07-06-2021, 02:43 AM
(This post was last modified: 07-06-2021, 11:02 AM by allbetsonjames.)
Warning: Mental Health Talk. If you are susceptible to these kinds of talks. Please proceed at your risk.
The last time I made a player on this site, nothing was gained by the community. But this is a story as old as time with my players.
Formation. Stagnation. Destruction.
Nothing like an InciteHysteria creation. Destined to hit a wall and end up at the end of the depth chart of whatever DSFL takes a flier on an inactive filler player in the last round of the draft. I think by now I have had the most players in the history of the league. Wyatt Fulton, Mantis Toboggan, Alexander Overholt, Felix Hasselhoff, Wyatt Fulton Jr., Noah Akerele, Noel Akerele and now Sakeem Webb, The list is longer than I could even imagine. But one thing is evident from the number of players I have created in the league. I have wanted to succeed and I have wanted to be part of this community. But something has always derailed my tries.
I started down this road in what I would consider my first league as well (the SHL). Creating players and just realizing I didn't have the mental energy to keep up with the demand of managing the responsibilities of life and juggling the required tasks on required days. Something always had to be shaved away to make things bearable. Unfortunately that always my sim league communities. Despite the friendships I had made I had always to extract myself from these leagues. After taking an in-depth look at these leagues and if they really were the the problem in my life. I had to decide if these were really causing me problems with managing my time or was there something more? There had to be something else.
So came the year 2020. The dreaded year of self isolation, constant barrages of terrible news, and friends and family revealing their true colors around every turn. Mental health issues started to spiral for everyone. My mental health tanked further than I thought it ever could. Alone, plugging away at a job that I hated, alone and with nowhere to turn. I decided to see a therapist for the first time in my life at the behest of my brother. And my god, it was the best decision I ever made in my life. When you realize that all the haze floating around your head for years has been something that was easily remedied with someone to talk to, medication, and support, you kind of are taken aback.
"I could have been better so many years earlier?"
What in the fuck was I thinking putting this off? Despite the rampant oozing diarrhea flowing out of the television news broadcasts and the people who deny doing what is best for their fellow humans—this has been one of the best years of my life. But before I meander too much and talk personally too much I would like to get the point of this post.
I have been back in the SHL for a year. I haven't missed a single TPE task and it's been so damn easy compared to the past. So if you read any part of this post make it this one:
I am not asking people to draft me. I am not pleading to be a top pick. I can understand the hesitation with my track record of fizzling. So if you pass on me over and over and over again, I feel no hard feelings to you. There is no use in getting upset when every past transgression has been my very own making.
Instead I would just like to say that I would be so grateful if someone gave me a chance again in the league. You can draft me last in the entire DSFL draft for all I care. You can draft me last in the ISFL draft after that as well. I just would like to be part of this league as a player again. I want to share my positivity and do what I can to make this league even just a little bit better. There are so many great people here with so much dedication and time. I can't imagine how much you put into your work on this league. And I'm very glad to be part of it in any way possible.
Thank you for taking the time to read this post. I understand if it doesn't qualify as media. Getting paid wasn't my goal with this post but just sharing a bit about the enigma that is the person who has made 8 players in the league and only made the ISFL on two of them.
I leave you with a poem that I read when doing some therapy reading. One of quite a few that had a monumental impact on me.
O Me! O Life! by Walt Whitman
Oh me! Oh life! of the questions of these recurring,
Of the endless trains of the faithless, of cities fill’d with the foolish,
Of myself forever reproaching myself, (for who more foolish than I, and who more faithless?)
Of eyes that vainly crave the light, of the objects mean, of the struggle ever renew’d,
Of the poor results of all, of the plodding and sordid crowds I see around me,
Of the empty and useless years of the rest, with the rest me intertwined,
The question, O me! so sad, recurring—What good amid these, O me, O life?
Answer.
That you are here—that life exists and identity,
That the powerful play goes on, and you may contribute a verse.
Have a wonderful day/evening. And always prioritize your mental health. There is nothing greater you can do for yourself than to admit when you are struggling and need help. There is nothing wrong with asking for health. Honestly empowers us all.
DEL
The last time I made a player on this site, nothing was gained by the community. But this is a story as old as time with my players.
Formation. Stagnation. Destruction.
Nothing like an InciteHysteria creation. Destined to hit a wall and end up at the end of the depth chart of whatever DSFL takes a flier on an inactive filler player in the last round of the draft. I think by now I have had the most players in the history of the league. Wyatt Fulton, Mantis Toboggan, Alexander Overholt, Felix Hasselhoff, Wyatt Fulton Jr., Noah Akerele, Noel Akerele and now Sakeem Webb, The list is longer than I could even imagine. But one thing is evident from the number of players I have created in the league. I have wanted to succeed and I have wanted to be part of this community. But something has always derailed my tries.
I started down this road in what I would consider my first league as well (the SHL). Creating players and just realizing I didn't have the mental energy to keep up with the demand of managing the responsibilities of life and juggling the required tasks on required days. Something always had to be shaved away to make things bearable. Unfortunately that always my sim league communities. Despite the friendships I had made I had always to extract myself from these leagues. After taking an in-depth look at these leagues and if they really were the the problem in my life. I had to decide if these were really causing me problems with managing my time or was there something more? There had to be something else.
So came the year 2020. The dreaded year of self isolation, constant barrages of terrible news, and friends and family revealing their true colors around every turn. Mental health issues started to spiral for everyone. My mental health tanked further than I thought it ever could. Alone, plugging away at a job that I hated, alone and with nowhere to turn. I decided to see a therapist for the first time in my life at the behest of my brother. And my god, it was the best decision I ever made in my life. When you realize that all the haze floating around your head for years has been something that was easily remedied with someone to talk to, medication, and support, you kind of are taken aback.
"I could have been better so many years earlier?"
What in the fuck was I thinking putting this off? Despite the rampant oozing diarrhea flowing out of the television news broadcasts and the people who deny doing what is best for their fellow humans—this has been one of the best years of my life. But before I meander too much and talk personally too much I would like to get the point of this post.
I have been back in the SHL for a year. I haven't missed a single TPE task and it's been so damn easy compared to the past. So if you read any part of this post make it this one:
I am not asking people to draft me. I am not pleading to be a top pick. I can understand the hesitation with my track record of fizzling. So if you pass on me over and over and over again, I feel no hard feelings to you. There is no use in getting upset when every past transgression has been my very own making.
Instead I would just like to say that I would be so grateful if someone gave me a chance again in the league. You can draft me last in the entire DSFL draft for all I care. You can draft me last in the ISFL draft after that as well. I just would like to be part of this league as a player again. I want to share my positivity and do what I can to make this league even just a little bit better. There are so many great people here with so much dedication and time. I can't imagine how much you put into your work on this league. And I'm very glad to be part of it in any way possible.
Thank you for taking the time to read this post. I understand if it doesn't qualify as media. Getting paid wasn't my goal with this post but just sharing a bit about the enigma that is the person who has made 8 players in the league and only made the ISFL on two of them.
I leave you with a poem that I read when doing some therapy reading. One of quite a few that had a monumental impact on me.
O Me! O Life! by Walt Whitman
Oh me! Oh life! of the questions of these recurring,
Of the endless trains of the faithless, of cities fill’d with the foolish,
Of myself forever reproaching myself, (for who more foolish than I, and who more faithless?)
Of eyes that vainly crave the light, of the objects mean, of the struggle ever renew’d,
Of the poor results of all, of the plodding and sordid crowds I see around me,
Of the empty and useless years of the rest, with the rest me intertwined,
The question, O me! so sad, recurring—What good amid these, O me, O life?
Answer.
That you are here—that life exists and identity,
That the powerful play goes on, and you may contribute a verse.
Have a wonderful day/evening. And always prioritize your mental health. There is nothing greater you can do for yourself than to admit when you are struggling and need help. There is nothing wrong with asking for health. Honestly empowers us all.
DEL
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