Luke Long 'Retirement' Announcement

[StoneColdJaneAusten]

Thank you all for coming here today for what can only be described as heartbreaking news. Before I do anything let me introduce myself. My name is Jarles Tarkley and I am Luke Long's agent. Late last night I received a call from Luke and he let me know that he would no longer be in the league, and wanted me to explain his reasoning behind his decision.

A month ago, Luke was feeling ill and went to his doctor and they confirmed our worst suspicions. Luke was suffering from a rare disease that only affects every one in 7 billion people, called boneitis. As it is so rare, there is no known cure, and the disease is not only fatal, but devastatingly painful. In order to avoid this pain, Luke has decided to freeze himself until a cure is discovered. Until such a time, he will remain frozen and hopes that his case will help bring publicity to this little understood disease and that it will be cured quickly so he can come back and do what he was put on this earth to do; play football really awesomely.

Thank you for your time. I am sorry that this could not be better news. Please send your prayers and donations to the head boneitis researcher, Dr. Hubert J Farnsworth at 1 West 57th Street, Manhattan, New New York, United States, Earth, Sol System, Milky Way, Universe A.

[tlk742]

Goodbye, sweet prince.

[RainDelay]

Thank you all for coming here today for what can only be described as heartbreaking news. Before I do anything let me introduce myself. My name is Jarles Tarkley and I am Luke Long's agent.  Late last night I received a call from Luke and he let me know that he would no longer be in the league, and wanted me to explain his reasoning behind his decision.

A month ago, Luke was feeling ill and went to his doctor and they confirmed our worst suspicions. Luke was suffering from a rare disease that only affects every one in 7 billion people, called boneitis. As it is so rare, there is no known cure, and the disease is not only fatal, but devastatingly painful. In order to avoid this pain, Luke has decided to freeze himself until a cure is discovered. Until such a time, he will remain frozen and hopes that his case will help bring publicity to this little understood disease and that it will be cured quickly so he can come back and do what he was put on this earth to do; play football really awesomely.

Thank you for your time. I am sorry that this could not be better news. Please send your prayers and donations to the head boneitis researcher, Dr. Hubert J Farnsworth at 1 West 57th Street, Manhattan, New New York, United States, Earth, Sol System, Milky Way, Universe A.

Will your agent be taking on a new player?

[HalfEatenOnionBagel]

You either freeze yourself a hero or play long enough to go inactive

[tlk742]

Will your agent be taking on a new player?

So I know him personally, probably not in the near future, he's busy with work and such as a result doesn't have time to throw into this.

[White Cornerback]

That's some bonehurting juice.

[HENDRIX]

Freeze in Peace

[7hawk77]

Thank you all for coming here today for what can only be described as heartbreaking news. Before I do anything let me introduce myself. My name is Jarles Tarkley and I am Luke Long's agent.  Late last night I received a call from Luke and he let me know that he would no longer be in the league, and wanted me to explain his reasoning behind his decision.

A month ago, Luke was feeling ill and went to his doctor and they confirmed our worst suspicions. Luke was suffering from a rare disease that only affects every one in 7 billion people, called boneitis. As it is so rare, there is no known cure, and the disease is not only fatal, but devastatingly painful. In order to avoid this pain, Luke has decided to freeze himself until a cure is discovered. Until such a time, he will remain frozen and hopes that his case will help bring publicity to this little understood disease and that it will be cured quickly so he can come back and do what he was put on this earth to do; play football really awesomely.

Thank you for your time. I am sorry that this could not be better news. Please send your prayers and donations to the head boneitis researcher, Dr. Hubert J Farnsworth at 1 West 57th Street, Manhattan, New New York, United States, Earth, Sol System, Milky Way, Universe A.

This saddens Lord Nibbler.

[Jiggly_333]

Still the best username I have ever seen.