*The Threat of BeerAids

[Isidore94]

Tldr: Scroll below for my proposals. Essentially BeerAids IS bad and I haven’t seen enough action from HO about it.

It’s been all over the news, tanking investment portfolios and lowering national interest rates. Coronavirus, AKA BeerAids, dealt a massive blow not only to our physical and financial well being, but also to our emotional well being. With a lethality rate of 3-4% , it got me thinking how BeerAids could affect our league. So I took just the active rosters on each team which broke down like This

NSFC
18
18
19
20
18
Total: 93

ASFC
20
20
20
20
19
Total: 99

League total=192

So taking our 192 total current rostered players in the NSFL only, and accounting for 4% deaths, this leaves us with a whopping 7.68 deaths, rounded up thats 8 dead players. So who's likely to be? I did some further research to find our likely victims.

1. Prince Vegeta S: The #1 draft pick in the recent NSFL draft, comes from one of the most BeerAids infected countries outside of China and Iran. With 33 actives cases and 7 critical ones, Singapore is a hotbed of BeerAids, which puts Prince at great risk. Losing the #1 selection to BeerAids would be a crushing blow to the Otters for sure

2. Beat S: This safety for the Chicago Butchers comes from Japan, which places them square in the sites of China and its deadly BeerAids virus. Japan is typically a very clean country, so Beat might have a fighting chance if he ever visits home.

3. Bender B. Rodriguez WR: Bender is from Tijuana, and he too likely visits home to get away from the cold ass city of YellowKnife. As well all know Tijuana is a tourist hotspot, with plenty of cruise ships docking all year round. Bender is almost definitely getting Coronavirus. It’ll be interesting to see how he does when he gets back to YellowKnife.

4. Lucas Knight CB: Another Mexican. His career should be coming to a close in a few years anyways, maybe BeerAids will force him into early retirement.

5. Edmond Beaver-Dantes OL: Edmond is from Africa, where they already have regular AIDS. It's not a stretch to imagine they’d also get BeerAids right?

6. Kwame Abayomi Mbanefo DE: Another one from Africa. And since I am ignorant, I will say he is at great risk. But let's be honest if this guy got sick who would care. 218 TPE and going into his 11th season? Just retire bro. Go bang that trophy wife

7. Chris Kross WR: This guy was born and raised in Hawaii. He went to UoH and likely has family there. Furthermore, Hawaii is a popular tourist destination, which means lots of traffic from all over the globe. It’s not looking good for the Hawks first round selection

8. Freezer Riposte DT: This guy is from Hawaii so again, big risk. But given he was born in a literal volcano, I think he has the physical fortitude to beat off a virus.

With 2 likely victims at Safety and WR, this opens up some opportunity for next years NSFL rookies to take a spot here.

MY PROPOSAL

What is more interesting is to consider how likely each of these players are to get the rest of their team sick. With an incubation period of a couple of weeks, BeerAids could infect an entire team without anybody knowing. Even if players aren’t one of the 8 deaths that would likely occur, they would still suffer performance setbacks and lower the quality of gameplay in our league. Ticket sales would suffer, merchandise would fall. Therefore I propose a few counter measures.

1. Cease all travel for all players currently under a team contract, to anywhere outside of the United States.

2. Players must report to a team physician within 3 days of returning from a trip within the USA for lab testing

3. If any players develop symptoms (fever, cough, shortness of breath) they MUST be isolated in their own homes.

4. Players isolated will continue to receive game cheques

5. Teams that lose a player to BeerAids will be awarded an extra draft pick in the next NSFL draft.
5A: If a team is found to have intentionally given a player BeerAids in order to clear out cap space, both GM's of said team will be publically executed, French Revolution style.

I propose these clauses be added to the next CBA. We must protect our league and our players. Head office has been lackluster in their response to this threat. Players, we must advocate for ourselves and our safety!

[revuhlution]

Therefore I propose a few counter measures.

1. Cease all travel for all players currently under a team contract, to anywhere outside of the United States.

RIP London Royals.

[Isidore94]

That's what they get for Brexit

[Modern_Duke]

Cowards scared to play London

[s4ndr0p]

One of the best articles I read here so far lol

[Voltaqe]

I agree with these proposals. Btw I’m not feeling well so imma stay home and get paid. K thanks