Thank you all for coming. With the whirlwind couple of weeks of being drafted, moving to my new team, buying a new home, and other things, I haven't had time for the media so much. Plus I want to avoid that Smitfter guy. He's a stain on your profession. But between Joe getting moved to the DSFL and trades and hearing about that one Red guy constantly disparaging me and all the other hooplah, I think it's time. Questions, please."
Who the fuck are you and why should I root for your dumb ass until you prove you can ball?
"Well, somebody's got a saucy mouth, don't they? I'm not here to brag about myself. It's not really my style. There's like 47 dudes named Sandoval already taking care of that. I'm here to earn it. And in this case, I'm here to earn the faith that the best GM in the league's history has placed in me by making me the Outlaws starting Tight End before I ever take a snap in a game."
do you prefer quinoa or couscous? Brocolli or Cauliflower? rugby or cricket?
"Couscous for sure. It has a better mouthfeel. Also, broccoli and rugby. I like the hitting and the excuse to wear extremely tight shorts when I play."
What does it mean to be human?
"It's Skittles. Puppies. Clouds. Warm blankets. Yoohoo. The breadsticks at Olive Garden but literally nothing else they make. Warm feelings and deep thoughts and spending an hour asking yourself dumb questions like seriously, why are McDonalds' fries so good? Surely someone could've replicated that by now. It's wearing no underwear to a business meeting and no one knowing. It's that one Will Ferrell movie with the narrator he hears. Would my narrator be a British woman? I don't know. It's Mr. Rogers. It's good ice cream and great steak. Or leaves if you don't like meat. It's high fives from strangers. It's life. Life."
What's your favourite flavour starburst and which one is the worst?
Pink. It's all about the pink Starburst. I don't really have a least favorite though.
Do you have any pregame rituals?
How do you feel about your first two preseason performances?
I actively listen to aggressive hip hop before games to help me get fired up. Some RTJ, a little Busta, maybe some Ces Cru. Mix that with some old school hard rock and I'm good to go. No other rituals needed.
As for my games, I feel amazing. Getting out there and having success with King on the things we'd been working on in practice was great. It was like that pee first thing in the morning. You feel like you've been holding it in forever and then bam.
Who the fuck are you and why should I root for your dumb ass until you prove you can ball?
"Well, somebody's got a saucy mouth, don't they? I'm not here to brag about myself. It's not really my style. There's like 47 dudes named Sandoval already taking care of that. I'm here to earn it. And in this case, I'm here to earn the faith that the best GM in the league's history has placed in me by making me the Outlaws starting Tight End before I ever take a snap in a game."
do you prefer quinoa or couscous? Brocolli or Cauliflower? rugby or cricket?
"Couscous for sure. It has a better mouthfeel. Also, broccoli and rugby. I like the hitting and the excuse to wear extremely tight shorts when I play."
What does it mean to be human?
"It's Skittles. Puppies. Clouds. Warm blankets. Yoohoo. The breadsticks at Olive Garden but literally nothing else they make. Warm feelings and deep thoughts and spending an hour asking yourself dumb questions like seriously, why are McDonalds' fries so good? Surely someone could've replicated that by now. It's wearing no underwear to a business meeting and no one knowing. It's that one Will Ferrell movie with the narrator he hears. Would my narrator be a British woman? I don't know. It's Mr. Rogers. It's good ice cream and great steak. Or leaves if you don't like meat. It's high fives from strangers. It's life. Life."
What's your favourite flavour starburst and which one is the worst?
Pink. It's all about the pink Starburst. I don't really have a least favorite though.
Do you have any pregame rituals?
How do you feel about your first two preseason performances?
I actively listen to aggressive hip hop before games to help me get fired up. Some RTJ, a little Busta, maybe some Ces Cru. Mix that with some old school hard rock and I'm good to go. No other rituals needed.
As for my games, I feel amazing. Getting out there and having success with King on the things we'd been working on in practice was great. It was like that pee first thing in the morning. You feel like you've been holding it in forever and then bam.
![[Image: 68.png]](https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/722696337912496132/759304283312881684/68.png)
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