yet. so who knows what may happen in the future. Next, we probably have the best player in the draft, as well as the handsomest, Marlon Brando, also known as Blorgl or Menace0528. Blorgl has risen up in the ranks over the seasons, going from the tenth-most TPE to the third-most (for this class at least). My stats, at least at the moment, are not ideal. mainly due to not starting every game for the first and second season in the ISFL. My stats during the two starting season also weren’t ideal to be honest. Funnily enough, my best season was my rookie season, with 9 sacks and 2 safeties. Hypothetically though, i could go into the hall as the premier defensive end kick returner, having returned one whole kick for 0 yards (probably an onside kick, but whatever). It does hurt to say, but I can’t imagine much of a situation where I end up in the hall, outside of multiple different record breaking seasons. I’ve been solid the past two seasons, but not nearly enough to reach hall of famer status. So that’s it, that’s my analysis of the top players in the S27 class, as well as Zamir and notes on retention.

[Fronk]

13.
Expansion in the league is one of those things that gets brought up all the time. Sometimes seriously by people not understanding the effort and work it takes to farm a league of fourteen teams, let alone more teams. But most of the time, it is brought up in joke and not to be taken seriously at all. It’s been about ten seasons now since the last expansion. Can anyone confirm that for me? I’m fairly new. But I would like to discuss why it should happen, why it should not happen, and finally what are some ideas for expansion teams.

First off, let’s talk about why the International Simulation Football League deserves to have another expansion. My first argument is about league structure. Right now, the league tends to suffer from a division imbalance. There are two divisions each with seven teams. The NSFC and the ASFC. There have been several times in recent seasons where one division is top heavy and five of the best six teams in the league are battling it out for three available playoff spots. If the teams were split between the two divisions or if playoffs worked like in the National Basketball Association, all five of those teams would be eligible to compete for an Ultimus title.

Now what if I told you that a division and playoff restructure can occur with just an addition of two more teams added to the league? Adding an additional team to both the NSFC and the ASFC will bring their team totals to eight. You can then split the division into equal parts. ASFC North and South and NFSC North and South. Then division winners and wild cards can be chosen from this format. It may add an additional game to the playoff hunt, but the wildcard game could happen in tangent with week 14 of the DSFL season. It would also give emphasis to NSFC or ASFC Championships. We could even do additional trophies.

The main reasons against additional teams as an expansion into the league is the number of players. As typical with anything ever, once capacity is reached, you just find a larger vessel if you want to grow. I am hoping that the league has not plateaued. We need to figure out better ways for recruitment or we will never have additional teams. Teams like the Detroit Mustangs or the Maryland Pinchy Crabs.

14.
John Huntsman’s most recent season has come to a close. This was his first call up season as a member of the Sarasota Sailfish and he made his International Simulation Football League debut. In the last couple of seasons John Huntsman was a Sarasota Sailfish send down and remained a member of the Minnesota Grey Ducks roster. Or as they are better known as: The Quack2Quack Ultimini Champions The Minnesota Grey Ducks. Huntsman was their go-to guy alongside Kazmir Oles Jr. During the quack2quack championship seasons, Oles and Huntsman won consecutive MVP awards. It was a good time for Huntsman without position competition and without the scary thing called free agency.
Huntsman then goes onto Season 31 where even before the season begins, the front office has a much different look than the day he was drafted. Not one, but both general managers have stepped down from their position and their successors have stepped in.

Huntsman was also told this season that the backfield for the Sarasota Sailfish has expanded with the addition of a position switch from one of their former wide receivers. This was not too shocking of news as Huntsman was about a season away from becoming a primary back and contributing greatly. But things got heated at times as not everyone in the backfield appreciated splitting carries. Huntsman did not want to give up the rushing attempts that were given to him, but he also did not feel like he should take away from an older player. This is not exactly the position he signed up for. Hopefully it gets turned around in future seasons, but that resume stays updated.

Highlights include double digit touchdowns for the rookie John Huntsman. Nine touchdowns on the ground and at least one touchdown through the air. Huntsman continued to be a max earner all season long and it paid off as he was nominated for Offensive Rookie of the Year in the Season 31 ISFL awards.

The other low spot came to fruition when the first night of the playoffs concluded and Huntsman learned that for one: his rookie contract was concluded and two: the free agency tampering period began without warning. He had not heard anything about contract extensions and was sent to the wolves of free agency. Huntsman has many friends, teammates, and former GMs that are now GMs or players for different teams. Ultimately, every team could not offer a better situation as RB1.