In the wake of controversial articles being posted by Francois Lamoreux's agent regarding draft grading and a mock awards ceremony, the offensive lineman drafted 9th overall in the Season 3 Draft by the Yellowknife Wraiths is ready to answer questions. This is a followup to his critically acclaimed first press conference.
Francois lumbers up to the podium, adjusting his plaid bowtie. He takes a sip of eau de toilette (not the perfume, actual toilet water) and awaits the first question. A fruity looking man who would likely draw suspicion if in the vicinity of a playground stands. It is the general manager of the Yellowknife Wraiths, Spike Crown.
"You Americans go through so much deodorant but are still fat. Why smell good if you cannot climb up the stairs without taking a donut break on the way? Francois has musky manly smell which drives American women crazy. Your women are le easy too, it just takes one whiff of scent to make them water their pantyhose. You say the glorious French croissant has equal? What is this crescent, is that part of moon? Only moon I see here is crack of fat American ass bending over to be used by glorious Francois. For pomade, Francois uses it to style the hair on his derriere to be more pleasing for your mother. Perhaps if you groomed down there once in a while you would get more action. Better questions, please."
An enormous man slowly rises from the back. He had to purchase two seats for the press conference to accommodate his portly figure. While apparently pushing 400 points this hasn't stopped the man from enjoying a bag of pork rinds and as he stands a multitude of crumbs falls to the floor. It is Angus Winchester, offensive lineman for the Orange County Otters. In between wheezes he asks his question.
"Le ho ho, what you call a surrender we call a tactical retreat! Where did le Allies land to take down Ricardo Sandoval's regime? In Normandy in glorious France. Great French General Charles de Gaulle led le resistance to the Hawks and was duly awarded by having an airport named after him. We do not just throw bodies at the enemy like le Soviet Russians, we prefer to enjoy a fine wine while we contemplate our next maneuver. Subtlety is lost on an Otter, which is why you will be riding le last place this year."
A good looking man in a nice suit stands, it is Kevin Cushing, linebacker and safety for the Yellowknife Wraiths.
"Francois does not want to bankrupt ghostboss, le ho ho. He needs his money to pay for his cucumber enlargement surgery. Our bet is one of great honneur, which does not mean large sums. A single dollar is enough for a couple hours with your mother, le ho ho, so value is relative."
With the help of a couple of strong individuals next to him, Angus Winchester rises from his mobility scooter to ask another question.
"Who told you that? Bourbon is pisswater drank by the mongrel "Louisiana French" who are less French than the Japanese. I spit on the French Quarter and its cheap imitation of fine French whiskey. Cognac is the ambrosia of the gods, a well sipped snifter of cognac will bring joy and happiness to the gloomiest soul."
A pale white kid with a shaved head holding a tiki torch stands. It is Cosborn Ballboy, the agent for Ricardo Sandoval of the Baltimore Hawks.
"Francois is unimpressed by your attempts to emulate the majestic French language. You can spit out your le's and la's but it will not replace the gaulish beast within every true fleur-de-lis loving Frenchman. The meaning is to bring back le ancien régime, and restore le glorious Bourbons to the throne. If that is not possible, at least we can enjoy a case of bourbon."
Francois lumbers up to the podium, adjusting his plaid bowtie. He takes a sip of eau de toilette (not the perfume, actual toilet water) and awaits the first question. A fruity looking man who would likely draw suspicion if in the vicinity of a playground stands. It is the general manager of the Yellowknife Wraiths, Spike Crown.
(09-08-2017, 05:37 PM)Bzerkap Wrote:Do you believe the statements in the public about your hygiene say anything about the state of America at this time?
Would you say that a croissant is the same thing as the American crescent?
How many jars of pomade do you go through on a normal day?
"You Americans go through so much deodorant but are still fat. Why smell good if you cannot climb up the stairs without taking a donut break on the way? Francois has musky manly smell which drives American women crazy. Your women are le easy too, it just takes one whiff of scent to make them water their pantyhose. You say the glorious French croissant has equal? What is this crescent, is that part of moon? Only moon I see here is crack of fat American ass bending over to be used by glorious Francois. For pomade, Francois uses it to style the hair on his derriere to be more pleasing for your mother. Perhaps if you groomed down there once in a while you would get more action. Better questions, please."
An enormous man slowly rises from the back. He had to purchase two seats for the press conference to accommodate his portly figure. While apparently pushing 400 points this hasn't stopped the man from enjoying a bag of pork rinds and as he stands a multitude of crumbs falls to the floor. It is Angus Winchester, offensive lineman for the Orange County Otters. In between wheezes he asks his question.
(09-08-2017, 05:55 PM)timeconsumer Wrote:After accusing R. Sandoval of being a Nazi, how long after did you surrender?
"Le ho ho, what you call a surrender we call a tactical retreat! Where did le Allies land to take down Ricardo Sandoval's regime? In Normandy in glorious France. Great French General Charles de Gaulle led le resistance to the Hawks and was duly awarded by having an airport named after him. We do not just throw bodies at the enemy like le Soviet Russians, we prefer to enjoy a fine wine while we contemplate our next maneuver. Subtlety is lost on an Otter, which is why you will be riding le last place this year."
A good looking man in a nice suit stands, it is Kevin Cushing, linebacker and safety for the Yellowknife Wraiths.
(09-08-2017, 07:02 PM)kckolbe Wrote:You recently made a performance bet against Mat Akselson for 1 dollar per game. Was the amount low because you knew he was better or because that was as high as you could count?
"Francois does not want to bankrupt ghostboss, le ho ho. He needs his money to pay for his cucumber enlargement surgery. Our bet is one of great honneur, which does not mean large sums. A single dollar is enough for a couple hours with your mother, le ho ho, so value is relative."
With the help of a couple of strong individuals next to him, Angus Winchester rises from his mobility scooter to ask another question.
(09-08-2017, 08:22 PM)timeconsumer Wrote:Why is cognac inferior to bourbon?
"Who told you that? Bourbon is pisswater drank by the mongrel "Louisiana French" who are less French than the Japanese. I spit on the French Quarter and its cheap imitation of fine French whiskey. Cognac is the ambrosia of the gods, a well sipped snifter of cognac will bring joy and happiness to the gloomiest soul."
A pale white kid with a shaved head holding a tiki torch stands. It is Cosborn Ballboy, the agent for Ricardo Sandoval of the Baltimore Hawks.
(09-08-2017, 08:28 PM)cosbornballboy Wrote:What is the meaning of life, oh sir Croissants le la Eiffel Tower?
"Francois is unimpressed by your attempts to emulate the majestic French language. You can spit out your le's and la's but it will not replace the gaulish beast within every true fleur-de-lis loving Frenchman. The meaning is to bring back le ancien régime, and restore le glorious Bourbons to the throne. If that is not possible, at least we can enjoy a case of bourbon."
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