*The Colonel's $5 Mock-Up

.Laser · (This post was last modified: 10-07-2019, 08:44 AM by goodvsevil1275.)

Code:
1.5x media please

Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, welcome to Colonel Korrin's S18 National Simulation Football League mock draft extraordinaire! This mock draft will be unlike any other you have ever had the fortune of laying your eyes upon. Just like the $5 filll-ups I am famous for, this will become my own spin on the mainstay, my own way of doing things. In this article, I will be writing very differently than you are used to. I am including trades! Probably none of them will be right, but they're fun to speculate about so I'm gonna do it anyway.

I would like to shout out the man himself, Isastarcrossed, for his incredibly in-depth dive into each team's positional needs that I used while writing this article. An incredible job as always by you, sir.

Without further ado, away we go!

1.1 - New Orleans Second Line select...
Bjorn Ironside (Isastarcrossed), DT, Norfolk Seawolves.
This is the only lock in this draft. You would have to be a madman to put anyone other than Bjorn in this spot. The mountainous man has written so many high-quality articles at this point that I wouldn't even want to try to count them. He broke the groundbreaking news of Zach Hall's position switch, he gave us the 45+ thousand word article on the draft, he broke the news of TomHanks bequeathing Tijuana to DylanDeluxe when he moved up to GM the Second Line, and many more announcements. Clearly, this means that he has the most money of anyone in S18 by far and could likely fund 4 entire careers at this point. He is easily the best media writer of NSFL history and one would not be wrong to put a bet on him reaching the Hall of Fame with each of his characters. As for his TPE, he is at the top of the class, clearly. Ironside does not lead the TPE battle but is very near to the top and self-admittedly could easily be leading had his predictions been better. He was not very happy with his on-field performances as Seawolf, but has continually made waves throughout his short career so far. Bjorn is the first overall pick. If not, I will position switch to kicker.

1.2 - Philadelphia Liberty select...
Zach Hall (Hallmonitor20), DE, Palm Beach Solar Bears.
I'm nearly certain that Philadelphia goes with the biggest position of need in the NSFL with defensive line here. Hall turned the entire draft on it's head when he switched from tight end to defensive end, and although he has made it very clear that he wants to go to the Colorado Yeti, I simply do not see a scenario where Philadelphia is willing to make a trade with the Yeti and give up a strong player. Hall's locker room presence is well-known throughout the league, as both the meme master of the S18 class and an all-around great guy. He stepped up and took over the GM job of Palm Beach along with Frostbite midway through the season and helped the Solar Bears as much as they could be helped, so his GM experience comes in as a plus for him as well. He has also joined popular downtime game Werewolf along with Isa and a few others in S18, including myself, Bex, and Ddrector. Overall, Philly cannot go wrong picking Hall here.

The singular situation in which I can see Philly passing on him is if he absoutely refuses to play for them. In that case, the Liberty will take Maurice Virtianen, the highest-TPE player not only at the linebacker position but also in the entire draft. He would have gone here had Hall not position switched and nothing changes from there. Philly can't go wrong picking either of these players here.

1.3 - Orange County Otters select...
Thudd Kassell (DylanDeluxe), LB, Tijuana Luchadores.
Orange County will take one of the two top linebackers here. In the scenario where Hall is not drafted by Philadelphia, Orange County would not take him either and allow him to go to the team he wants to go to with the next pick. Simple as that. Virtianen would be the best player on the board above Kassell based solely on the difference in TPE, and again is the type of player that no team wants to miss out on. However, I do think that if they have to choose between the two, they will take Thudd, who is a very solid player in his own right. Known for being the original riot enciter in S18 and for his dedication to the game, Kassell recently took over the GM job for the Tijuana Luchadores, and Speculadora has been looking for a player to groom into taking over his role. DD getting into GMing of his own accord makes it more likely to me that Orange County decides to select the superstar linebacker with the 3rd pick, but it is a very close race.

1.4 - Colorado Yeti select...
Maurice Virtianen (baconbrother/murtsi), LB, Kansas City Coyotes.
Honest to God, this could go so many ways. I don't think that the Yeti need a linebacker badly enough to not try and shop this pick around some, but I also don't know that at this point there are any teams that would be willing to give up massive value to move up a few spots when San Jose will likely be willing to trade as well. But, whatever the team, I cannot see a situation where Virtianen does not go at 4th overall. He will be over 300 TPE when the first update of S18 hits, making him an automatic starter on many teams. Virtianen is one of our European brothers and is active at the same time I am on discord, which says some things about my sleep schedule. He is another great guy and is another player that every single team in the league should want. He will be an immediate contributor and will be a incredible presence in the locker room.

1.5 - San Jose Sabercats TRADE the 5th pick to the Arizona Outlaws, who select...
Marcella Toriki (Bex), RB, Norfolk Seawolves.
Bex is the first offensive playet to come off the board in the draft, Arizona being too afraid to lose their shot to take her late if New Orleans or Yellowknife decide to scoop her up. So, they move up 3 slots to get the player on top of their board. Bex is an extremely active member in the community and was recently given an HO intern job, so you know she cares abot the league and the community, and that's what she is best known for. She has a big heart and an even bigger presence on the field, carrying her team on her back, quite literally. Ultimately, Norfolk missed the playoffs, but not without Bex fighting every step of the way. Arizona simply does not want to lose her, hence my first trade of the first round.

1.6 - New Orleans Second Line select...
Pete Parker (jsteele14), S, San Antonio Marshals.
To be honest, I don't know much about the guy. I've never seen him send a mesage in discord, which of course is not a valid measure of inactivity, but I have heard that he is semi-active in the San Antonio locker room and is a PBE GM, which certainy helps his case. New Orleans is in need of safety help, so after taking Bjorn at 1, they decide to go with the best secondary player available in Parker at 6. I do think that New Orleans would be willing to trade this pick if the conditions were right, but I also don't know that they would be confident in getting Parker or a player willing to play safety if they do make the trade, so I think that they stay put.

1.7 - Yellowknife Wraiths select...
Net Gaines (Upper Net), LB, Kansas City Coyotes.
Despite the signing of Lightsout Lewis in free agency, Yellowknife feels the need to scoop up the last of the Big 3 linebackers on the board. With Kassell to Orange County and Virtianen to Colorado, the Wraiths cannot afford to let him slip through their fingers. Net is another very active player, as all the top ten are, and has been performing very well. He is constantly talking across 3 discords and is yet another great guy in the league. I could also see Yellowknife taking either Ruff Ruff or Mathias Hanyadi with this election as well, but ultimately I made the decision to go with Net simply because he is the last top LB available.

1.8 - San Jose Sabercats (via Arizona Outlaws) TRADE the 8th pick to the Austin Copperheads, who select...
Korrin Abernathy (VRTX L4S3R), CB, Kansas City Coyotes.
I'm doing this trade just because I want it to happen. I don't like talking about myself, so I'll just say that I have been played at safety all season so the Copperheads know I'm versatile, I'm a very very active discord player and can mesh well with any locker room scenarios, and I'm not a top TPE earner but I take what I can get and run with it. Why do I think this trade gets made? Well, firstly I'm just messing around with it, because I have zero certainty as to this pick so I went with the most fun option. Secondly, I think that Austin will be interested enough to jump over Orange County, who are also looking for secondary help and who could possibly take Abernathy at 9, but could also take Louisiana Purchase. Lastly, I think that San Jose will definitely take a receiver with their first pick, and know that they can get one of the two best in the class at 10 and likely pick up the other at 12 or 15, whichever of those picks is involved in this trade. It makes probably the least sense of all scenarios with this pick, but eh. I like the idea of it.

1.9 - Orange County Otters select...
Lousiana Purchase (modern_duke), CB, San Antonio Marshals.
With Orange County needing secondary help despite the recent position switch of AJ Lattimer, and Parker and Abernathy both already gone, they go with Purchase here as the clear top choice. It's a very fair argument to say that Purchase is the top corner in the draft, and while I clearly disagree because my ego makes me, hs is a solid player who has the most TPE for corners and has beeen becoming more active in discord lately. He's somewhat quiet but is a great contributor to conversation and is yet another guy that all teams would like to acquire. He will be another instant contributor and will be a big help in the locker room. Orange County gets their guy here and never look back.

1.10 - San Jose Sabercats (via Austin Copperheads) select...
Tyrone Biggums (Revolution5), WR, San Antonio Marshals.
Like I said, I'm almost positive that San Jose takes a receiver with their selection, and they are able to do so by trading back twice and getting some premium draft capital in return. A genius play by the San Jose GMs. Biggums is a great on-field player, a max earner, active on discord and a good locker room presence, and he also has a league PT job. I could also easily see San Jose taking Bender B. Rodriguez here, but I know more about Rev5 than Pazuzu, so I chose Biggums to go in this slot so I would have more to write about. Whichever wideout they decide to take I truly think that they can pick up the other in the second round with some of the picks that they acquired in their two trades back. San Jose would be stealing the draft if they go this route.

Well, the Colonel has spoken, and hopefully his crispy picks bring some entertainment to the consumers. All the players in this draft class are awesome, and I would want each and every one of you on my team were I a GM. Best of luck to everyone in this upcoming season, and remember: Go Kansas City!

Murtsi · 10-03-2019, 06:02 AM

Great read! I like the inclusion of these trades which seem really plausible. Also I wonder who this Virtiainen character is, sounds interesting :eyes: