*Tuba's Comprehensively (In)Correct S33 Mock Draft

[TubaDeus]

Welcome to the 33rd edition of the ISFL draft! I may be a newbie to the ISFL, but that doesn't mean I can't confidently bluster my way through a mock draft and get them all wrong with the best of them! So without further ado, let's get this show on the road!

1.01 Orange County Otters  - Kahn Cussion - LB

Kahn Cussion has it all. He's among the class leaders in TPE, he has a sizable bank balance carried over to keep the max earning going, he's an ISFL vet who shouldn't have any issues with maintaining activity, and he's at a position of desperate need for the Otters. What more could you want? The only potential hangup here is that Orange County also desperately needs wide receiver help. While Cussion is one of the headliners of the entire S33 class, there are a handful of other high end linebacker prospects who the Otters could target with any of their other three first round picks or four second round picks. The wide receivers in this class are not quite as strong, with only Marvin Toledo profiling solidly as a first round selection. This makes him a viable dark horse candidate should Orange County choose to play the odds. However, at the end of the day it's hard to pass up on an elite prospect like Cussion.


1.02 Chicago Butchers  - Leonardo McTurtle - DE

The Butchers don't have any one specific position of need so much as a smattering of holes. Staring down a rebuild, it makes sense to try and grab a cornerstone playmaker to build around. Leonardo McTurtle fits the bill as one of the clear top 3 prospects of the S33 class. McTurtle doesn't have a long history in the league, but the way he's taken the league's social scene by storm indicates that future inactivity is unlikely. His early media earnings also support the notion that McTurtle will have no issue affording max gains throughout his career. Bonus points for the Butchers' defensive line of the future being anchored by McTurtle and defensive tackle Franklin Turtle. That line will be a tough shell to crack.


1.03 Yellowknife Wraiths  - Daron Arnold - LB

Much like Chicago, Yellowknife has holes all over the roster. Unlike Chicago, however, there are a few critical gaping holes in the Wraiths' lineup. Specifically, Yellowknife has the worst running back and linebacker corps in the entire league. As it so happens, two of the top remaining prospects fill those two positions; RB The Stig and LB Daron Arnold. Strictly speaking, Stig is a slightly better prospect than Arnold. Stig owns the higher TPE, bigger bank balance, and is an ISFL veteran. However, what potentially gives Arnold the edge here is that Yellowknife's offense is not designed to support a strong run game. The Wraiths have surrounded young QB Dustin Parmelee with all kinds of receiving weapons. A strong RB would of course be a welcomed addition, but likely would not be the focus of this offense, making it a wasted pick. Defenses, however, don't have that kind of luxury of being able to dictate where the ball goes. They have to be able to defend anywhere the offense decides to move the ball. That makes LB the more critical position for Yellowknife to reinforce, giving Arnold the edge.


1.04 Orange County Otters  - Marvin Toledo - WR

With the three top prospects gone and one of their most pressing holes filled, Orange County turns to their other critical need with the fourth overall pick. Marvin Toledo is the clear top wide receiver in the S33 draft, being the only one to reach (or even come close) to the DSFL cap before the final draft updates. He's also off to a strong start in making money off media posts, supporting the notion that he will continue to grow into a cornerstone role in the Otters' offense. There is some risk involved as Toledo is an ISFL rookie, but the potential reward is well worth the risk for an Orange County team looking for a strong turnaround in the next few seasons.


1.05 New Orleans Second Line  - The Stig - RB

New Orleans is looking to plug several major holes, and they don't have many draft picks to do that with. It would seem that they are a prime candidate to trade back. However, such trades are tough to predict, so we'll assume they stay put for the purposes of this mock draft. And for what it's worth, drafting best player available here does fill one of the Second Line's more pressing needs. The Stig is the top TPE earner of the S33 class, and holds one of the largest bank balances as well to ensure that he stays that way. He would fill in nicely as the replacement for New Orleans' aging backfield.


1.06 Philadelphia Liberty  - Raphael McTurtle - DT

It should come as no surprise that the top seed of the S32 NSFC does not have many holes in their roster. This allows Philadelphia the unusual luxury of being able to truly draft for the future rather than trying to plug holes right now. Looking ahead, the most likely candidate to be replaced next is defensive tackle. Honky-Tonk Haywood still boasts an impressive TPE total despite being a S25 draftee, but regardless of how hard he tries to keep that up his days are likely numbered as regression starts really taking its toll. Philadelphia has no other DT on the roster, and there's only one DT in this class; Raphael McTurtle. McTurtle isn't quite a leader in TPE, but he's not far enough off for it to really be considered a problem. More importantly, he boasts a solid bank account as well as the experience of being an ISFL veteran, both of which can easily make up for any TPE difference in the long run.


1.07 San Jose Sabercats  - Greg Strongjaw - DE

San Jose has locked down nice, young cornerstones at QB and TE. Beyond that...well, let's just say the Sabercats can't afford to miss in this draft. Staring down a complete overhaul, it would be in San Jose's best interest to simply take the best available player, especially on defense where the Sabercats are riddled with aging and inactive players. Enter Greg Strongjaw. Strongjaw is right at the top of the next tier of defensive players in terms of TPE, and really only trails a couple of RBs overall. He is an ISFL rookie, but he also quickly rose the ranks to take over as the GM of the Kansas City Coyotes. That kind of meteoric rise mitigates pretty much every concern a team might have with taking a rookie with their first pick. It also makes Strongjaw an invaluable and unique asset in scouting future classes. He's a strong earner and excellent off the field presence that will help San Jose with their rebuild. The Sabercats could not ask for a better prospect to fall into their lap.


1.08 Berlin Fire Salamanders  - Nick Flint - LB

Berlin certainly earned their place as the NSFC representatives in the S32 Ultimus game, but the fact of the matter is that a sizable percentage of the team is sitting on the wrong side of their prime. The Fire Salamanders have several positions that they need to have replacements waiting in the wings if they want to avoid a complete teardown in 2 or 3 seasons. Fortunately for Berlin, one of those positions is linebacker, which happens to line up with one of the top remaining prospects; Nick Flint. Flint isn't quite an elite earner, but certainly hasn't been falling behind either. Perhaps more importantly, the drop off after Flint is significant at the linebacker position in this draft. Missing on Flint will almost certainly ensure that the Fire Salamanders' LB3 slot will remain a hole for several more seasons as they scramble to replace their aging roster.


1.09 Sarasota Sailfish  - King Zeus - CB

Is CB Sarasota's greatest need? No. In a perfect world they would be filling in their gaping holes at WR, DT, and/or S. However, that's not to say that CB isn't a need for the Sailfish, and the top remaining CB is head and shoulders above the remaining wide receivers and safeties in this draft (and there are no more defensive tackles). Oh, and there's the little fact that King Zeus is a recreate of former Sarasota GM sakrosankt. When an objectively solid pick meets a subjectively solid pick, there really isn't much else to debate. Expect Zeus to return home to the Sailfish.


1.10 Austin Copperheads  - Kellan Frost - DE

The Copperheads' defense is still functional, but it's also old. They desperately need to get moving on finding replacements for pretty much every level or there's going to be a gap in the next few years where their defense won't be able to stop some DSFL teams. Unfortunately for Austin, King Zeus was the last high end defensive prospect in this very defensive-loaded draft. There's a very real possibility that the Copperheads opt to draft a higher end offensive prospect and convert them to defense, but with that being difficult to predict we have to assume there's going to be a little bit of a reach here. The two main options are LB Joe Smokes and DE Kellan Frost. The two are pretty much dead even as far as prospect grades go, but Frost holds a slight edge in the area of familiarity; Frost was recruited into the ISFL by Austin GM unconfident69. That little edge is likely enough to make Frost the better fit here.


1.11 Orange County Otters  - Bud R. Fingers - WR

Orange County comes around for its third pick of the first round. The Otters do have needs other than just wide receiver and linebacker, but A) those two positions are still their biggest needs even with their two earlier picks, and B) there aren't many high end options remaining for their other positions of need. If they're forced to go back to those same two positions, then Bud R. Fingers stands out as the top remaining prospect. Fingers isn't the strongest earner out there, but he is an ISFL veteran with a proven track record of solid earning. His sizable bank balance should help with that as well. Hopefully Toledo and Fingers make for a solid pair of weapons for young QB Tron Carter for many seasons to come.


1.12 Arizona Outlaws  - D'Nickashaw Mangoldson - OL

Arizona does have more pressing needs than offensive line, especially with the lack of value offensive line holds in the current sim meta. However, this does not mean it wouldn't help to improve the offensive line. More importantly though, D'Nickashaw Mangoldson is a long time Arizona stalwart, having spent the majority of his last two players' careers with the Outlaws. Maybe Mangoldson stays as an offensive lineman. Maybe he swaps to something the Outlaws actually need. Whatever the means, though, Mangoldson will almost certainly find himself returning home to Arizona.


1.13 Orange County Otters  - Gus Bus - RB

Running back is not a particularly pressing need for the Otters, but at a certain point best player available simply trumps positional need. The clear top two prospects remaining are both RBs, and to take anyone else would be a huge dropoff in TPE potential. What gives Gus Bus the edge over his fellow top RB prospect Videl Valor is the fullback designation. Orange County already has decent (if unspectacular) RB play, but adding a true fullback is something unique that could significantly aid the running game. There's also the bonus that a fullback is reasonably capable of manning the tight end slot, something the Otters do desperately need. Bonus points for having one of the better sig makers in the business, in my completely unbiased opinion that has nothing to do with my own amazing sig below.


1.14 New York Silverbacks  - Videl Valor - RB

New York's war room deserves approximately all the praise for somehow taking a roster with more holes than Swiss cheese and turning it into the S32 Ultimus champions. Of course, if they want to repeat it would help to plug some of those holes, the most glaring of which is running back where the Silverbacks' current trio have been disappointing. Lucky for New York, there should be at least one elite RB talent slipping to the end of the first round due to a relative saturation of RB talent on the market. In the case of this mock, that would be Videl Valor. Valor is an ISFL vet with a strong media presence, indicating that they will likely continue to earn at a high rate throughout their career. Getting a talent like Valor this late in the first at a position of need would be a steal for the defending champs.