(S1) - Weekend PT #3 - Coach Speak

[PigSnout]

Coach's slogan for us is pretty basic: "Ascend". It's kind of a play on the high elevation of our stadium since teams have to literally ascend to reach our stadium. The meaning is for us to keep improving. Think you have a high rating? Improve and ascend to a higher rating. Think you had a good game? Ascend and have an even better game next week. Think the team has a good record? Win some more games and ascend to a better record. It is important for us players to remember coach's words and never grow complacent so that we can continue to improve and become even better. Because of this, I have created a graphic so that we can always remember coach's signature slogan:

[automatic]

Shaka (The Otters current Coach, GM, defensive tackle, and guiding star) is a totally different coach. This man is hyper organized. When he took over midseason, he has already shaken up the organization to a critical level. His first day, the breakout room whiteboard was all meticulously copied with a "The state of the Otter's Franchise" thesis. This important document outlined for every Fighting Otter, how to deal with each team. This document was so valuable, Logan Noble of the Colorado Yeti, attempted to send his undercover football information gathering specialist "the Deflator" into the Otters locker room in an attempt to acquire access, photos of the secret document, and plant listening devices. Luckily for the Otters, Stanislaw Maddox is incredibly prejusticed against men with ridiculous nicknames, and proceeded to strip search the Deflator upon entry into the locker room. At this point, listening devices and a handheld receiver were discovered on his person, and the subject was ejected from the Otters locker room in a friendly and agreeable manner, through a window which was currently half open. Legislation is currently pending against Mr. Noble for his attempted subterfuge, althought the court's docket is expected to dismiss the case on the grounds of the Otters being cool.

[Law]

[adam2552]

This sign hangs in the locker room. It is above the players exit, Outlaws players are known to jump to smack the sign on their way out on to the gridiron. While some may say that this sign idea was stolen from a major university, others defend that as being exactly what an Outlaw would do.

[Esa77]

Outlaws coach King Bronko has a great mind for the game. He's always looking at film and coming up with new plays. We as players have a lot of confidence in him and know he can lead us to a championship. Like any team though sometimes the players become unmotivated at points in the season, so we need something to jump start us. Besides his usual pep talks our coach brings in Strippers before the game to get us all fired up! These aren't any old strippers. These are girls from Arizona State University, which is know to have the hottest college women in the entire country. Our coach hand picks them and pays them a ton of money to come to our games and strip for the team. This happens right before we go out for kick off. It's a good thing we're all wearing cups, otherwise we might have some pitched tents on the field. Anyway, seeing boobs before the game makes us remember why we're doing this in the first place, to get tons of ass and be a champion, which go hand in hand. So we go out there and play our best because we have boobs on the brain. It's quite genius. King Bronko is a real innovator. I'm not sure if this is legal, but at 5-3 it seems to be working.

[SimmerDownBruhh]

[Vikain]

The coaches for the Colorado Yeti are the coaches every player dreams about having especially in the big leagues. They possess both the love of the game and the knowledge for it, that they feel comfortable to give and teach what they know onto to the players. They sit and discuss with players to understand how to truly utilize them in the best way. “They are very thorough, I feel like every time we sit and discuss about my play or we watch the tapes, I get an understanding on how to improve as a player. And that as a rookie is very important.” said Vikian Marmeladov who has been one of many young players whose game have impressed many. Many of the coaches are young men themselves, and maybe that is one of the reasons they are having such success with these young players. “We try to keep things simple. A lot of these guys are very good at football and all we really work on is just little fundamentals that maybe they tend to slip away from or just forget. Many coaches out there sorta try to stay away from instinct, they tend to tell their players here's the play, stick with it. For us we give them options and they have to read and communicate with one another so they are on the same page.” says Don Johnson the Defensive Coordinator of the Yetis.

[Kendrick]

[Muford]

The offensive line coach for the Baltimore Hawks is a very intense, over achieving, crazy man. Coach is always pushing the line to achieve bigger and better things, but at any means necessary. He’ll have the line out there day and night, working us like dogs. I can’t say that I hate the man for it, but I can’t say I love him either. The thing that kills me the most is just last night, he had us tied up and pulling the damn team bus! I’m telling you guys, I’m pretty sure we probably shouldn’t do that, I mean that’s how injuries occur.

But man oh man, he knows what to say to get you motivated! It doesn’t matter if you are having a horrible day, or if nothing seems to be going right, he always knows to pick you up and has a sixth sense of when something is bothering you and you don’t even say anything! He always likes to push me to my limit, and I cannot thank him enough for it. Without Coach here, I feel I would be just lost in the trenches against the defense and other defenses around the league. He lives in the tape room, watching how we use our hands and makes sure that we are always on top of technique. I am lucky to be able to play for such a guy!

(233 words)

[deadendpath27]

"There is no I in 'team' but there is a U in 'cunt.' So don't be little jealous cunts, okay?"