*Patient Zero

[C9Van]

[About 450 words and ready to be graded)

To quote Loco: "dear commissioner,

as you may have heard COVID-19 is sweeping the nation. to protect the players, the fans, and the elderly i am requesting that you cancel the rest of the nsfl season. only you can do this.

-loco"

I for one 100% agree. No some may be saying this is cause Yeti are sucking balls right now. But I have selective data that I can hide behind like politicians are doing to really bring this forward.

The National Simulation Football League should shut down as immediate as the National Basketball Association (Add NHL, Champions League, any respectable European association football league seemingly is now)

Last night Rudy Gobert got the whole NBA suspended (And some of his team mates like a turnip he is) being the NBA's patient zero.

Well now this league has its very first case!

None other than @TomHanks

Yes, last night it came out that New Orleans Second Line superstar is ill with the China Virus. Do not believe me? Take a look at the paparazzi pictures for proof!





What can we see in these photos? He is running up a sweat already whilst not even run forrest running! The cough and other flu like symptoms. It is clear, even without him coming out and stating it last night.

What does this actually mean for the league?

Well, New Orleans Line that appears Second will all have to be tested and play home games without an audience until further notice.

Bex is a part of head office so she will have to have the rest of Head Office tested as well! Which in turn may be too late so all important teams (Do not worry Kansas City Coyotes, you can be tested to feel important too if you want <3) should be tested before this thing truly begins to spread. Or we risk some of the older soon retiring players' lives!

Mr. T. Hanks should really be quarantined too.

Now that the shitpost/meme is basically done. Here are a few things the National Health Service (Yeah that thing works here, shocking!) are recommending to do:

- Wash your hands with soap and water often – do this for at least 20 seconds

- Always wash your hands when you get home or into work

- Use hand sanitiser gel if soap and water are not available

- Cover your mouth and nose with a tissue or your sleeve (not your hands) when you cough or sneeze

- Put used tissues in the bin straight away and wash your hands afterwards

- Try to avoid close contact with people who are unwell

- Do not touch your eyes, nose or mouth if your hands are not clean

I genuinely hope you all remain safe. Remember life is like a box of chocolates, cunts who sneeze on them are cunts.

[TeyonSchavari]

RIP @TomHanks. You will be missed

[TomHanks]

[Opera_Phantom]

I feel like Tom should stay at home and not play until he's recovered.

[NamelessNate]

First the DSFL now the NSFL? When will the madness end?!