Training camp went terribly. It was incredibly hot outside, and coach was being super strict during our drills. I may have come to camp incredibly out of shape, but that's not my fault! I was scammed by this fake health guru. He claimed he found a new diet that would make me happy and healthy. The PBIC diet: pizza, beer, and ice cream diet. Now, the diet did make me happy, but it didn't make me healthy. Regardless I was sweating, breathing hard, and cursing out the coach to my friend Matt Cross. Now he was doing poorly on the drills as well, but he remained pretty mellow. "You just need to relax and feel the movement of the Earth under your feet. That's running my friend." I looked at him strangely, and he then asked "Ever tried LSD?" "No, just PBIC." "I've never heard of that, but it sounds dank. Here." He proceeded to give me what was like a piece of paper the size of a stamp, ordering me to swallow it and stay calm. I knew I shouldn't have tried another weird diet, but I trusted Matt and he was definitely in better shape then me. It wasn't long after that when a bunch of farm animals stormed our drills, and they chased me as I ran around cones and plowed through offensive lineman. There must have also been some strange weather coming through. It stayed hot, but the sky turned into a strange shade of green. It was a strange experience and a weird new diet, but I can't deny it made things a bit easier for me, even if it was because I was terrified of angering my 15 foot tall head coach.
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