(S21) - Ultimus Week

[hannahg32]

20 - the happiest memory that I, j. j. "jay" jay-jaymison have of the national football sim league, would be the memory of being drafted by my major league team, the arizona outlaws, in the 7th round and the 64th pick of the S21 draft. I had previously played with the minnesota grey ducks for just over a season, winning two championships along the way, though I did not feel like I was improving that much. When I was drafted by the wonderful people in Arizona, I felt like everyone was very welcoming and I felt like I was able and ready to commit to being a very good kicker and football player. In my time being a kicker at Jack Kelley’s Northeastern College of Real Estate, I did not ever think that I would be making the professional level of football, when I joined on to Minnesota, I figured it would be just a short stint as a football player, and even when I was drafted in the dsfl it was with the team I had joined with and I figured it was just as a favor to me, but never did I think that I would be drafted, and that is why that is my appiest moment. - 207

[Sermokala]

10

Baltimore's window was closing this year. The loss of Havran, Their star Defensive end, the talisman of their secondary just to list the largest losses. However, through these great loses there is greater opportunity. While they were gutted in this offseason they were gutted before the expansion draft cleaned out the rest of the league's edge. What remains in Baltimore is a team very young base in order to grow off of. The coming QB decision to replace Raven was made last year. The running game has the best duo in the league. The top rookie WR and the best WR in the league is still around. A dloy nominated DT anchors the defensive line and the secondary is filled with pro bowlers. All Of this sounds great but the holes the team had before this last season are becoming ever more glaring. This next draft is going to be critical for the hawks. The Oline revolution is nigh and the hawks do not have the picks to start building one. They need an LB and the first-round pick should be going to one. The third pick they need to patch up their secondary and from there pray that they can get someone on the offensive line with some TPE. A big push in FA to try and pry some O-lineman from another team would give the new QB a lot of room to breathe and the running game to take over the offense.

11

The Wraiths. I mean it has to be the wraiths. We all know the story behind the wraiths. They've lost the title game four years in a row beating the hawks in one way or another on their way to it. Where else do I go from there. They don't play in a real town while we play in the colonial heart of America. Their town is named that from a gold rush that's long sense played out while Baltimore was named by old-world royalty. Every time they beat us it never makes sense why. We have a better QB, We have better wide receivers. We have a better Dline. We have a better secondary. We have a better running game. Yet none of this mattes in the face of Wraith sim luck. I bearly remember any of their players other than sweet who went over to the dark side of the conference and Logan Uchiha who came over to the black and gold. The first two years they lost in the Ultimus I was relieved that they didn't win and hoped it would cause them to collapse next year but instead they came back weaker yet still somehow won. Now the feeling of loss to them has made us numb and we have genuinly enjoyed them loseing every year. Its the little things that get you through.

20

Papa Duilio has been a lot for me in the league. My NSFL draft night was pretty rough personally. I was told about rumors of being a first-round talent and saw a couple of mock drafts that had me going in the first round as well. I got award votes for best DSFL DLOY and was the top D-lineman in the league behind might isa by a margin. Even before that though he had drafted me after I had a rather ... rough start to the league. Rougher then I was aware of even as things have revealed themselves recently. That was a real great season and I don't think it would have gone well if duilio didn't steady me and slow me down as he did. He didn't talk to me much that offseason as he was taking over the hawks and I was supposed to go in the first round (the hawks had traded away their first and second). The first round was disappointing but understandable. The second round really frustrated me with a few people who were drafted as their teams told them to position switch. I mean game on to them if they were willing to do that to get drafted higher I just wasn't told that before that night that it was an expected thing with TE's not playing that position in the NSFL. Suddenly the third round came around and suddenly the best timeline opened up in front of me. Duilio drafted me again and It was a great way to end the night. The rest is history.

17

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Frabricio closes his eyes and leans back on his chair while legalizes text scrolls down the screen.

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[frithjofr]

19) Team Culture:

I love the culture down in Tijuana. When I play in a sim league, I like to be most active in the LR for the room I'm currently playing for, even if I've been signed to a "bigger" team. Tijuana is a great group of guys that I've felt welcome with since day one. Apparently they've got a really strong culture around defense and it shows from the way they churn people out. Towards the end of the season when Tijuana's future was looking dicey, I decided to step up and try to get people motivated to push out media so they could afford training and equipment. For a week, I donated $5 to the charity of a player's choice for each media article, and surprisingly George Fischer went and matched all of my donations. It wasn't much, about $40 for each of us, but it got more media on the site, more players interested, and more players invested in the league (and, a little selfishly, it got them buying equipment to get those TEPs out and give me a better chance at getting into the playoffs). We ended up missing the playoffs anyway, but you know? The LR has never felt more alive.

12) Pay It Forward:

I've actually got two guys. One I look up to, and one who is a peer that I respect immensely. Tom Hanks is a great dude who's been with me every step of the way since I signed with Tijuana. He helped me with my build early on and kept me motivated and grinding when I was otherwise focused on other leagues. He's on my team in the SHL and I'm trying to do the same for him now. NOLA picked me in the draft, and I think it's in no small part because of Tom's efforts (and Jay's, too). The second guy would be Corpsegrinder. He's just a good all around dude, and he and I share a lot of similarities. He doesn't like hockey, but you know what, he likes baseball and I don't like that. So I guess it's a wash. I think he's gotta be a shoo-in for captain next year because the guy's really got the shit. My fingers are crossed that he's still available when NOLA drafts this weekend so we can keep on playing together at the next level. I know that no matter where he ends up though I'll be excited for him, and he'll 100% be a net positive to his team.

18) Awards Season:

A little late for this once, since I'm posting after the awards came out, but frankly I was a little upset to have been snubbed for the DPOY or at least a best linebacker award. Not even a nomination? Sure, I didn't have the sheer number of tackles as some of the other guys out there, but without doubt I had other impressive stats. If you were to somehow weight defensive contribution, I bet I was up there. A safety, 2 interceptions, passes defended out the ass. Ugarth did it all this year, and I think he honestly suffered for it. Being a balanced linebacker, you're expected to be a Jack of all Trades, and it seems like the awards voting committee was more looking for a Jack of Tackles than anything. All jokes aside, however, I know first hand how hard it can be voting for awards. You're literally never going to make everyone happy, and you can't vote for everyone. There's some criteria you use to narrow things down, but ultimately sometimes you've just gotta give it the eye test. Too bad there's no award for striking fear into the hearts of one's enemies. Ugarth would have been a first ballot hall of famer in that category, at least.

X) SHL PT Claim:

Posted 4/12

[Oles]

Kicker Appreciation
The kicker who had a huge impact on the playoffs is none other than Herbert Prohaska. It’s clear why this player made a big impact on the playoffs, as Prohaska kicked a game winning field goal in overtime. A 46 yard field goal iced the game and gave the New Orleans Second Line, giving them a huge upset win to go to the Ultimus game. The Otters were looking like they would once again return to the promised land, after completing a 14 point comeback, and then having to answer a touchdown from the Second Line with 7 minutes left to play, which they did, and then Prohaska put the game out of reach once overtime hit. The Otters were not able to answer back, as they had the chance after Prohaska sank the 46 yard field goal, seeng their title hopes slip away as New Orleans was making their way to the Ultimus, which they would end up winning. Had it not been for the unlikely field goal made by Prohaska, the Otters would likely go on to win the game, not feeling the pressure that comes with being down in overtime. Prohaska was truly a game changer and playoffs changer, because the field goal that was made saw the Second Line go from unlikely contender to one of two teams remaining. (223 words)

Revenge
Immediately my thought is that if I’m in the DSFL next season I want to take down the Coyotes. The Pythons got blown out 31-7 in the playoffs by them, and now we went from believing we could make something of the season to being sent home with nothing more than one touchdown to show for it. The Pythons, even for being on the road, should have played better and should have done a better job, so it leaves a bitter taste to see a team that had started to peak go out like that. The Pythons defense was especially disappointing, having allowed 15.8 points a game in the season, and then in the playoffs they couldn’t find their footing and ended up allowing 31 points, the most points they allowed since a week 1 loss to the SeaWolves. I know that for a lot of us, to go out like that in what could be our only season in the DSFL with the team, it’s a bit disappointing to see such an underachieving situation, and while there will be plenty of opportunities later on to win Ultimus titles, but there aren’t many opportunities to win the Ultimini title and etch your name in DSFL history. (206 words)

Armchair GM
For me, I think the decision that the Pythons have to make going forward is simple. Rebuild the defense and retool after losing a good portion of your best players. With multiple LB prospects heading to the NSFL, and a few DB prospects who are also looking to make the jump once the draft hits, they will lose a lot of valuable talent to the draft and to NSFL teams. This happens for every team in the DSFL, but for the Pythons to be losing a good portion of the reason why they were the number 1 team in points allowed is a huge blow, and they will need to find impact players who will be able to make that impact on day 1. There is no luxury of time in the DSFL, you can’t wait and see how your prospects will develop, the roster turnover in the DSFL is too harsh to rely on players for more than one season. The best teams are able to draft well, build a roster, and have valuable coaching pieces that can elevate players who would otherwise not have an impact. The DSFL is all about building that locker room and drafting extremely well, so it definitely serves to have a good GM who can recognize and plan for the situations of the future. (221 words)

Scouting Report
For my scouting report I’m going to look at none other than the Portland Pythons CB. Not Tyler Oles JR, instead we’re looking at Zamir Kehla, the DBOTY candidate who was the league leader in interceptions. While he has a big personality, his play shines through on the field where he was a big part of why the Pythons were so good on defense. The Pythons were number 1 in interceptions, having 15 on the season, and his 5 were a big part of why they were able to lead the league. He also had a blocked punt, one of two for the Pythons this previous season. Kehla is a star in the making, he showed no issues excelling at the DSFL level, and while there is a talent jump in the NSFL, I think he can come in a be a star CB as soon as a team needs him to be. He possesses the ability to track the ball and the hands to make the QB pay, and that’s invaluable when it comes to your defensive backfield. Being confident in CBs is a wonderful thing in any professional football league, and Kehla, even with his big personality, allows you to be confident that you don’t have to worry about one side of the field being burnt toast. (219 words)

[Thiath]

1) Now that the ultimus has come and passed, let’s take a look back at the championship. On April 8th, the Yellowknife Wraiths faced off against the New Orleans Second Line in Ultimus 21. Now in their fourth consecutive ultimus appearance, the pressure was on for Yellowknife. Despite their best efforts, the Wraiths were unable to pull off the win.

New Orleans were the clear favorites going into this matchup. Having begun the season 9-0, some began to question the Second Line after losing their last three games. The clear advantage for New Orleans was their dual rushing attack.

The combined efforts of Forrest Gump Jr and Marcella Toriki were enough to completely overwhelm the Yellowknife defense. With 225 total rushing yards, the pace of the game was in New Orleans control from the first snap. There were other impressive performances from the Second Line as well.

Quarterback Stan Francisco put up 353 yards in the air, along with 3 touchdowns. Forrest Gump Jr, also contributed 119 receiving yards and a touchdown. Though that isn’t to say Yellowknife didn’t give it their all. With impressive stats all along the defensive side of the ball, it was clear they had the will to win, they were simply outmatched.

17) I was recently in an ad for Audible. Audible is the leading provider of audiobooks with over 180,000 titles to choose from. If you’re as busy I am, it can become difficult to find the time to do the things you love.

With audible, I can read whenever and wherever I want. I use Audible nearly everyday, and if you go to audible dot come, and use promocode “Barlow” you can get a free audiobook and, you’ll get 30 days of unlimited listening for free.

I’m listening to J.R.R Tolkein’s “The Hobbit” as it was one of my childhood favorites, and with Audible, I’m able to relive that sense of wonder and imagination. I’ve also bought “The Autobiography of Malcolm X” “To Kill a Mockingbird” by Harper Lee. “American Gods” and Norse Mythology by Neil Gaiman.

If you’d like to join me on my reading journey this upcoming season, go to audible dot com, and use code “Barlow.” For all your reading needs, use the number one source for audiobooks, Audible.

I was paid incredibly well for doing this, and I would’ve done it for free, because I use Audible all the time. I will be recommending Audible to all my friends in the league.

16) This is my scouting report for wide receiver Eddie Jeeta. Jeeta was an absolute stud in Kansas City this season. With 759 yards and 5 touchdowns, Eddie was a force to be reckoned with. There were few defenders who could keep up and it’s not a surprise to see why. Jeeta is one of the fastest players in the Developmental Simulation Football League. At 6’1” and weighing only 185 pounds, he certainly isn’t the biggest player on the field. Though that hasn’t stopped him from proving he has what it takes to breakout in the National Simulation Football League. He not only has the speed, but he’s got some of the most reliable hands out there. Footballs seem to stick to this kids' fingers like they’re covered in glue. The most impressive aspect of Jeeta however, is his route running. It is no shock to anyone around the league that the guy is smart. He seems to read the field before anyone else, as if he has a sixth sense for where the players are going to be. On several occasions, Jeeta has put himself in impossible situations that leave you wondering “How did he know the ball would be there?” Eddie Jeeta definitely has what it takes to make it at the next level, and I for one will be watching to see what happens.

[run_CMC]

4) OL or K/P Appreciation (238 words)

God bro I appreciate the fuck out of our kicky boi Silver Banana. I mean, my mans is just frickin great. If you didn't know, Silver Banana is the kicker and punter for the Colorado Yeti. And if you also didn't know (which would be fair, tbh), the Colorado Yeti made the playoffs this year! And... the playoffs didn't go so well for us. We lost, rather deflatingly, to the Yellowknife Wraiths in the wildcard round. But! we did have a bright spot... can you guess who it was? That's right. Ole Silver "the silver bullet "werewolf killer" " Banana. Since our offense completely imploded all game long, we had to rely on the Silver Bullet to make an astonishing 10 punts. And guess fuckin what boys. He averaged 43.1 yards per punt on them while leaving several (3) inside the 20 yard line. Now I know 43.1 wouldn't be great alone, but we were punting from some shitty spots and he did frankly the best work possible given the situation. And then, there were the field goals. With 2 field goals and 1 extra point, Banana scored more points than all the rest of the team (oof). So we may not have made it far in the playoffs.... but if we hadn't crumpled in this game, you'd better believe he wouldve been a FORCE all playoffs long. If only silver bullets worked on ghosts in addition to werewolves....

6) Next Year (249 words)

....wow. I write this one depressingly often. Anyways. Why can the Colorado Yeeti win the Ultimus next season? Umm.... have you looked at this roster? Need I run through it??? Let's begin. We'll start with Wolfie McDummy. The quarterback and proud leader of this team, some of you might know him as a turnover machine. Me? I know him as Wolfie "Ryan Fitzmagic" McDummy. Yes, he may throw the game away every now and then. But he is #NotARunningBack.... he's a quarterrunningback! He can literally get it done on the field in every way. Every now and then he wavers, but that's no biggie. Why? His supporting cast is always there to pick up the rare slack. I mean, man, we got tight end Earl Sauce. That man dominates the field. Too quick and agile for linebackers, too powerful and overwhelming for defensive backs. He's just too big man. The offense also has that washed up running back that another team took first overall, but he's pretty irrelevant so we'll skip him. On the defensive side of the ball... BUBBAAAAAAAA! Bubba Thumper is a FORCE. That man will give anybody an absolute pounding. He is massive, powerful, undeniable. A force to reckoned with on the field too! Behind him, stands #MoVP. Mo Berry just had an incredible season that gave him the best shot as a defensive player winning the MVP award in a long time. There's plenty of reason to be expecting a repeat performance this coming season!

17) Sponsorships (228 words)

Ladies and gentlemen..... Ashley Owens has a sponsorship. Now, being a first overall draft pick (2 times), Owens has had his share of endorsement deals and such. However, none have mattered to him as much as this one.... to be shown in the Ultimus, Owens is in an ad representing his home, his family, his college, his state... everything he stands for. Ashley Owens will be representing... a small family company's newest business venture.... frozen cheese curds. Good, true, Wisconsin cheese curds. Now, I know, frozen cheese curds sound like they might not be any good (well, of course they are, they're cheese curds, but like compared to fresh ones I mean), but this company has an incredible recipe and easy preparation instructions that make them the best cheese curds Owens has ever tasted outside of his home state of Wisconsin. Since first being contacted them, Owens has of his own choice been buying them in bulk for his Colorado home-- because nothing says home like cheese curds. Owens is incredibly excited to be in the ad, and to hopefully share these wonderful Wisconsin treats with the world. The ad will feature him basically just conveniently making and consuming the cheese curds in various locations, from his own kitchen, to the stadium, to other teams' stadiums! Even... scandalously... at home in Wisconsin! because they're just that good folks.

19) Team Culture (240 words)

Just straight up, Colorado is the most fantastic lockerroom and group of folks I ever could've hoped for. When I made Ashley Owens, I knew from the beginning I would want to test free agency at some point, since with 11 seasons invested in the league I still never had. That said, I never expected to do it as soon as I did-- 2 seasons into my tenure in Austin. Austin, the Copperheads, the team that drafted me. It felt terrible leaving them. But the situation just wasn't right for me as a player (although lockerroom was fantastic), and so I left for Colorado, where I could eat stats (hopefully) and finally play with a longtime friend in infinitempg (as well as reunite with my old DSFL teammate woelker!). Little did I know, I was in for so much more. Not just infinite and woelker... but everybody in that lockerroom has been nothing but fantastic. After hitting free agency so quickly once, I wasn't PLANNING to do it again, but I had no objections to doing so. But I signed an extension for another 3 seasons before getting close to the offseason recently. Why? Because I truly love everyone in that lockerroom. Kind, funny, caring, honest people. All of them. They're all just... good people. And I'm lucky to be among them. ... also the pets channel is the cutest shit you've ever seen. every team better have one of those

[lamboalfredo]

12. I've had the pleasure of being teammates with Derred de Ville. Ever since we joined the London Royals, I've looked up to him as a teammate and a friend. Right from the beginning, he helped his teammates out. He was also a big presence in the locker room. He created some incredible graphics of the team and our teammates, which helped me, the Twitter admin, post some great stuff. Our Twitter account wouldn't be nearly as good if it wasn't for his commitment to creating fun and interesting graphics. Despite being a rookie, he picked up a number of leadership roles. His commitment to the team and the game is rivaled by no one. He quickly became one of the most respected in the Royals locker room and one of the most respected players in the entire league. Aside from his locker room presense, he quickly dominated every game, winning a majority of our game awards. His dominance on the field was felt by the rest of the league. His drive and passion is incredibly respectable and it has really motivated me to become a better player and a better teammate in the locker room. It'll be tough to play against him in the NSFL.

(205 words)

16.

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(217 words)

20. My career has just started and there's so much to be truly proud of. Just being drafted was a HUGE accomplishment and is one of the biggest highlights of my short career. I was a little hesitant when I was drafted by the London Royals, mainly, because they never scouted or contacted me. Once I was there, being a part of that incredible team and locker room will always be memorable. If I had to pick one moment in my short career, my happiest memory so far would be my first touchdown catch. It was a 1 yard touchdown pass that put the game out of reach. I knew it was going to be a tough road being a rookie, but I wasn't expecting to get my first touchdown in the very first game. Not only was it the first touchdown of MY career, but it was also the first offensive touchdown of the London Royals franchise. Not only is it a great feeling to accomplish that goal in the very first game, but it's also an amazing feeling to have my name forever in the London Royals' history book. It will go down as my greatest moment in my career.

(201 words)