Why did the CIA take out JFK? Easy. He knew what kids love about Cinnamon Toast Crunch. At the time, Kennedy was the second youngest US President in history, after Teddy Roosevelt. Teddy was nuts, so even if Cinnamon Toast Crunch had been invented before he died, he would never have figured it out. But Kennedy was in touch with the youth. The kids loved him. Why? Not just his charisma and good looks – he knew what they loved! The absurd cocktail of drugs Kennedy took for his numerous health problems gave him superhuman insight. (Side note, this played a huge part in him dismantling the Cuban Missile Crisis.)
Big Cereal could not have that. If a politician, especially a Democrat, knew the secret that kept kids munching Cinnamon Toast Crunch like a weeaboo at an all you can eat sushi dinner, he would share that secret with the public, for the “greater good.” The greater good is always terrible for Big Anything’s profits, and Big Cereal was no different. So, they made an investment by way of a few key pockets greased and luckily the CIA had been grooming Lee Harvey Oswald – not because they needed a sleeper, but because they were trying to win a bet with MI6 – and the rest is history. Gross, brain splatter-y history.
Big Cereal could not have that. If a politician, especially a Democrat, knew the secret that kept kids munching Cinnamon Toast Crunch like a weeaboo at an all you can eat sushi dinner, he would share that secret with the public, for the “greater good.” The greater good is always terrible for Big Anything’s profits, and Big Cereal was no different. So, they made an investment by way of a few key pockets greased and luckily the CIA had been grooming Lee Harvey Oswald – not because they needed a sleeper, but because they were trying to win a bet with MI6 – and the rest is history. Gross, brain splatter-y history.
![[Image: TRwiHZ1.png]](https://i.imgur.com/TRwiHZ1.png)
