(S22) - PT4 - Road to Glory

[Yeenoghu]

After being recruited to this site by a Second Line starter, I was under the impression that the incumbent champions were on track to steamroll their competition. However, having just watched my first round of simulations, nothing could be further from the truth. The offense appeared to be cursed by voodoo magic, preventing the defense from catching their breath on the sidelines. Sure, they'll make the playoffs, but they'll be going back home to New Orleans after the first round.

Looking around the rest of the league, how can you not favor the Wraiths to take it all? League leaders in points scored *and* points allowed, and they are fresh off a 56-point shellacking of the Hawks. I'm not seeing any real contenders in the NSFC to oppose their dominance.

In the ASFC, give me the winner of the SaberCats-Copperheads matchup next week. Whoever takes this contest will clinch homefield advantage in a likely rematch in the wildcard round, and the Otters (despite what should be an easy matchup next week) just lost to both of these teams and seem to be limping into the postseason.

If I had to call it now, I'd pick Wraiths over Copperheads in this year's Ultimus.

[Skyline]

Acura Skyline is in his bag. Fresh off of a 134 rushing yard performance capped by 4 trips to the end zone, the Yellowknife Wraiths are leading the league in the one statistic that matter: Dubs. Despite being the undisputed offensive player of the year in his sole season with the London Royals, Skyline has yet to breathe in that sweet playoff air. But this year, not only will he get to play in the only games that truly matter, but he will be contributing in a meaningful way to hopefully bring the Wraiths all the way to the promised land (specifically, Disney World). Lined up as the RB2 behind the unquestionable Running Back of the Year in Hanyadi, the Wraiths backfield is a force to be reckoned with and heavily bolstered by new addition Forty-Two on the offensive line. But even if the wraiths aren’t able to get their dangerous backfield humming, the air attack led Cooter Bigsby and recievers Swift, Rodriguez, and Hardagain will feast even on dialed in playoff defenses. And we haven’t even gotten to the defense, where the Wraiths draw their identity from hard nosed players who never take a down off. If Yellowknife does not end up going all the way, it will only be because of black magic and the Illuminati.

[Jo3fish5]

I'm looking for the Portland Pythons to have a strong half of the season and push their way up to the 2nd place spot in the DSFL NFC North conference behind the current front-runners, the Minnesota Grey Ducks. This regular season performance, thanks to big contributors such as QB George O'Donnell, running backs Joseph Petrongolo and Kenyel McZeal, and wide receivers Sean Snyder and Videl-San on the offensive side of the football. These players' contributions will be enough to get into the playoffs, where they will head to Minnesota to face off against league rivals, the Grey Ducks. In a close, defensive game, I see the Pythons triumphing, winning the game 17-10, and earning themselves a trip to the league championships and a chance to earn some hardware. In the Ultimini game, I think they will go up against a strong Tijuana Luchadores team that has just won their playoff game, the south conference championship, at home against the Dallas Birddogs, in a very high-scoring affair where they crush the opposition, winning the game easily with a score of 31-17. In this clash of DSFL North vs. South, I see the South coming out victorious, winning a well-fought battle 24-13, making the Tijuana Luchadores the Ultimini winners and the DSFL champions.

Go Sneks tho c:

[The_Kidd]

The DSFl has been a wild, unpredictable ride during S23. On the onset, London and Myrtle Beach reigned supreme for the first 4-5 weeks before both decided to simultaneously tank their respective seasons during the last 4 weeks. Entering this final week, both teams sit at the bottom of their divisions but both teams will make the playoffs.

For Myrtle Beach, they have too much talent on their roster to not revert back to their early season form and show why they were the consensus pre-season favorite to win the Ultimini and defend their title. Myrtle Beach has the most capped players in the league and Minnesota is the only other team that can rival the surplus of talented linemen littered throughout the Buccs roster. Tijuana has found their groove and will likely roll to the division crown with 11 wins, but Myrtle Beach will need a big win against Minnesota and hoping for Dallas to drop at least two games against Norfolk, London, Tijuana, and Kansas City. Luckily Dallas and Norfolk must play each other in week 11.

Now, everything I said to support Myrtle Beach completely contradicts London. London is young, inexperienced, and has one of the weakest group of linemen in the league. However, the reason why London will pull off the miracle run into the playoffs resides in their high powered offense. London has one of the best DSFL QB's, two top WR prospects, one of the top TE's prospects, and they have received a big boost from their third WR ---- making their lethal passing attack even more potent. If London can sustain longer drives and not repeatedly put their defense in such compromised positions, we should see a return to their early season form where they beat Tijuana and Myrtle Beach. London does play in a weak division, with three teams sitting at 4-6. However, London needs to find magic against Myrtle Beach or Minnesota(they must beat the average Dallas and Portland) in order to capitalize on their hot start and weak division. With the upgrades on offense, they should be able to surprise most of their foes these last four weeks.

[Jangorhino]

Minnesota Grey Ducks are gonna make some noise and make it to the ultimini and win. hot take

Mario VonPebbles is gonna be an indispensable part of the defensive attack all the way.

Its been a long season and this team has hung in there through all the ups and downs. The focus has been max earning all year and being a leader in the locker room. As one of the team captains, Mario has done just that. he's max earned all season and is capped with 71 TPE banked at the time this was written. Mario has been called the heart and soul of the team. its been said he brings more passion and compassion into the LR than anyone else. Mario seems to have found his place in the Minnesota LR. The challenge for the remainder of the season is to stay focused and continue to max earn until the season 23 preseason 400 TPE goal is reached. Whatever the team does the rest of the season and hopefully in the playoffs is icing on the cake. the team has been through so much and all the players have grown so close, asking for anything more than we already have would be greedy.

but lets be greedy boys and bring home a chip. lets fucking do this shit

[Mongoose87]

I awaken with a start. It's dark. I can feel my cheek sticking and pressed up against a smooth surface. I reach out with my left hand and feel it and then push myself upright. It's cool and firm, but soft. I hear it creak as I sit up.

Where am I? As my eyes adjust, I can see some outlines of my surroundings. I can make out a low surface in front of me, about level with my knees. I see several somewhat conical objects resting on it. I touch one. It's hard, cool and smooth. Glass, I think to myself.

I knock one of the objects over as I withdraw my hand to rub my face. Inspiration strikes me and I reach down towards my right pocket to retrieve my cell phone. Odd, I think, as I notice I'm not wearing pants, only boxers.

I bend down and touch the floor with both hands, trying to locate the missing garment. Brushing aside a pizza box, an empty Pringles can and a mostly empty tub of ice cream,I make contact with something denim and hear the telltale clink of my belt buckle against the floor.

After a moment of fumbling, I reach into the right pocket and reclaim my phone. I check the time. 3:27. Ugh. I turn on the light and point the phone at my surroundings, illuminating the space. Suddenly, it dawns on me:

I've been sobbing on the couch at home because the Bucs missed the playoffs.

[Lime]

I have not been here long enough to know what is going on, so my takes may not be the best. Since I will be joining the DSFL I will talk about that.

From what I hear the Myrtle Beach Buccaneers are the defending champions, but they have taken a nosedive in quality, especially since they have the highest average TPE in the DSFL. The Luchadores look to be replacing them in the Ultimini and might just have the chops to pull off the win. The Bucs matched up against the Kansas City Coyotes last season in the Ultimini, but I don't think Kansas City will reappear either. The Grey Ducks appear to be the real deal this season, and the Pythons have the second highest average TPE in the league, which could help them pull out a good playoff performance. I think the Ducks are still the most likely candidate to go up against the Luchadores. I think its fair to predict the Ducks win their 3rd Ultimini in 4 seasons. The Ducks are pretty average TPE-wise overall, but they have the best defense in the league, and as we all know, defense wins championships.

The DSFL is always a toss up though, so I could see the Pythons being a dark horse pick for Champs as well.

[Sutj]

Following week 10, the Tijuana Luchadores sit comfortably as the number one team in the DSFL with an impressive record of 7-3. After a disappointing and slow start of 0-2, the Tijuana Luchadores quickly rebounded with four straight wins, defeating the Myrtle Beach Buccaneers, whom many thought were the best team in the DSFL prior to the start of the season. The Luchadores also have two wins against the next best teams with records of 6-4, the Dallas Birddogs and the Minnesota Grey Ducks, showing that their record is not due to an easy schedule. The Luchadores are looking to make a strong playoff run and likely home-field advantage in their first game of the playoffs. Friedrich Vequain is the WR1 for the Tijuana Luchadores, but also the WR1 in the DSFL after week 10, leading the league in catches and yards. Vequain has been a key and featured star on the Tijuana offense, who boast the best ranked offense in the league, thanks to not only their elite receiving talent, Vequain, but their elite QB duo in Ben Slothlisberger and Jim Waters, and also their elite RB duo in Richard Gilbert and Running Back. Vequain has so far played a big role in the Tijuana offense, but the number 1 offense is not just one man, and it is thanks to the elite talent in every position on offense that is dominating DSFL defenses this season.

[ForSucksFake]

It's really hard to picture an Ultimus game without Minnesota in it. When you look at them, they really do excel at every aspect of the game. They have (in my opinion) the best defense in the DSFL. Stars align across their defensive depth chart with reigning Defensive Back of the Year Buck Thornton, future NSFL Pro Bowler Dex Kennedy, and captain Mario Von Pebbles. On offense, they have quarterback Sim Snowbow, who leads the league in pass yards, rating, and touchdowns. He's throwing it to two different receivers (Tychondrius Hood & Daymond Brooks) who are in the top 10 in receiving yards. Brooks leads the league in receiving touchdowns. You also have to gameplan for Kai Sakura who is arguably the best receiver in the upcoming NSFL Draft. Running the ball for the Grey Ducks are Jamar Lackson (who led the league in rushing most of the season) and Zed Keppler. Jamar is an absolute gamebreaker for the Ducks, and if he's tired with his old man legs, Keppler brutalizes defenses too. It's the best 2-1 punch in the league. There isn't a single weakness on this team. Even the special teams are bolstered by an incredible kicker/punter in Phiip Stein. Lackson and Brooks assume punt returns and kick returns, respectively. Both have scored touchdowns returning the ball. We'll see if the Grey Ducks have what it takes to grab their fifth championship, but it's hard to argue against them making a berth this year.

[sakrosankt]

There were some major upsets throughout the season. Sabercats are good? Who would have thought that. Didn't happen in years. Hawks struggling big, with only being atop the atrocious Butchers in the NSFC. Austin is struggling hard with one of the best rosters in the league. And then there are the expansion teams. Honolulu is out of contention already in a stacked ASFC, but the other expansion team, the Sarasota Sailfish are still in the fight for the last playoff spot. And they have very good chances to make it. A win at the Butchers and a loss of Philadelphia at Yellowknife and they are in. The other playoff spots are already set in the NSFC. The Wraiths are at 1 and Colorado at 2. So in the wild card game, Sarasota (if they make it what we just assume here), will have to travel to Colorado to take on the Yeti. In week 11 they last met, where the Sailfish won. In the first matchup in Colorado this season in week 3, Sarasota still had a capped at 250 TPE QB in Zack Vega under center. They traded for Rose Jenkins, who will retire just after this season, to make a push for playoffs. The first time playoff participates sets another early end to struggling Yeti, then they are heading far north to take on the Yellowknife Wraiths. This is a harder test for them, as the Wraiths won both matchups against the Sailfish with ease. But this time it'll be different, and the expansion team will pull out a big surprise win there. On the ASFC side, the #1 seed Sabercats win the Championship Game to make it a surprise bowl game. An expansion team and a perennial loser franchise face off in the Ultimus. This final is that unlikely, no one would have thought something like that could happen. And still, here we have it. In a tough fight, the game finally goes to overtime. After the first possession of the Sabercats - a 3 and out - the Sailfish march over the field. Jenkins, with her last throw in her entire career, finds a wide open Witheblock on the left side of the field, who carries the ball in for a 23 yard touchdown and an astonishing finish to a season full of surprises.