*Free Agency

sapp2013 · (This post was last modified: 05-21-2018, 10:18 AM by bovovovo.)

Andre Bly Jr. walks up to the stand; a bottle of Gatorade sits there. Andre looks at it, sighs, and looks at the crowd. He takes a deep breath, releases, closes his eyes, and speaks:

As many of you know, my rookie contract is up at the end of the season, and Free Agency is looming. I have been approached by management about signing an extension, but after not seeing a win in 2 full seasons... 28 games, I just cannot find myself to resign without first speaking with other teams in the league. It takes a toll on you, and even though the guys on the team are absolutely awesome to hang out and talk with, I need to see my options. It pains me that I may be sitting playing against them in the future, but I need to look out for myself. With that, I will open it up to the media for a couple minutes.

Reporter: Mike Jacobson, Colorado Post. If you had to pick a team to be at the top of your Free Agency list, what team would that be?

Andre: Look, all teams are at the same level, No GM has talked to me yet, so how am I supposed to know which team is the best fit? I don't even watch the other games, other than the tape my coach has me watch. I take my time to perfect my craft, but I don't care what Brownnose Ketchuphead is doing. If I am not playing his team, he means nothing to me during the season.

Reporter: Harrison Frye, CMTN Denver. Big Fan Andre, but this year you took a step back. Wide Receivers were breaking away on routes and scored multiple TDs on you this season. Care to comment?

Andre: No.... The refs have gotten way to lenient on Offensive pass interference. Have you seen a single call in the past season? No, you haven't, and the ball catchers know that. If I had to point out one guy that abuses that the most, it is definitely LeClair. Cannot keep his hands off me. Tell the refs to do their job, and then you will never see a better CB than me. Play within the rules, not within human error.

Reporter: Alyssa Higgins, Denver O-N-E. I know you spoke of your two "imperfect" seasons back-to-back. Is there anything that you would like to attribute the lack of wins to?

Andre: Yea, and let me get back on my ref rant. Those Tomlinson brothers put a $5 bet that Yeti would go winless in both S6 and S7. Somehow they "found" themselves "officiating" 5 of our games last year and 8 of our games this year. You call that a coincidence? Why the hell does the league even allow betting by any member? There is so much going on that it is so easy to rig games these days, and yet we can't be 100% sure that they did attempted to do so except for the amount of penalties called on our team. Something like 15 penalties in one game against us. that was a whole field and a half of the game in yardage. Whatever. Its in the past. Next Question.

Reporter: Gonash Patel, Third Denver News. With the season over, what are your plans for the offseason?

Andre: I am going to train, mentor, play some soccer, and go fishing. Its what I always do.

Reporter: Ben Miller, Go Denver News Outlet, What teams are you looking at for free agency?

Andre: Do you ev...Nevermind. I am going to just leave while you think about why I won't answer that question. I'll see y'all next season.

Andre Gets up quick and walks away. Reporters shuffle around for the next Yeti player to come up to the stand. Andre comes back, grabs the gatorade, and stares down Ben as he chugs the first half, tightens the cap, wipes his upper lip, and walks away.