This is my first year playing with AC Hackett, as he came over to Denver in the offseason. And while he and Johnathon Saint would take a little time to work things out on the practice field, AC and WhoDat were clearly on the same page from the beginning off of it. This was made clear to me on the very first day of training camp.
The air was clean and fresh, the Rocky Mountains looming imperiously on the horizon, the scent of mowed grass in the air. It was also hot as balls. I strapped on my helmet, hopped on my bike, and started the short trek to the Yeti facilities to get the season started off on the right foot. Much to my surprise, I was not the first person to arrive at the locker room that day. (I say “first person” because Boss Tweed has shown every indication that he’s not really a person. He’s more like some sort of cybernetically enhanced lifeform, whose species will probably eliminate the human race one day. He usually beats me there, and has presumably been running laps since the end of last season.) Saint and Hackett were already there, waiting for me, a menacing, hungry look on the face of Johnathon, while AC sat back and pretended not to notice me. I called out to them, suppressing my growing consternation at their unusual presence. “What’s up, fellas? You’re here early.” They put their heads together, tittering quietly amongst themselves, neglecting to return my greeting. Tee hee, tee hee. They had gotten there quite early, and they must have had a plan for quite a while. They had a little gift waiting for me.
And by “little gift,” I mean “larger-than-life-sized poster of me in my younger days participating in some… ahem… recreational activities that I used to enjoy.” My eyes grew wide, and for a moment, my fight-or-flight response kicked into high gear. What have I done to deserve this? I wondered. What fresh hell hath the gods wrought on this day?!
Here’s a smaller version, for all the world to bear witness:
![[Image: larp11.jpg]](http://ruthlessreviews.com/pics4/larp/larp11.jpg)
You may not recognize me immediately. That’s because I’m not showing my face. That’s right; I’m the gray fox. “Kitsune” is the name I used back then in our LARPing sessions. (For those of you who don’t know, LARP stands for live action roleplay. You basically dress up as a character and go act out whatever fantastical plots you and your compatriots agree on.) This was a pastime of mine for years, even after I found football. You still might catch me doing it in the offseason, if the mood strikes.
You may have also heard of a person being referred to as a “furry.” This is a subculture with an even more… questionable… reputation in the general public. But I can assure you, we don’t all just get together and yiff (that is, have sex with other furries) all day. I mean, sometimes. But not always. Rather, we like to dress up and run around and generally get up to light mischief and good conversation. And there’s nothing to keep you from being both a furry and a LARPer (except maybe your pride). You can be a LARPing furry. I promise. You can. I’ve walked that path. I’ve lived that life.
Aaaaanywhoozle, this was the photo waiting for me and the rest of the locker room when I showed up on the first day of training camp. Me. In full costume. Dressed as a fox. Playing pretend. At first, I was mortified. I rushed to try and get the photo down from the ceiling, but they must have hung it up with some kind of transmutation magic. It was fastened tight. After a moment of rushing around the room, frantically squealing and plotting my secret and swift revenge, I calmed myself.
I collected my thoughts enough to finally respond coherently, “HAHAHA, HILARIOUS PRANK, GUYS. Except you know what? It’s backfired. Because now, I’m taking it all the way. I’ve got a new pregame ritual…”
And it involves these:
![[Image: 61Cr9HeCFmL._UX385_.jpg]](https://images-na.ssl-images-amazon.com/images/I/61Cr9HeCFmL._UX385_.jpg)
THAT’S RIGHT, BITCHES, I’M GOING FULL FOX.
So now, I invite any member of the media to come watch our pregame warmups, where I will be entering the field wearing fox ears and a tail. I will be completing all drills, meetings, and pregame press events with these little additions to my usual getup, and this will continue until…
wait for it…
the Yeti win a game! That’s right, ladies and gentlemen. Until my team is able to scrape together a win, Kitsune will be making his return to the limelight.
Moreover, I will be performing fox-like activities for fan photo opportunities, including, but not limited to: frolicking, leaping, growling, prancing, barking, self-grooming, making cute curious faces, and curling up adorably at your feet. All of these will be provided to the public for the low, low price of my dignity.
Thank you, Johnathon and AC, for inspiring me to truly make a difference. And to you and the rest of my teammates, if you want it to end -- if you don’t want to be known as the team with the crazy-ass fox guy who’s always running around screaming, “WHAT DOES THE FOX SAY?” -- then I suggest you pull your shit together and find a way to get us a win. Because I’m serious. I will not stop this. I. Will. Not. Stop.
Haruki Ishigawa
Word count: 911 (Never forget)
The air was clean and fresh, the Rocky Mountains looming imperiously on the horizon, the scent of mowed grass in the air. It was also hot as balls. I strapped on my helmet, hopped on my bike, and started the short trek to the Yeti facilities to get the season started off on the right foot. Much to my surprise, I was not the first person to arrive at the locker room that day. (I say “first person” because Boss Tweed has shown every indication that he’s not really a person. He’s more like some sort of cybernetically enhanced lifeform, whose species will probably eliminate the human race one day. He usually beats me there, and has presumably been running laps since the end of last season.) Saint and Hackett were already there, waiting for me, a menacing, hungry look on the face of Johnathon, while AC sat back and pretended not to notice me. I called out to them, suppressing my growing consternation at their unusual presence. “What’s up, fellas? You’re here early.” They put their heads together, tittering quietly amongst themselves, neglecting to return my greeting. Tee hee, tee hee. They had gotten there quite early, and they must have had a plan for quite a while. They had a little gift waiting for me.
And by “little gift,” I mean “larger-than-life-sized poster of me in my younger days participating in some… ahem… recreational activities that I used to enjoy.” My eyes grew wide, and for a moment, my fight-or-flight response kicked into high gear. What have I done to deserve this? I wondered. What fresh hell hath the gods wrought on this day?!
Here’s a smaller version, for all the world to bear witness:
You may not recognize me immediately. That’s because I’m not showing my face. That’s right; I’m the gray fox. “Kitsune” is the name I used back then in our LARPing sessions. (For those of you who don’t know, LARP stands for live action roleplay. You basically dress up as a character and go act out whatever fantastical plots you and your compatriots agree on.) This was a pastime of mine for years, even after I found football. You still might catch me doing it in the offseason, if the mood strikes.
You may have also heard of a person being referred to as a “furry.” This is a subculture with an even more… questionable… reputation in the general public. But I can assure you, we don’t all just get together and yiff (that is, have sex with other furries) all day. I mean, sometimes. But not always. Rather, we like to dress up and run around and generally get up to light mischief and good conversation. And there’s nothing to keep you from being both a furry and a LARPer (except maybe your pride). You can be a LARPing furry. I promise. You can. I’ve walked that path. I’ve lived that life.
Aaaaanywhoozle, this was the photo waiting for me and the rest of the locker room when I showed up on the first day of training camp. Me. In full costume. Dressed as a fox. Playing pretend. At first, I was mortified. I rushed to try and get the photo down from the ceiling, but they must have hung it up with some kind of transmutation magic. It was fastened tight. After a moment of rushing around the room, frantically squealing and plotting my secret and swift revenge, I calmed myself.
I collected my thoughts enough to finally respond coherently, “HAHAHA, HILARIOUS PRANK, GUYS. Except you know what? It’s backfired. Because now, I’m taking it all the way. I’ve got a new pregame ritual…”
And it involves these:
THAT’S RIGHT, BITCHES, I’M GOING FULL FOX.
So now, I invite any member of the media to come watch our pregame warmups, where I will be entering the field wearing fox ears and a tail. I will be completing all drills, meetings, and pregame press events with these little additions to my usual getup, and this will continue until…
wait for it…
the Yeti win a game! That’s right, ladies and gentlemen. Until my team is able to scrape together a win, Kitsune will be making his return to the limelight.
Moreover, I will be performing fox-like activities for fan photo opportunities, including, but not limited to: frolicking, leaping, growling, prancing, barking, self-grooming, making cute curious faces, and curling up adorably at your feet. All of these will be provided to the public for the low, low price of my dignity.
Thank you, Johnathon and AC, for inspiring me to truly make a difference. And to you and the rest of my teammates, if you want it to end -- if you don’t want to be known as the team with the crazy-ass fox guy who’s always running around screaming, “WHAT DOES THE FOX SAY?” -- then I suggest you pull your shit together and find a way to get us a win. Because I’m serious. I will not stop this. I. Will. Not. Stop.
Haruki Ishigawa
Word count: 911 (Never forget)
![[Image: cHAD.jpg]](https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/319945672310784010/405609245862658059/cHAD.jpg)
![[Image: 6hZAKzh.png]](https://imgur.com/6hZAKzh.png)
![[Image: 3d7OXaO.png]](https://imgur.com/3d7OXaO.png)
![[Image: HzftG7t.gif]](https://i.imgur.com/HzftG7t.gif)
![[Image: YltEe9n.png]](https://i.imgur.com/YltEe9n.png)
![[Image: 24-win-MVP.png]](https://i.postimg.cc/h48H8mVk/24-win-MVP.png)
![[Image: TBFYuND.png]](https://i.imgur.com/TBFYuND.png)
![[Image: KBSOmDX.png]](http://i.imgur.com/KBSOmDX.png)
![[Image: bzerkap.gif]](https://sig.grumpybumpers.com/host/bzerkap.gif)
![[Image: bxKqp91.png]](https://i.imgur.com/bxKqp91.png)
Jurisprudence Jones, OL ![[Image: cYhSwFY.png]](https://i.imgur.com/cYhSwFY.png)
