03-04-2018, 07:11 AM
(This post was last modified: 03-05-2018, 12:29 AM by Supersquare04.)
I am the one and only Stepvie B, the NSFL's premiere reporter and journalistic authority. I have broken SO MANY STORIES WIDE OPEN that they call me Stevie Wonder because I'm just like Wonder Woman. Hmm....I should copyright that name. Dibs. Regardlessing, it's time for me to talk about the biggest stories in the NSFL this season. And there is not a single greater more important story right now than the San Jose Sabercats.
I know. I know what you're saying. Stevie. How can you look at all these other situationals and decide that THIS is the most important? It's simple. Everyone knew the Orange County Otters were a dominant team. Everyone know the Wraiths were overrated and due for a PRECIPITOUS fall. But nobody..and I mean nobody anywhere on the planet expected the Sabercats to come out and be 6-1 at the halfway point of this season. NO. BODY. It wasn't easy, either. They beat Arizona for the FIRST time in the history of the league AND they did it IN Arizona. They beat Baltimore IN Baltimore. They beat Yellowknife......wherever that town is. THE. SABERCATS. HAVE. BEEN. CRUSHING. EVERYTHING. They are my pick...my choice..my guaranteed undeniable LOCK to be Ultimus Champions this year.
Yes, I understand the skeptics. The Sabercats have never even made the playoffs. They have blown every opportunity before now. THAT is why they're unbeatable. They know the bitter pill of defeat. Darren Smallwood is such a GREAT running back because he knows exactly what it feels like to FAIL SPECTACULARLY as a wide receiver over and over again. Sharpei, Miller, and Bayley are ON FIRE on the defense after all those seasons of attempting to bail out Chris Oroszz because he stopped developing as a quarterback in season 3.
People may ask me how are they going to get past the Otters? DOMINANCE. The Otters are an aging franchise built on waning stars who can't be relied upon anymore. This is a team who's supposedly dominant defense allowed the dysfunctional Colorado yeti to score 17 points on them. That game was so close to breaking for the Yeti but the casual fans and uninformed observers just saw it as a record setting 69 point outburst led by the rapidly regressing Mike Boss and his 8 lucky touchdowns. A very few plays would have changed that game 100%. That’s what people fail to realize. And that’s why people don’t realize the Sabercats are about to run right through the Otters. And Chris Orosz will finally be vindicated after years of naysayers denying his ability.
Moving on to another GAMEBREAKING story, quite a few people have asked me to address a major story from this season regarding the utterly terrible season being had by both Mat Akelsen and King Bronko. Neither one has thrown more touchdowns than interceptions this season and I can only say one thing. I TOLD YOU SO. Bronko has always been a mediocre thrower. ALWAYS. He’s had tremendous receivers that bailed him out and now that he’s down to a glorified pair of slot receivers and the worst Tight End in the game’s history, his true colors are showing. And those colors aren’t the color of the endzone. Ankelson on the other hand is what he always was. A fat lineman pretending to be a quarterback. People point to his running as a sign of his success but it’s nothing but a gimmick. As soon as they figure out how to tackle the waddling donut, his running game will be DONE.The numbers don’t lie. And they spell disaster for his team every time he steps on the field. Both of these quarterbacks are hindrances to their teams and it’s clear neither team can rise above those obstacles. There’s a reason that between them, they have a single 2 point win in the last two weeks.
Let’s talk about the incredible gap between the NSFC and ASFC. The ASFC has DOMINATED the NSFC this season to the disgusting tune of 11-4-1. This proves something I’ve been talking about since season 3. The league is widely out of balance. If the league wasn’t so busy trying to hide the Commissioner’s depraved sexual habits and peeing on prostitutes, they would see what has been happening every year as the gap widens and widens. The entire league needs a shakeup. When a completely talentless team like the Sabercats is dominating the way they have been it should be a WAKEUP CALL! But it hasn’t been. The league just goes along as if nothing is wrong and it’s just okay that the disparity is so bad that the Arizona Outlaws are somehow still winning despite a braindead front office that traded away literally every talent of value. The New Orleans Second Line nearly won a game against Yellowknife IN Yellowknife. They have a rookie quarterback and a runner who could trip over his own feet and have a better rushing average.
THIS is what it’s come to. A group of practically senior citizens, a ragtag bunch of idiots who haven’t couldn’t mount a defense against a cold, an incompetent offense that’s never won a playoff game and a team so terrible they ran AWAY from their city. That’s who’s crushing the competition. That’s INCONCEIVABLE and UNACCEPTABLE! Borkus (a well known slang for PENIS) Maximus III and the New Orleans Legion are the worst team to ever play professional football that i have ever seen and yet they are somehow allowed this kind of success. You heard me. ALLOWED. That’s right. That’s what I’m uncovering from sources who shall REMAIN NAMELESS. The league is swaying refs in order to keep their golden goose nice and plump for the picking. They NEED the ASFC to remain the dominant, unstoppable force it has been as they just cycle teams in and out.
Not that the NSFC is helping itself. I’ve talked before about my absolute favorite player Eric Kennedy and his COMPLETELY OVERRATED year last year. People have tried to argue to me that his running success this season shows how gifted and..get this..”multifaceted” he supposedly is. NO. All it shows is that..and remember I LOVE this man like a SON...he washed out as a flash in the pan. The running success..if you can call it that, is just a smokescreen. He was figured out by every defense in the league except Arizona because they could not find their own ass with a flashlight and a bucket. That’s why his so called “best rushing performance of his career” is utterly devoid of ANY meaning whatsoever.
The Yeti are falling apart at the seams, as I’ve been telling you since the offseason. First they attempted to unseat MY BLOOD BROTHER Nick Pierno, only for social media (led by one brave league journalist) stopped the team from usurping Pierno. I told you about the rookie problems. Now I will give you the breaking news that second year Tight End/Wide Receiver hybrid Carlito Crush has utterly destroyed his own team in a rant that you can find by going to any of the major social media sites. I’ll link you, though.
http://nsfl.jcink.net/index.php?showtopic=...ndpost&p=111627
In the five minute video, Crush rips the bandaid off and shows you EXACTLY what I’ve been saying for months. This team is a shambles. Boss Tweed has wasted the best twelve minutes of his career, and even worse, has been on a bad team so long that STOCKHOLM SYNDROME has made people think he was actually good. He never ever was. Crush isn’t wrong, either. He may be the most talented player in the entire league. Bar none. Quote me on that for the rest of my life. And he has been held back by the weakest passing in league history. One can only imagine how his career would have taken off if he’d had a real quarterback like Alkeson throwing to him. Or Orosz. Or the legendary leading, Mike Boss as he enters his prime right now. TRADE THIS MAN before you waste another career Colorado. Anyone remember Jonathan Saint? Me either.
In other bigtime league news, Dean Jackson continues to be the mill around the neck of the people who drafted him. He’s in the bottom half of extra point percentages and is simply not living up to the utterly stupid first round pick that was used on him by a degenerate gambler and possible money launderer. Don’t be surprised when that comes to light, according to my sources in the law enforcement athletic leagues. A WELL RUN league with an ON THE BALL Commissioner would have put a stop to shady practices like that before they got out of hand and tarnished the reputation of the league. Instead our Head Office is more worried about the fact that they can’t hold onto technical staff within the league offices and trying to give themselves ANOTHER raise. As if they have the requisite passion. Hell..let’s be REAL. The people running this league can’t keep their attitudes in check when thigns happen. They have no level headedness, no ability to calmly discuss issues or have violent discussions on issues.
In fact, I have had more than one person suggest that I should be hired to help run the league. While I lack experience I can tell you that I’d do a better job than these clowns. Not only do I have more passion then the entire Head Office COMBINED, but I’m clearly smarter. I don't think it's just passion. I don't have a natural aversion to confrontation like a lot of folks. This has some benefits. I think most people are used to a head office that doesn't say "I fucked this up" or "this is a problem we need to fix," or even "here's a rule we want to change/add, what do you think?" They do what they wanna do, and if they think people won't like it, they stay quiet. With me as commish, shit gets OUT. There's no secret deals being made. Rules aren't made in a vacuum. So problems SEEM bigger, because they are announced, but that also gets them fixed faster. I genuinely believe this league is better off with me in charge, despite me not being in charge yet, because I want to make shit BETTER. Instead we have a league run by a Commissioner who LITERALLY...LITERALLY called a major sponsor trash, as you most likely recall from when I broke that story.
My final story at the halfway point of this season is the resurgence of runners in the league. Rules were relaxed (after some suspicious voting, according to an inside report from the Owners’ meeting) and the runners have gone wild all over the league. Four different running backs are poised to break 1,000 yards this season after zero did last season. I think it’s clear that it’s far too much, too quickly, and these rules need to be dialed back. The entire league is suffering from this catastrophe. Defenders don’t know what a tackle is anymore. Coaches don’t know how to call plays. Refs are confused when they’re not paid off. It’s all ridiculous. Football is NOT a running sport and yet here we are with this level of INCREDULOUS running going on. It’s time to get back to basics. At this point, I can’t even see anymore than 4-5 receivers going over 100 catches. That’s incredibly wrong. That’s not NSFL league football. And THAT is where I leave you.
As always I appreciate your support. It’s not always easy being the voice of reason and truth in a league that ACTIVELY tries to shut down any sign of dissent form their TYRANNICAL REIGN OF TERROR. I love you all. Special shout out to my best friend in the entire world, Trey Willie. None of this would be possible if it wasn’t for you and the times we shared. The NSFL is a better place because we all care about it and we will eventually overthrow the insensical leaders at the top.
I know. I know what you're saying. Stevie. How can you look at all these other situationals and decide that THIS is the most important? It's simple. Everyone knew the Orange County Otters were a dominant team. Everyone know the Wraiths were overrated and due for a PRECIPITOUS fall. But nobody..and I mean nobody anywhere on the planet expected the Sabercats to come out and be 6-1 at the halfway point of this season. NO. BODY. It wasn't easy, either. They beat Arizona for the FIRST time in the history of the league AND they did it IN Arizona. They beat Baltimore IN Baltimore. They beat Yellowknife......wherever that town is. THE. SABERCATS. HAVE. BEEN. CRUSHING. EVERYTHING. They are my pick...my choice..my guaranteed undeniable LOCK to be Ultimus Champions this year.
Yes, I understand the skeptics. The Sabercats have never even made the playoffs. They have blown every opportunity before now. THAT is why they're unbeatable. They know the bitter pill of defeat. Darren Smallwood is such a GREAT running back because he knows exactly what it feels like to FAIL SPECTACULARLY as a wide receiver over and over again. Sharpei, Miller, and Bayley are ON FIRE on the defense after all those seasons of attempting to bail out Chris Oroszz because he stopped developing as a quarterback in season 3.
People may ask me how are they going to get past the Otters? DOMINANCE. The Otters are an aging franchise built on waning stars who can't be relied upon anymore. This is a team who's supposedly dominant defense allowed the dysfunctional Colorado yeti to score 17 points on them. That game was so close to breaking for the Yeti but the casual fans and uninformed observers just saw it as a record setting 69 point outburst led by the rapidly regressing Mike Boss and his 8 lucky touchdowns. A very few plays would have changed that game 100%. That’s what people fail to realize. And that’s why people don’t realize the Sabercats are about to run right through the Otters. And Chris Orosz will finally be vindicated after years of naysayers denying his ability.
Moving on to another GAMEBREAKING story, quite a few people have asked me to address a major story from this season regarding the utterly terrible season being had by both Mat Akelsen and King Bronko. Neither one has thrown more touchdowns than interceptions this season and I can only say one thing. I TOLD YOU SO. Bronko has always been a mediocre thrower. ALWAYS. He’s had tremendous receivers that bailed him out and now that he’s down to a glorified pair of slot receivers and the worst Tight End in the game’s history, his true colors are showing. And those colors aren’t the color of the endzone. Ankelson on the other hand is what he always was. A fat lineman pretending to be a quarterback. People point to his running as a sign of his success but it’s nothing but a gimmick. As soon as they figure out how to tackle the waddling donut, his running game will be DONE.The numbers don’t lie. And they spell disaster for his team every time he steps on the field. Both of these quarterbacks are hindrances to their teams and it’s clear neither team can rise above those obstacles. There’s a reason that between them, they have a single 2 point win in the last two weeks.
Let’s talk about the incredible gap between the NSFC and ASFC. The ASFC has DOMINATED the NSFC this season to the disgusting tune of 11-4-1. This proves something I’ve been talking about since season 3. The league is widely out of balance. If the league wasn’t so busy trying to hide the Commissioner’s depraved sexual habits and peeing on prostitutes, they would see what has been happening every year as the gap widens and widens. The entire league needs a shakeup. When a completely talentless team like the Sabercats is dominating the way they have been it should be a WAKEUP CALL! But it hasn’t been. The league just goes along as if nothing is wrong and it’s just okay that the disparity is so bad that the Arizona Outlaws are somehow still winning despite a braindead front office that traded away literally every talent of value. The New Orleans Second Line nearly won a game against Yellowknife IN Yellowknife. They have a rookie quarterback and a runner who could trip over his own feet and have a better rushing average.
THIS is what it’s come to. A group of practically senior citizens, a ragtag bunch of idiots who haven’t couldn’t mount a defense against a cold, an incompetent offense that’s never won a playoff game and a team so terrible they ran AWAY from their city. That’s who’s crushing the competition. That’s INCONCEIVABLE and UNACCEPTABLE! Borkus (a well known slang for PENIS) Maximus III and the New Orleans Legion are the worst team to ever play professional football that i have ever seen and yet they are somehow allowed this kind of success. You heard me. ALLOWED. That’s right. That’s what I’m uncovering from sources who shall REMAIN NAMELESS. The league is swaying refs in order to keep their golden goose nice and plump for the picking. They NEED the ASFC to remain the dominant, unstoppable force it has been as they just cycle teams in and out.
Not that the NSFC is helping itself. I’ve talked before about my absolute favorite player Eric Kennedy and his COMPLETELY OVERRATED year last year. People have tried to argue to me that his running success this season shows how gifted and..get this..”multifaceted” he supposedly is. NO. All it shows is that..and remember I LOVE this man like a SON...he washed out as a flash in the pan. The running success..if you can call it that, is just a smokescreen. He was figured out by every defense in the league except Arizona because they could not find their own ass with a flashlight and a bucket. That’s why his so called “best rushing performance of his career” is utterly devoid of ANY meaning whatsoever.
The Yeti are falling apart at the seams, as I’ve been telling you since the offseason. First they attempted to unseat MY BLOOD BROTHER Nick Pierno, only for social media (led by one brave league journalist) stopped the team from usurping Pierno. I told you about the rookie problems. Now I will give you the breaking news that second year Tight End/Wide Receiver hybrid Carlito Crush has utterly destroyed his own team in a rant that you can find by going to any of the major social media sites. I’ll link you, though.
http://nsfl.jcink.net/index.php?showtopic=...ndpost&p=111627
In the five minute video, Crush rips the bandaid off and shows you EXACTLY what I’ve been saying for months. This team is a shambles. Boss Tweed has wasted the best twelve minutes of his career, and even worse, has been on a bad team so long that STOCKHOLM SYNDROME has made people think he was actually good. He never ever was. Crush isn’t wrong, either. He may be the most talented player in the entire league. Bar none. Quote me on that for the rest of my life. And he has been held back by the weakest passing in league history. One can only imagine how his career would have taken off if he’d had a real quarterback like Alkeson throwing to him. Or Orosz. Or the legendary leading, Mike Boss as he enters his prime right now. TRADE THIS MAN before you waste another career Colorado. Anyone remember Jonathan Saint? Me either.
In other bigtime league news, Dean Jackson continues to be the mill around the neck of the people who drafted him. He’s in the bottom half of extra point percentages and is simply not living up to the utterly stupid first round pick that was used on him by a degenerate gambler and possible money launderer. Don’t be surprised when that comes to light, according to my sources in the law enforcement athletic leagues. A WELL RUN league with an ON THE BALL Commissioner would have put a stop to shady practices like that before they got out of hand and tarnished the reputation of the league. Instead our Head Office is more worried about the fact that they can’t hold onto technical staff within the league offices and trying to give themselves ANOTHER raise. As if they have the requisite passion. Hell..let’s be REAL. The people running this league can’t keep their attitudes in check when thigns happen. They have no level headedness, no ability to calmly discuss issues or have violent discussions on issues.
In fact, I have had more than one person suggest that I should be hired to help run the league. While I lack experience I can tell you that I’d do a better job than these clowns. Not only do I have more passion then the entire Head Office COMBINED, but I’m clearly smarter. I don't think it's just passion. I don't have a natural aversion to confrontation like a lot of folks. This has some benefits. I think most people are used to a head office that doesn't say "I fucked this up" or "this is a problem we need to fix," or even "here's a rule we want to change/add, what do you think?" They do what they wanna do, and if they think people won't like it, they stay quiet. With me as commish, shit gets OUT. There's no secret deals being made. Rules aren't made in a vacuum. So problems SEEM bigger, because they are announced, but that also gets them fixed faster. I genuinely believe this league is better off with me in charge, despite me not being in charge yet, because I want to make shit BETTER. Instead we have a league run by a Commissioner who LITERALLY...LITERALLY called a major sponsor trash, as you most likely recall from when I broke that story.
My final story at the halfway point of this season is the resurgence of runners in the league. Rules were relaxed (after some suspicious voting, according to an inside report from the Owners’ meeting) and the runners have gone wild all over the league. Four different running backs are poised to break 1,000 yards this season after zero did last season. I think it’s clear that it’s far too much, too quickly, and these rules need to be dialed back. The entire league is suffering from this catastrophe. Defenders don’t know what a tackle is anymore. Coaches don’t know how to call plays. Refs are confused when they’re not paid off. It’s all ridiculous. Football is NOT a running sport and yet here we are with this level of INCREDULOUS running going on. It’s time to get back to basics. At this point, I can’t even see anymore than 4-5 receivers going over 100 catches. That’s incredibly wrong. That’s not NSFL league football. And THAT is where I leave you.
As always I appreciate your support. It’s not always easy being the voice of reason and truth in a league that ACTIVELY tries to shut down any sign of dissent form their TYRANNICAL REIGN OF TERROR. I love you all. Special shout out to my best friend in the entire world, Trey Willie. None of this would be possible if it wasn’t for you and the times we shared. The NSFL is a better place because we all care about it and we will eventually overthrow the insensical leaders at the top.
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