Playoff Reviews (211 words)
I come to you today to tell the ballad of the Colorado Yeti. High in the mountains of Colorado, the Yeti have often flown too close to the sun, dragged down by the incessant pull of barren salt lakes and trees of stone surrounding their fair land. In this 20th season of the National Simulation Football League, the Yeti fought hard in 2 games in an effort to finally reach their destination... but alas, they've continued to fall short. First, in a wildcard matchup against the fearsome Hawks of the East, they won by only three points in a close game... though they prevailed, and their brave commander McDummy seemed most adept, their leader of the ground offensive Ashley Owens managed just 3.3 yards per attempt against the opposing defensive unit. In the next game, the mythical Yeti, the creatures of olden times, found themselves no match for the dark spirits of the north. As the apparitions bared down on them, the men of snow crumbled. The commander turned the tide in the wrong direction on two occasions, and though that dumb ashley owens guy did a bit better, it was too much to overcome. When you punt that many times when behind... you're doomed to fall once again.
big rip
Armchair GM (230 words)
Hmm.... if Ashley Owens was GM... now that's a good question. What WOULD I do to improve this team. Well, first of all, I'd immediately send all of our first round picks to another team in exchange for 2 linebackers who I was completely confident would totally not go inactive immediately, thus leaving me with 2 200TPE players. Additionally, I think I would - and this is a radical plan, so please properly prepare yourselves - I would trade for the best players on every team. Then, with the power of the best players behind us, we might even make it to the Ultimus and lose there instead this time! (Rather than losing in the conference championship). Anyways, I would also set Ashley Owens to primary receiver, and run an offense whose sole focus is to make sure that Ashley Owens touches the ball on every single play. Rushing it? Give it to Ashley Owens. Passing it? Pass it to Ashley Owens. Punting it? Hell, find a way to punt it to Ashley Owens! Now, would this help the team? ....maybe? But it'd certainly help me! And if I'm helped, THAT will help the team. BOOM. Genius moves. Every few games or so though, I would put the ball in the hands of speed king WOLFIE MCDUMMY. That boy can run. and he's gonna run in a lot of touchdowns for us.
Expansion (235 words)
How would I go about an NSFL expansion team? Well, that's an excellent question, and I'm actually quite glad you're asking. You see, I'm a firm believer that BRANDING matters much more than the actual content of a team's roster, management, etc. Who needs that shit if you can make some $$$ from a good brand, right? So yeah, let's talk ideas. First of all: I'm sorry Northwest territories, but Yellowknife is a heckin stupid place to have a stadium and professional football team to be honest. You've gotta make a team in a big market, and I'm gonna lean towards in America just because, well... it's called American Football. The sport is, naturally, most popular in America. Anyways. I'm thinking Atlanta is a good currently uninhabted (in terms of the NSFL lol) metro population to profit off o- I mean, to bring a team to. So how about.... the ATLANTA WHALE SHARKS. Official NSFL team of the Georgia Aquarium (which is an amazing place and i love it, by the way). I was gonna put forward more names but... I've settled on that. Anyways, now that that's done. I would be sure to not draft a quarterback for the team until at least the fourth round. I once drafted a "franchise" quarterback in the second round... and it didn't exactly go so well. First and third rounds are too close. Gotta have some buffer space...
Brotherly Love (204 words)
I guess technically this one should be called Sisterly Love, based on the fact that I'll be writing about Marcella Toriki. I relate to my fellow running back in a lot of ways. Duel threat. Left the team that drafted them after minimal time... A dominant player who threatens to take over league leaderboards down the road. And, don't get me wrong from all of this. She IS still a rival. Owens is constantly striving to make sure he's the best running back in the league... and she's one of the people who makes the standard to beat. But the dream is to have a head to head showdown in the Ultimus. Colorado v. New Orleans. Owens v. Toriki. It'd be a match for the ages. it'd be glorious. And Owens is rooting like hell for Toriki to succeed and continue to push running back boundaries all the time... so he can continue to fight for them as well. This league is about competition, but that's not incompatible with friendship and rooting for one another. Ashley roots for Toriki every game not played against Colorado. The competition runs deep, but respect runs deeper. No better way to show it all than on the field.
I come to you today to tell the ballad of the Colorado Yeti. High in the mountains of Colorado, the Yeti have often flown too close to the sun, dragged down by the incessant pull of barren salt lakes and trees of stone surrounding their fair land. In this 20th season of the National Simulation Football League, the Yeti fought hard in 2 games in an effort to finally reach their destination... but alas, they've continued to fall short. First, in a wildcard matchup against the fearsome Hawks of the East, they won by only three points in a close game... though they prevailed, and their brave commander McDummy seemed most adept, their leader of the ground offensive Ashley Owens managed just 3.3 yards per attempt against the opposing defensive unit. In the next game, the mythical Yeti, the creatures of olden times, found themselves no match for the dark spirits of the north. As the apparitions bared down on them, the men of snow crumbled. The commander turned the tide in the wrong direction on two occasions, and though that dumb ashley owens guy did a bit better, it was too much to overcome. When you punt that many times when behind... you're doomed to fall once again.
big rip
Armchair GM (230 words)
Hmm.... if Ashley Owens was GM... now that's a good question. What WOULD I do to improve this team. Well, first of all, I'd immediately send all of our first round picks to another team in exchange for 2 linebackers who I was completely confident would totally not go inactive immediately, thus leaving me with 2 200TPE players. Additionally, I think I would - and this is a radical plan, so please properly prepare yourselves - I would trade for the best players on every team. Then, with the power of the best players behind us, we might even make it to the Ultimus and lose there instead this time! (Rather than losing in the conference championship). Anyways, I would also set Ashley Owens to primary receiver, and run an offense whose sole focus is to make sure that Ashley Owens touches the ball on every single play. Rushing it? Give it to Ashley Owens. Passing it? Pass it to Ashley Owens. Punting it? Hell, find a way to punt it to Ashley Owens! Now, would this help the team? ....maybe? But it'd certainly help me! And if I'm helped, THAT will help the team. BOOM. Genius moves. Every few games or so though, I would put the ball in the hands of speed king WOLFIE MCDUMMY. That boy can run. and he's gonna run in a lot of touchdowns for us.
Expansion (235 words)
How would I go about an NSFL expansion team? Well, that's an excellent question, and I'm actually quite glad you're asking. You see, I'm a firm believer that BRANDING matters much more than the actual content of a team's roster, management, etc. Who needs that shit if you can make some $$$ from a good brand, right? So yeah, let's talk ideas. First of all: I'm sorry Northwest territories, but Yellowknife is a heckin stupid place to have a stadium and professional football team to be honest. You've gotta make a team in a big market, and I'm gonna lean towards in America just because, well... it's called American Football. The sport is, naturally, most popular in America. Anyways. I'm thinking Atlanta is a good currently uninhabted (in terms of the NSFL lol) metro population to profit off o- I mean, to bring a team to. So how about.... the ATLANTA WHALE SHARKS. Official NSFL team of the Georgia Aquarium (which is an amazing place and i love it, by the way). I was gonna put forward more names but... I've settled on that. Anyways, now that that's done. I would be sure to not draft a quarterback for the team until at least the fourth round. I once drafted a "franchise" quarterback in the second round... and it didn't exactly go so well. First and third rounds are too close. Gotta have some buffer space...
Brotherly Love (204 words)
I guess technically this one should be called Sisterly Love, based on the fact that I'll be writing about Marcella Toriki. I relate to my fellow running back in a lot of ways. Duel threat. Left the team that drafted them after minimal time... A dominant player who threatens to take over league leaderboards down the road. And, don't get me wrong from all of this. She IS still a rival. Owens is constantly striving to make sure he's the best running back in the league... and she's one of the people who makes the standard to beat. But the dream is to have a head to head showdown in the Ultimus. Colorado v. New Orleans. Owens v. Toriki. It'd be a match for the ages. it'd be glorious. And Owens is rooting like hell for Toriki to succeed and continue to push running back boundaries all the time... so he can continue to fight for them as well. This league is about competition, but that's not incompatible with friendship and rooting for one another. Ashley roots for Toriki every game not played against Colorado. The competition runs deep, but respect runs deeper. No better way to show it all than on the field.
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![[Image: HtYhYYf.png]](https://i.imgur.com/HtYhYYf.png)
