*Tegan Atwell FINALLY speaks

[Jiggly_333]

Code:

10 points to whatever house notices the much more subtle satire here than in Archon's gross piece of shit

When Tegan Atwell was drafted, she became only the second woman to play in the NSFL. Not only that, but she also became the first to be drafted first round and the first to win a championship. And even after all that, she's finally come out to the media as lesbian.

"Will you guys stop annoying me now?"

She sits in the Otters training room after a work out, wearing a tank top and yoga pants. She may have just finished a workout, but her hair seems to have miraculously stayed together. Her sweat glistens as she begins to speak.

"... I just wanted to finally put it out there. I was going to say something earlier, but I figured I should save it until after we won the Ultimus. Then we lost the Ultimus, but I feel like I should still make it official."

While only officially coming out to the media now, Atwell's orientation wasn't news to any of her teammates. In fact, it was a widely known secret throughout the league and many players were just waiting for her to actually say something in the press.

In other news, she's planning to be a Free Agent and is switching position to Wide Receiver, making her the first woman in a skill position and the first LGBT player in the same position.

"Yeah, I was watching the other side of the team out there and felt that I wanted to go do that. I got a taste of it this season and I'm not going back. I just wanted to finally put it out there..."



(Thank you to KGR/Stone Hans for the new sig)

[Jiggly_333]

I was going to try to find a way to fit this into the piece, but I couldn't do it without breaking the joke, so here's my Top 3 destinations for any wondering GMs:

1.
2.
3.

[kckolbe]

"Will you guys stop annoying me now?"

Did this motherfucker just ask if we'd stop annoying him?

[timeconsumer]

Did this motherfucker just ask if we'd stop annoying him?

I heard Tegan Atwell got second one game.

[7hawk77]

I'm not even an otter and I thought this was already common knowledge.