(S1) - Weekend PT #3 - Coach Speak

[timeconsumer]

Right after the draft, at the first team meeting, Coach Shaka walked into the room holding a football. He walked to the front and stood there for what seemed like forever. It was awkward, silent, people were wondering what was going on, as Coach just stood there scanning the room, looking everyone directly in the eye. Finally, he took the football, held it up in the air and said "This is the most important thing. Never let it go. Always fight to take it." Unfortunately Mike Boss missed that first meeting. B)

It was clear from that moment the kind of team Coach was trying to build. We threw out all the spread formations and vertical routes we had learned all through college. This was a game built on possession, strength, field position, and raw speed. Coach Shaka knew how to keep us focused on his grand scheme. We didn't watch film, we pushed prowlers. We didn't practice play action, we practiced contact.

When a guy screws up, it doesn't take a speech from Coach to get him back in line. We call it "the stare". In practice when I miss a block, I can feel his eyes burning a hole into the back of my head. I turn around and stare into the mirrored sunglasses, and he mouths the word "Again." I've never missed 2 blocks in a row.

[Stormblessed]

Our coach is a bit of a pussy. He always plays by the rules, and I mean always. What’s the harm in cheating a little bit? Every practice, I devise a new way to cheat and every practice, he says no. What’s up his butt?

We had a nice long conversation after I showed him a 30 slide presentation on the benefits of steroids as it relates to athletic performance. He kept yapping on about “fair play” and “danger to players” as if that matters. I was under the impression that winning is the only important thing. Apparently not?

Last Thursday he and I sat down in his office and AGAIN I tried to educate him on the benefits of taping the Otters practices for when we play them next, and AGAIN he told me he wanted to “win fair, or not at all.” Can you believe this bull?

What are the consequences? The NSFL head office won’t do anything besides give us a slap on the wrist. Especially for a first offense! And they certainly won’t revoke our wins.

How hard is it to bribe a Yeti employee to “lose” a playbook? There are so many ways to gain an edge and apparently our coach refuses to entertain any of them.

So yes, our coach is a bit of a pussy.

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[White Cornerback]

Coach Nuck. Maybe it's destiny or just pure coincidence that this guy is the Wraiths coach. He plays the part that's for sure. I'm one of the new guys in this league so obviously I'm a little underdeveloped compared to most of the guys who went through training camp. Day 1: I got called into the GM's office. I didn't know what to expect, in my head I'm answering questions and reciting answers in my head. I take a seat, look up at coach Nuck behind the desk. Just as I'm about to open my mouth, he slides a clipboard across the desk to me. I take a quick look, what's this for I ask? He gestures to flip it over and read it. In big bold writing reads DERMOT LAVELLE SEASON 1 GOAL CHECKLIST. Is this for real? Coach Nuck nodded and sent me on my way. I didn't even hear this guy speak and I already know what he expects of me for this season, if that ain't a motivator I don't know what is. Talk about motivation through actions not words. I imagine he does this for all of the other players... right? This isn't some secret task he' put me on right? I don't wanna mention this to the other guys incase they think I've made this all up.

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[7hawk77]

So we have two coaches for the San Jose Sabercats.

Perkules is more of the behind the scenes kind of guy and dealt more with recruitment and depth chart/placement
. He helped hand pick the players and came up with the strategy for the san jose sabercats. We all believed in his vision, lately the coach has had to deal with some problem off the field and it seems to be effecting his ability to be present. The team doesn't want to disclose anything personal but we hope everything works out for him because he is a good guy.

In light of this, our hands on coach has been CK Royal. He's really stepped up and is trying to make changes when some things need to change. He is definitely pushing us to be the best players we can be and he is someone that I personally look up to. Recently he had to make a very tought decision to part ways with one of our great DT to get a QB due to some mediocre performances from Jameis Christ. Even though our team is doing poorly, he's staying positive and looking ahead and because of that, we will follow, triumph and be formidable in the future.

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[Sanctus]

[Roshambo]

(I'm not very good, but I do love puns.)

[Bwestfield]

[theFlock]

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[Ghostspeed]

I have been blessed by some great coaches and until I became a pro they all seemed to be quite happy and generally impressed with the skills I have either brought to them or developed under them until now. The Baltimore Hawks Receivers Coach is a former player and XFL champion Turnell McDonald.
Coach McDonald is originally from Maryland even though he went to Kansas State. He's a task master, whose demands are high and is really very high strung and emotional.
He wears his XFL Championship ring proudly and is quick to show it off and let us know that it was a better league and he was a much better reciever than any MF'r in this league. This is usually paraphrased as "I'm the REAL MF'r."
If during practice a drill you ran wasn't up to his standards. Usually sounds like this...
"MuthaF'ng Big bird" , that would be me Cooper Christmas. I know this cause Damien Wild is always called "Dammit Muthafkr", and Ryan Lecavalier is referred to as "Fkin'Lemon". I have no idea where these endearing names came from but, it's a good thing as coach has a lazy eye that makes it difficult to tell exactly who the hell he's yelling at without the the identifying name. To compound this problem coach loves to point at the offending player but unfortunately his pointer finger was broken six times between his XFL and CFL playing days and it's pretty badly twisted. So this doesn't help the situation.
I.E.;
"I can't believe what I am seeing you sloppy ass Mutha Fucker You fk'd up tha route ...it was a 8 yard IN!!....Why? ..Why?"
Now he could be referring to Damien or Ryan or myself. But, with the applicable nickname it's so much easier and just makes practice Sooo much smoother.
"I can't believe what I am seeing you sloppy ass Mutha Fucker You fk'd up tha route ...it was a 8 yard IN!!....Why? ..DammitMuthafkrWhy?"
See what I mean.
Hey, here's a shot of Coach McDonalds ring. We had it inscribed for him with "I'm the REAL MF'r"

[Molarpistols]

I don't think he knows it's supposed to be "You ought to make that play!"