*BREAKING NEWS!!!

[7hawk77]

[div align=\\\"center\\\"]Good evening[/div]




"I'm Cartoons Plural and you are watching some washed up NSFL player do a bad sports related off shoot segment on the local news."

"We have some breaking news that happened earlier today. Apparently Dan Miller took Lord Nibbler (who is the co-gm of the San Jose Sabercats) to the local dog park. All was going well with the beautiful fall breeze and beaming sunshine. The two of them sat on a bunch and we're talking about Defensive schemes.
As this was going on, someone walked by with their pet pig named Porky. Lord Nibbler forgot what planet he was on, pulled out a graviton ray remote, floated the pig over and gobbled it up in one swallow.
Immediately the woman starts crying and begins hitting Dan and Lord Nibbler with her purse. Dan was stunned and has no idea what to do. The authorities were called, first the cops showed up and they weren't sure how to handle it. They ended up calling pest control to bring Lord Nibbler to the pound."

"Dan rectified the situation by offering an obscene amount of money for a pet pig and she first resented him for even offering money. Then realized that money was totally worth it."

"Meanwhile there was video of Lord Nibbler being transported to the pound. As they took him out of the pest control van in a cage, he again pulled out the graviton remote and pointed it at the two goons who put him in this cage. He unlocked the cage and then began walking away, putting the two humans back on the ground after he had a sufficient lead."

"From what I've understood, Lord Nibbler has done a press release stating: "That was really unlike me, On my home planet pigs are the main source of food. I do find it odd that if human's grow pigs in terrible living conditions, slaughter them like animals and then eat them no one cares... but so many people are upset at me on social media. I find the irony palpable.




This issue has now taken social media by storm. There are meme's everywhere. People are saying it's the second coming of Justice For Harambe. Apparently with the "D*cks out for harambe" phrase catching on years ago, this has caused a "P*ssies out for Porky" craze.
Along side this, Lord Nibbler has received death threats which he has made a statement. "Yes, please try and kill an immortal alien because I ate something humans eat about 315 thousand times each day."

"Dan decided to handle some of the backlash of this by donating a large some of money to a few different pet organizations. The majority was spent towards the American Pet Association. Many people still claimed that this money isn't a valid gesture and want real community service."
We have a tweet from Dan that says:"I have more money than time, this money will do way more good than the time I could spend doing community service."



"After both parties lawyer-ed up, it appears that this will be settled out of court. There has been a non-disclosure agreement from both parties that won't exactly say what the agreement is. All we can hope for now is sweet meme justice."

"That's all for now..."

"This has been Cartoons Plural and somehow this is news. See you next time!"


*The camera then pans over Cartoons plural as he throws his queue cards in the air and walks off stage as the camera pans around to the live audience that wasted their day so they could possibly have 2 seconds in a news outro on live television.*

Code:

629 words

[Archon]

Pussies out for Porky!

[Lendoris]

[Bzerkap]

I think your phrasing does not accurately represent 50% of the population. Therefore

Penises out for Porky