The Portland Pythons just destroyed the Kansas City Coyotes. After missing a kick (their kicker had already missed a few earlier in the year) a reporter by the name of Erin Dwayne followed the kicker near the tunnel leading into the locker room. There she saw the young kicker talking to a man in a heavy jacket looking like a new york city thug from the 70s, his name was Logan Noble. She panicked and snatched the pads which belonged to Borkus Maximus (they were broken because he had taken 20 sacks at this point) then watched as she was disguised as a player. She overheard Noble saying something something TPE enhancement something something you can actually make a kick for once in your life something something that'll be 50mil (following the naturally absurd NSFL price tags of course). She watched as Noble handed Nugent a few pills of Adderall, and Nugent then proceeded to hand over a large briefcase of what is to believed was money.
Nugent then went on to make a record 2 field goals and a couple extra points. After the game Erin Dwayne, in an interview with Nugent, asked him how he handles being the greatest failure at the kicking position since NFL legend Blair Walsh. He responded saying "I literally had a 100% field goal percentage in college so don't doubt me." However we did a bit of research and found that the only field goal he ever attempted was a 20 yard chip shot he barely made. They went for every other 4th down because he was so terrible in practice.
After the interview, Erin Dwayne followed Nugent to his hotel room and spied on him through a window (yeah Erin is a bit of a weirdo) and saw him taking multiple pills of adderall. After he ordered a 200 million dollar sandwich (why is everything so damn expensive in the NSFL?) he proceeded to head out and practice some kicking with his teammates. After he still missed 2/5 30 yard field goals Dwayne Aaron made a funny remark saying "man I should be the team kicker!" It was sarcastic of course but gm PDXBaller was seen adjusting the depth chart later. Nugent was later seen taking more adderall and scribbling down in a notebook "ER is my favorite person in the NSFL". We believe that the absurd amount of adderall he has been taking has had an effect on his mental state, he even bet a couple million dollars on the Yeti winning an ultimus. Because of this, we came up to him and advised him to seek medical help but he just said something about the Yeti being above average. At this point we were extremely concerned but didn't want to anger a man who just bet money on the Yeti. We proceeded to watch the following days practice where Nugent had difficulty walking and he had a Logan Noble jersey on. however it looks like the adderall has helped his field goal kicking skills as he had a record high 28% in practice. We then saw him yelling "TPE gainzzz" at Bobby Ruckus which led to a really awkward conversation where Ruckus would call people random nicknames and Nugent would brag about his TPE. Eventually PDXBaller had to break them up.
Well there you have it folks, between all of this evidence do you think cheating has found its way into the league? Do you think the community will completely overreact and ban the Pythons leading to PDXBaller getting really mad at me for writing this article? (please dont) please tell us your thoughts, as we speak Nugents field goal percentage is steadily rising, he now kicks a career high 34%...
622 Words
READY FOR GRADING
In case anyone is stupid enough to believe this, no it is not. and if you did you're an idiot.
GRADED
Nugent then went on to make a record 2 field goals and a couple extra points. After the game Erin Dwayne, in an interview with Nugent, asked him how he handles being the greatest failure at the kicking position since NFL legend Blair Walsh. He responded saying "I literally had a 100% field goal percentage in college so don't doubt me." However we did a bit of research and found that the only field goal he ever attempted was a 20 yard chip shot he barely made. They went for every other 4th down because he was so terrible in practice.
After the interview, Erin Dwayne followed Nugent to his hotel room and spied on him through a window (yeah Erin is a bit of a weirdo) and saw him taking multiple pills of adderall. After he ordered a 200 million dollar sandwich (why is everything so damn expensive in the NSFL?) he proceeded to head out and practice some kicking with his teammates. After he still missed 2/5 30 yard field goals Dwayne Aaron made a funny remark saying "man I should be the team kicker!" It was sarcastic of course but gm PDXBaller was seen adjusting the depth chart later. Nugent was later seen taking more adderall and scribbling down in a notebook "ER is my favorite person in the NSFL". We believe that the absurd amount of adderall he has been taking has had an effect on his mental state, he even bet a couple million dollars on the Yeti winning an ultimus. Because of this, we came up to him and advised him to seek medical help but he just said something about the Yeti being above average. At this point we were extremely concerned but didn't want to anger a man who just bet money on the Yeti. We proceeded to watch the following days practice where Nugent had difficulty walking and he had a Logan Noble jersey on. however it looks like the adderall has helped his field goal kicking skills as he had a record high 28% in practice. We then saw him yelling "TPE gainzzz" at Bobby Ruckus which led to a really awkward conversation where Ruckus would call people random nicknames and Nugent would brag about his TPE. Eventually PDXBaller had to break them up.
Well there you have it folks, between all of this evidence do you think cheating has found its way into the league? Do you think the community will completely overreact and ban the Pythons leading to PDXBaller getting really mad at me for writing this article? (please dont) please tell us your thoughts, as we speak Nugents field goal percentage is steadily rising, he now kicks a career high 34%...
622 Words
READY FOR GRADING
In case anyone is stupid enough to believe this, no it is not. and if you did you're an idiot.
GRADED
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