EDITOR’S DISCLAIMER: BuzzSim is a 100% serious news organization that strives to set the standard for journalistic integrity for the national and international community while delivering evidence based and peer reviewed content to it’s dozens of readers. Please take us seriously. Thank you.
Welcome to this week’s edition of BuzzSim Investigations! In this series, our industry-leading investigative journalists and licensed private investigators dive deeper than any other news agency is willing to go! We go so deep that you’ll be thinking “Wow, I wish they didn’t go so deep.” Last week, we brought you the exclusive earth shattering inside look into the intimately personal lives of the NSFL players with the cutest butts! If you want to read all about one player’s nasty breakup, be sure to check it out.
EDITOR’S DISCLAIMER: If you think our investigative tabloid journalism infringes on people’s right to privacy, remember that the 1st Amendment grants us freedom of the press, which means we can do whatever we want all the time no matter what and you can’t sue us.
This week, we’ll be diving into the story behind the meteoric rise and fall of the short-lived DSFL expansion team, the Austin Hippie Hicks.
BuzzSim Exclusive Fun Fact: The Austin Hippie Hicks existed for exactly 41 minutes before being disbanded! Wow!
Mike McGaggin and Bork Borkington had a dream: To create their very own expansion NSFL team. What they hadn’t realized was how expensive it was to do that. They had not anticipated how immense the costs were to get the land for the stadium, to pay for the stadium, to pay for the licensing and trademarks, and to get together enough money to actually pay the players and employees.
Mike and Bork decided they needed to first focus on securing funding for their team. They decided to split up, each identifying and negotiating with potential investors independently in order to cover more ground faster. This was mistake number one.
Mike McGaggin decided to approach Texan native and billionaire Tom Hicks (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tom_Hicks). This was mistake number two.
Bork Borkington figured it would be best to approach the city of Austin directly to see if they could get funding from the city for their new team. This was mistake number three.
Tom Hicks has a long history of sports management, previously owning 50% of the English soccer club Liverpool F.C., baseball team the Texas Rangers, hockey team the Dallas Stars, and the rodeo Mesquite ProRodeo. He has since retired, but Mike and Bork figured that the Texan native would be able to help them out, seeing as he had a plethora of sports management and ownership experience.
Hicks agreed to serve as a chief consultant for Mike and Bork to get their team up and running, and he even offered to cover the entire cost of starting up the new team. Hicks just asked for one thing in return: He wanted the team to be named after him.
You see, the 71 year old retired Tom Hicks was not happy with his career. He owned teams but wasn’t known as a sports owner, and he was very aware that he didn’t belong in the same tier of sports owners such as Robert Kraft, the Rooney family, Jerry Buss, Walter Brown, or Conn Smythe. Hicks wanted legacy. He wanted his name to be remembered, and he saw this is an opportunity to do just that.
Mike was ecstatic. He had just landed not only an expert chief consultant in the field of sports ownership and management, but he had also gotten funding for the entire team! All he had to do was sign on the dotted line, which he did. The Austin Hicks wasn’t that bad of a name after all, was it?
Meanwhile, Bork had gotten his meeting with the city of Austin. With the expectation of increasing tourism revenue and helping local businesses, the city of Austin had agreed to help fund the new team! The Austin legislature would even help by giving Mike and Bork some city-owned land. This land happened to come from land previously belonging to Hippie Hollow Park, a nudist beach on the shore of Lake Travis.
BuzzSim Exclusive Fun Fact: Hippie Hollow Park is the only legally-recognized “clothing optional” public park in the entire State of Texas! Awesome!
The acquisition of the land for the new stadium made Bork feel an elation he had never felt before. In his excitement, he came up with a team name on the spot and yelled it out in front of the entire Austin General Assembly: “We should be called the Austin Hippies! After Hippie Hollow Park!” The Austin General Assembly almost unanimously agreed, and Bork left the meeting.
It was at this moment that Mike and Bork decided to call each other.
Mike exclaimed he had secured funding and a top-level consultant, but that the contract stated the team had to be named “Hicks.”
Bork retorted that he had gotten free land from the city of Austin for the stadium, but that the entire Austin General Assembly wanted the name to be the “Hippies.”
They were at an impasse. Or were they?
“Uh… what about the Hippie Hicks?” Asked Mike incredulously.
The rest of the story we are all familiar with. Mike and Bork officially announced the name of the new DSFL expansion team: The Austin Hippie Hicks. Immediately, the announcement was met with bewilderment. “What is a Hippie Hick?” “They aren’t actually gonna let a team be named the Hippie Hicks are they?”
41 minutes later, the commissioners officially vetoed the name.
Bork and Mike were laughing stocks. The city of Austin was worried that it would look bad, so it quickly held a media press conference officially placing all of the blame on Bork and Mike, claiming the name had been all their idea and that it was “ridiculous” and “offensive” to the people of Austin. The next day, Bork and Mike were chased out of the city by angry Austinites.
Despite facing league-wide ridicule, they didn’t forget their dream. They were going to create their very own expansion team, and nothing was going to get in their way. They fled to San Antonio, where they were able to secure funding from the department store Marshalls for their new team: The San Antonio Marshals.
Even though it only lasted 41 minutes, the Austin Hippie Hicks was an extremely important moment for the NSFL. Did the commissioners overstep their powers by vetoing a team name? Was Austin legally in the right to blame Bork and Mike for the failure of the Hippie Hicks and run them out of town? And whose fault was it, exactly? Was it Bork and Mikes, or Hicks and Austins?
Nonetheless, you cannot tell the story of the NSFL without the Austin Hippie Hicks.
[div align=\\\"center\\\"]RIP Austin Hippie Hicks
Born 8:31 PM EST August 5, 2017 – Died 9:12 PM EST August 5, 2017[/div]
Please join us for the official Austin Hippie Hicks memorial service at Hippie Hollow Park this Saturday at noon, sponsored by BuzzSim. Clothing optional.
(1178 words, ready to grade)
Graded
Welcome to this week’s edition of BuzzSim Investigations! In this series, our industry-leading investigative journalists and licensed private investigators dive deeper than any other news agency is willing to go! We go so deep that you’ll be thinking “Wow, I wish they didn’t go so deep.” Last week, we brought you the exclusive earth shattering inside look into the intimately personal lives of the NSFL players with the cutest butts! If you want to read all about one player’s nasty breakup, be sure to check it out.
EDITOR’S DISCLAIMER: If you think our investigative tabloid journalism infringes on people’s right to privacy, remember that the 1st Amendment grants us freedom of the press, which means we can do whatever we want all the time no matter what and you can’t sue us.
This week, we’ll be diving into the story behind the meteoric rise and fall of the short-lived DSFL expansion team, the Austin Hippie Hicks.
BuzzSim Exclusive Fun Fact: The Austin Hippie Hicks existed for exactly 41 minutes before being disbanded! Wow!
Mike McGaggin and Bork Borkington had a dream: To create their very own expansion NSFL team. What they hadn’t realized was how expensive it was to do that. They had not anticipated how immense the costs were to get the land for the stadium, to pay for the stadium, to pay for the licensing and trademarks, and to get together enough money to actually pay the players and employees.
Mike and Bork decided they needed to first focus on securing funding for their team. They decided to split up, each identifying and negotiating with potential investors independently in order to cover more ground faster. This was mistake number one.
Mike McGaggin decided to approach Texan native and billionaire Tom Hicks (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tom_Hicks). This was mistake number two.
Bork Borkington figured it would be best to approach the city of Austin directly to see if they could get funding from the city for their new team. This was mistake number three.
Tom Hicks has a long history of sports management, previously owning 50% of the English soccer club Liverpool F.C., baseball team the Texas Rangers, hockey team the Dallas Stars, and the rodeo Mesquite ProRodeo. He has since retired, but Mike and Bork figured that the Texan native would be able to help them out, seeing as he had a plethora of sports management and ownership experience.
Hicks agreed to serve as a chief consultant for Mike and Bork to get their team up and running, and he even offered to cover the entire cost of starting up the new team. Hicks just asked for one thing in return: He wanted the team to be named after him.
You see, the 71 year old retired Tom Hicks was not happy with his career. He owned teams but wasn’t known as a sports owner, and he was very aware that he didn’t belong in the same tier of sports owners such as Robert Kraft, the Rooney family, Jerry Buss, Walter Brown, or Conn Smythe. Hicks wanted legacy. He wanted his name to be remembered, and he saw this is an opportunity to do just that.
Mike was ecstatic. He had just landed not only an expert chief consultant in the field of sports ownership and management, but he had also gotten funding for the entire team! All he had to do was sign on the dotted line, which he did. The Austin Hicks wasn’t that bad of a name after all, was it?
Meanwhile, Bork had gotten his meeting with the city of Austin. With the expectation of increasing tourism revenue and helping local businesses, the city of Austin had agreed to help fund the new team! The Austin legislature would even help by giving Mike and Bork some city-owned land. This land happened to come from land previously belonging to Hippie Hollow Park, a nudist beach on the shore of Lake Travis.
BuzzSim Exclusive Fun Fact: Hippie Hollow Park is the only legally-recognized “clothing optional” public park in the entire State of Texas! Awesome!
The acquisition of the land for the new stadium made Bork feel an elation he had never felt before. In his excitement, he came up with a team name on the spot and yelled it out in front of the entire Austin General Assembly: “We should be called the Austin Hippies! After Hippie Hollow Park!” The Austin General Assembly almost unanimously agreed, and Bork left the meeting.
It was at this moment that Mike and Bork decided to call each other.
Mike exclaimed he had secured funding and a top-level consultant, but that the contract stated the team had to be named “Hicks.”
Bork retorted that he had gotten free land from the city of Austin for the stadium, but that the entire Austin General Assembly wanted the name to be the “Hippies.”
They were at an impasse. Or were they?
“Uh… what about the Hippie Hicks?” Asked Mike incredulously.
The rest of the story we are all familiar with. Mike and Bork officially announced the name of the new DSFL expansion team: The Austin Hippie Hicks. Immediately, the announcement was met with bewilderment. “What is a Hippie Hick?” “They aren’t actually gonna let a team be named the Hippie Hicks are they?”
41 minutes later, the commissioners officially vetoed the name.
Bork and Mike were laughing stocks. The city of Austin was worried that it would look bad, so it quickly held a media press conference officially placing all of the blame on Bork and Mike, claiming the name had been all their idea and that it was “ridiculous” and “offensive” to the people of Austin. The next day, Bork and Mike were chased out of the city by angry Austinites.
Despite facing league-wide ridicule, they didn’t forget their dream. They were going to create their very own expansion team, and nothing was going to get in their way. They fled to San Antonio, where they were able to secure funding from the department store Marshalls for their new team: The San Antonio Marshals.
Even though it only lasted 41 minutes, the Austin Hippie Hicks was an extremely important moment for the NSFL. Did the commissioners overstep their powers by vetoing a team name? Was Austin legally in the right to blame Bork and Mike for the failure of the Hippie Hicks and run them out of town? And whose fault was it, exactly? Was it Bork and Mikes, or Hicks and Austins?
Nonetheless, you cannot tell the story of the NSFL without the Austin Hippie Hicks.
[div align=\\\"center\\\"]RIP Austin Hippie Hicks
Born 8:31 PM EST August 5, 2017 – Died 9:12 PM EST August 5, 2017[/div]
Please join us for the official Austin Hippie Hicks memorial service at Hippie Hollow Park this Saturday at noon, sponsored by BuzzSim. Clothing optional.
(1178 words, ready to grade)
Graded
![[Image: image.png]](https://media.discordapp.net/attachments/332292285788192788/401385203261636609/image.png)
![[Image: AjG7IlG.png]](https://images-ext-2.discordapp.net/external/3XePkbq5Roxja4-XKktZu8IlUj3T3zxVQoCpIhNS_Lc/https/i.imgur.com/AjG7IlG.png)
![[Image: BVsashy.png]](https://i.imgur.com/BVsashy.png)
