Preface
At the time of me writing this first sentence it is still January 23rd, which means (based on the offseason schedule) it is still the offseason! And that means it is time to Offseason Shitpost™ while I still can, the one skill that reddit has taught me in my past 6 years in using the site. This is the content y'all get for recruiting redditors, so don't go blaming me for this low effort post. This is your fault!
Now while I may be a new user (and am writing this meme of an article because I know very little about this league so far), I do not plan to take this meme post lightly. I plan to give well thought out and researched opinions on each of the teams, as any self respecting shitposter would! And I plan on defending my opinions with my life because that is obviously very healthy. So now, let me get to the real thread:
What sandwich is your DSFL team?
Now before I go on, you may ask - why did you only choose the DSFL? To which, I respond - there are only eight of them and I would like to finish this before I go to bed because if we're being real, me writing this on a Saturday night is kind of sad! So let us begin in reverse alphabetical order by team mascot! This is my list if you want to go in a different order, please make your own, but hurry the offseason clock is ticking!
Norfolk Seawolves
Ah, Norfolk. A beautiful city in my home state of Virginia. Located in the 757 and home to the world's largest naval base, the Seawolves definitely have an inspired name and mascot behind the naval submaries, well representing the area. It is also home to the NATO headquarters, which is something I did not know before this. See even I am learning here.
So looking at what sandwich best represents this team, I saw myself with two choices. The first was a classic Virginia Ham Sandwich. A respectable, well-known meal that pays homage to its origin and is as manly as the Navy itself! But no, instead the Seawolves are in fact:
A Subway Sub!
I mean could it be anymore obvious? It's right there in the name! Not just one but two subs!
London Royals
London is one of those cities that really put the I in ISFL. For whatever reason, Americans have always wanted to expand their sports to England in what I imagine as a form of reverse colonialism! Half joking political commentary aside, London is a great city home of Parliament and many icons and landmarks that I won't even dive into because I will not do it justice. That being said, London is home to one bad thing - British food. While the Royals are in my opinion the coolest in both logo and name, there is only one appropriate sandwich to represent such a city and cuisine:
A Chip Butty...
This disgusting sandwich is the epitome of British food. Carb loaded junk that makes American food look healthy. Seriously, England! You invaded so many countries, at least use the spices you accumulated!
Portland Pythons
I am going to be honest here, prior to this post I did not know much about Portland. I knew it was the most populous city in Oregon, but that is really it. But the pythons mascot? That is top tier. Sneks are the best reptile after all. Plus it is a programming language, perfect for encapsulating the growing occupation in the area!
Now, I do know there is only one choice for this team's sandwich. It is none other than:
Avacado Toast!
The hipster food that is also green! Like our python friends here. Now you might get mad at me for going with the stereotype here, and to be honest, fair. But it is better than trying to force a snake sandwich, in my opinion. And yes, an open face sandwich counts as a sandwich! Dont @ me!
Tijuana Luchadores
Conversely to my point about London being the most international team, Tijuana is probably the least being right next to the US, haha. Whether you think it to be San Diego lite or maybe you think San Diego is Mexico lite, it is honestly great to see Mexico represented in pro football! Talk about a great culture and even more excellent food! The mascot just tops it off with the Luchadores being one of the most iconic parts of the country.
With all the above being said, however, I do not really know of any Mexico or Mexico inspired sandwiches... Except for one! That's right! The sandwich that best represents this team is:
Taco Pizza!
Booooo!!
Quit booing me, I'm right! What do you mean I am "stretching the definition of a sandwich"? And that if I "allow pizza I should have just allowed tacos"? And that I am "practically appropriating 3 cultures in one"? This is a meme post and I thought this was funny and applicable! Plus taco pizzas are all the rage now, haven't you heard?!
And if you have any issues with my definition of a sandwich, talk to the chart!
Minnesota Grey Ducks
Moving into the cold boi territory, we have the weirdos in Minnesota that say "duck duck grey duck" and "pop" instead of "duck duck goose" and "soda" that us normal people say, respectively. Taking my pedantic-ness out of the equation, this gave rise to one of the cooler and most unique mascot/name combos in the DSFL. Not only that, the Grey Ducks are also my gfs favorite mascot in the DSFL, which is a big plus.
Now onto the sandwich of grey ducks. I felt it was too on the nose to just go with a duck/goose sandwich, although it would probably be par for the course based on my list so far. But no! Instead the sandwich that best represents this team is none other than a:
SPAM sandwich!
After all, Minnesota is the origin of this joke of a food. Plus it only adds to how weird these people are. How can you tolerate such cold?!!?
Kanas City Coyotes
Now onto the Coyotes! Wait, is it pronounced "Kai-oats" or "Kai-oat-tees"? I want to say the former, but at the same time I believe it is the later, if we look at our boy Wile E. Coyote. Anyway! Kansas City is a great place with an awesome, huge, dedicated, and loyal fanbase. And even better barbeque! In my opinion the best barbeque in the US! You can @ me on this one!
I won't even meme this sandwich. Y'all already know what it is too. The coyotes are none other than a:
BBQ Smoked Brisket Sandwich!
It is just too good to mess up, and you cannot even have just one! Aw man, if I lived in KC, well I don't think I could not not gain weight.
Bondi Beach Buccaneers
Coming to our second green team on this list (you know it is actually really unpopular for teams to be green in sports, you ever notice?), Bondi Beach is also the second team in which I had to look up its location because I sure never heard of it before. And now after knowing its location, I like the team even more! The alliteration is definitely a plus and Sydney, Australia is an epic and unique area.
Now with a whole new continent to dive into for food, this sandwich choice was probably the hardest! At first I thought I would go with a bread wrapped barbequed snag. But then I thought about going with a traditional burger with 'the lot.' Since both would perfectly represent the entire country/continent. But after a long hard inner discussion, I came to the conclusion that there is only one choice here. You guessed it!
Vegemite on Toast!
Why? Because like the Australians themselves, it looks disgusting but is actually salty, bitter, and malty (or so I have heard)! Uhh, that was supposed to be a compliment... Well please take it as one!
Dallas Birddogs
Finally, we have Dallas. Home of not one but 2 TV shows named after the city! Now make no mistake, these birddogs are not bird and dog amalgamations (although I wish they were!), they are in fact bird hunting dogs, which is less than ideal for your average grey duck. And I am sure the Minnesota and Dallas games play out similar to the NES classic Duck Hunt.
Anyways, back to the food! They say everything is bigger in Texas, and that sure does apply to the food. So at the very least, the birddogs would be a big sandwich! But the question is what's the filling?? Initially, at least when I was just looking at Dallas the city, I was thinking something like a steak or prime rib. But then it hit me! They could be none other than a:
Double Decker Smoked Turkey Club with Pulled Pork!
For 3 reasons, first the turkey because the dogs hunt birds (duh), the pulled pork because Texas thinks they have the best BBQ (they are wrong!), and finally double decker because everything is BIGGER in Texas! It's science.
Closing Remarks
Thank you for coming to my TED talk. Feel free to fight me in the comments!
(Words: 1568)
At the time of me writing this first sentence it is still January 23rd, which means (based on the offseason schedule) it is still the offseason! And that means it is time to Offseason Shitpost™ while I still can, the one skill that reddit has taught me in my past 6 years in using the site. This is the content y'all get for recruiting redditors, so don't go blaming me for this low effort post. This is your fault!
Now while I may be a new user (and am writing this meme of an article because I know very little about this league so far), I do not plan to take this meme post lightly. I plan to give well thought out and researched opinions on each of the teams, as any self respecting shitposter would! And I plan on defending my opinions with my life because that is obviously very healthy. So now, let me get to the real thread:
What sandwich is your DSFL team?
Now before I go on, you may ask - why did you only choose the DSFL? To which, I respond - there are only eight of them and I would like to finish this before I go to bed because if we're being real, me writing this on a Saturday night is kind of sad! So let us begin in reverse alphabetical order by team mascot! This is my list if you want to go in a different order, please make your own, but hurry the offseason clock is ticking!
Norfolk Seawolves
Ah, Norfolk. A beautiful city in my home state of Virginia. Located in the 757 and home to the world's largest naval base, the Seawolves definitely have an inspired name and mascot behind the naval submaries, well representing the area. It is also home to the NATO headquarters, which is something I did not know before this. See even I am learning here.
So looking at what sandwich best represents this team, I saw myself with two choices. The first was a classic Virginia Ham Sandwich. A respectable, well-known meal that pays homage to its origin and is as manly as the Navy itself! But no, instead the Seawolves are in fact:
A Subway Sub!
I mean could it be anymore obvious? It's right there in the name! Not just one but two subs!
London Royals
London is one of those cities that really put the I in ISFL. For whatever reason, Americans have always wanted to expand their sports to England in what I imagine as a form of reverse colonialism! Half joking political commentary aside, London is a great city home of Parliament and many icons and landmarks that I won't even dive into because I will not do it justice. That being said, London is home to one bad thing - British food. While the Royals are in my opinion the coolest in both logo and name, there is only one appropriate sandwich to represent such a city and cuisine:
A Chip Butty...
This disgusting sandwich is the epitome of British food. Carb loaded junk that makes American food look healthy. Seriously, England! You invaded so many countries, at least use the spices you accumulated!
Portland Pythons
I am going to be honest here, prior to this post I did not know much about Portland. I knew it was the most populous city in Oregon, but that is really it. But the pythons mascot? That is top tier. Sneks are the best reptile after all. Plus it is a programming language, perfect for encapsulating the growing occupation in the area!
Now, I do know there is only one choice for this team's sandwich. It is none other than:
Avacado Toast!
The hipster food that is also green! Like our python friends here. Now you might get mad at me for going with the stereotype here, and to be honest, fair. But it is better than trying to force a snake sandwich, in my opinion. And yes, an open face sandwich counts as a sandwich! Dont @ me!
Tijuana Luchadores
Conversely to my point about London being the most international team, Tijuana is probably the least being right next to the US, haha. Whether you think it to be San Diego lite or maybe you think San Diego is Mexico lite, it is honestly great to see Mexico represented in pro football! Talk about a great culture and even more excellent food! The mascot just tops it off with the Luchadores being one of the most iconic parts of the country.
With all the above being said, however, I do not really know of any Mexico or Mexico inspired sandwiches... Except for one! That's right! The sandwich that best represents this team is:
Taco Pizza!
Booooo!!
Quit booing me, I'm right! What do you mean I am "stretching the definition of a sandwich"? And that if I "allow pizza I should have just allowed tacos"? And that I am "practically appropriating 3 cultures in one"? This is a meme post and I thought this was funny and applicable! Plus taco pizzas are all the rage now, haven't you heard?!
And if you have any issues with my definition of a sandwich, talk to the chart!
Minnesota Grey Ducks
Moving into the cold boi territory, we have the weirdos in Minnesota that say "duck duck grey duck" and "pop" instead of "duck duck goose" and "soda" that us normal people say, respectively. Taking my pedantic-ness out of the equation, this gave rise to one of the cooler and most unique mascot/name combos in the DSFL. Not only that, the Grey Ducks are also my gfs favorite mascot in the DSFL, which is a big plus.
Now onto the sandwich of grey ducks. I felt it was too on the nose to just go with a duck/goose sandwich, although it would probably be par for the course based on my list so far. But no! Instead the sandwich that best represents this team is none other than a:
SPAM sandwich!
After all, Minnesota is the origin of this joke of a food. Plus it only adds to how weird these people are. How can you tolerate such cold?!!?
Kanas City Coyotes
Now onto the Coyotes! Wait, is it pronounced "Kai-oats" or "Kai-oat-tees"? I want to say the former, but at the same time I believe it is the later, if we look at our boy Wile E. Coyote. Anyway! Kansas City is a great place with an awesome, huge, dedicated, and loyal fanbase. And even better barbeque! In my opinion the best barbeque in the US! You can @ me on this one!
I won't even meme this sandwich. Y'all already know what it is too. The coyotes are none other than a:
BBQ Smoked Brisket Sandwich!
It is just too good to mess up, and you cannot even have just one! Aw man, if I lived in KC, well I don't think I could not not gain weight.
Bondi Beach Buccaneers
Coming to our second green team on this list (you know it is actually really unpopular for teams to be green in sports, you ever notice?), Bondi Beach is also the second team in which I had to look up its location because I sure never heard of it before. And now after knowing its location, I like the team even more! The alliteration is definitely a plus and Sydney, Australia is an epic and unique area.
Now with a whole new continent to dive into for food, this sandwich choice was probably the hardest! At first I thought I would go with a bread wrapped barbequed snag. But then I thought about going with a traditional burger with 'the lot.' Since both would perfectly represent the entire country/continent. But after a long hard inner discussion, I came to the conclusion that there is only one choice here. You guessed it!
Vegemite on Toast!
Why? Because like the Australians themselves, it looks disgusting but is actually salty, bitter, and malty (or so I have heard)! Uhh, that was supposed to be a compliment... Well please take it as one!
Dallas Birddogs
Finally, we have Dallas. Home of not one but 2 TV shows named after the city! Now make no mistake, these birddogs are not bird and dog amalgamations (although I wish they were!), they are in fact bird hunting dogs, which is less than ideal for your average grey duck. And I am sure the Minnesota and Dallas games play out similar to the NES classic Duck Hunt.
Anyways, back to the food! They say everything is bigger in Texas, and that sure does apply to the food. So at the very least, the birddogs would be a big sandwich! But the question is what's the filling?? Initially, at least when I was just looking at Dallas the city, I was thinking something like a steak or prime rib. But then it hit me! They could be none other than a:
Double Decker Smoked Turkey Club with Pulled Pork!
For 3 reasons, first the turkey because the dogs hunt birds (duh), the pulled pork because Texas thinks they have the best BBQ (they are wrong!), and finally double decker because everything is BIGGER in Texas! It's science.
Closing Remarks
Thank you for coming to my TED talk. Feel free to fight me in the comments!
(Words: 1568)
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