05-04-2019, 01:19 PM
(This post was last modified: 05-05-2019, 07:23 PM by Fordhammer.)
Let’s talk about Taters Johnson. He was drafted by the Arizona Outlaws with the 1st pick of the 14th round, number 131 overall. He played last season for the DSFL’s Portland Pythons. A cornerback from an unheralded football program, ITT Technical Institute. He claims this year’s title of ‘Mr. Irrelevant’. Don’t feel bad for Taters, this title holds some merit. He will be gifted a 2032 Chevrolet Silverado, the “everyman’s” truck, courtesy of General Motors. Without guaranteed contracts in the last few rounds of the NSFL draft the truck alone sets him above most of the 10th round picks and beyond.
Unfortunately, at the time of writing, Taters was unavailable for comment and actually has not been seen since March 10th. Have the Outlaw’s scouts uncovered a secret the rest of the league is unaware of? Has Taters been tending to some sort of family emergency and will be able to return just in time for training camp? Was he laying low due to a nagging injury and he did not want it reported? We don’t know for sure.
What we do know is that Taters is a cornerback with above average speed and agility. He is a decent form tackler but has a lot of work to do in the weight room. When I called ITT Technical Institute, they would only confirm that Taters was enrolled at their school for 3 years. Something tells me the Outlaw scouts had to work overtime on tracking this player down.
Taters Johnson played in all 14 games last year for the Pythons but only came up with one tackle all season. It happened in the 3rd quarter of week 11’s loss to the Kansas City Coyotes, on the road. When asked about Tater’s statistical line from last season former teammate Kermit Stronglegs had this to say, “Jeez, one tackle. One. This man needs to step up his game. This is unacceptable going into the NSFL. However, it was the best f***in' tackle I’ve ever seen.” The tackle occurred on a rush up the middle by Jay Quick. When he bounced to the outside it looked like it was going to be a ‘big gainer’ down the sideline. Johnson came from across the field with the perfect angle to hold him to a 13 yard gain.
I reached out to the Outlaw’s GM SwagSloth. He was gracious enough to offer some time to this, new to the scene, reporter. I asked the following:
With the last pick of the draft you chose Taters Johnson. Can you tell me why you took a shot on the cornerback from ITT Technical Institute?
SwagSloth replied, “Unfortunately, as much as I hate to admit it, Taters wasn't the guy we had originally had our heart on. I pride myself on being able to pick out gems in a draft, but the one guy we really needed was Gimmy. And, when San Jose sniped him from us, they broke our hearts. Gimmy was the obvious successor to our Quarterback Andrew Reese and I knew Andrew was looking forward to playing with him. But Taters is a real laidback, easy-going quiet guy. Coming from ITT, he had the capability to not only catch the occasional interception, but to also fix my laptop. Which would have been great because we had to fire the last guy.”
Were your scouts able to make contact with him? Has he been offered a contract?
“We're sorting out the contract details as we speak and, he's very excited about him. I personally feel he has the potential to be the next John Springfield.”
With Taters completely unavailable for comment I don’t want to speculate any further into his reasons for not being reachable. I will simply end by wishing him well and hoping he sees this article so he knows he has won a brand new Silverado, color of his choice!
-Ross Farmer
The Independent Journal
Unfortunately, at the time of writing, Taters was unavailable for comment and actually has not been seen since March 10th. Have the Outlaw’s scouts uncovered a secret the rest of the league is unaware of? Has Taters been tending to some sort of family emergency and will be able to return just in time for training camp? Was he laying low due to a nagging injury and he did not want it reported? We don’t know for sure.
What we do know is that Taters is a cornerback with above average speed and agility. He is a decent form tackler but has a lot of work to do in the weight room. When I called ITT Technical Institute, they would only confirm that Taters was enrolled at their school for 3 years. Something tells me the Outlaw scouts had to work overtime on tracking this player down.
Taters Johnson played in all 14 games last year for the Pythons but only came up with one tackle all season. It happened in the 3rd quarter of week 11’s loss to the Kansas City Coyotes, on the road. When asked about Tater’s statistical line from last season former teammate Kermit Stronglegs had this to say, “Jeez, one tackle. One. This man needs to step up his game. This is unacceptable going into the NSFL. However, it was the best f***in' tackle I’ve ever seen.” The tackle occurred on a rush up the middle by Jay Quick. When he bounced to the outside it looked like it was going to be a ‘big gainer’ down the sideline. Johnson came from across the field with the perfect angle to hold him to a 13 yard gain.
I reached out to the Outlaw’s GM SwagSloth. He was gracious enough to offer some time to this, new to the scene, reporter. I asked the following:
With the last pick of the draft you chose Taters Johnson. Can you tell me why you took a shot on the cornerback from ITT Technical Institute?
SwagSloth replied, “Unfortunately, as much as I hate to admit it, Taters wasn't the guy we had originally had our heart on. I pride myself on being able to pick out gems in a draft, but the one guy we really needed was Gimmy. And, when San Jose sniped him from us, they broke our hearts. Gimmy was the obvious successor to our Quarterback Andrew Reese and I knew Andrew was looking forward to playing with him. But Taters is a real laidback, easy-going quiet guy. Coming from ITT, he had the capability to not only catch the occasional interception, but to also fix my laptop. Which would have been great because we had to fire the last guy.”
Were your scouts able to make contact with him? Has he been offered a contract?
“We're sorting out the contract details as we speak and, he's very excited about him. I personally feel he has the potential to be the next John Springfield.”
With Taters completely unavailable for comment I don’t want to speculate any further into his reasons for not being reachable. I will simply end by wishing him well and hoping he sees this article so he knows he has won a brand new Silverado, color of his choice!
-Ross Farmer
The Independent Journal
![[Image: ST.update.jpg]](https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/764072200021606412/822924301467779162/ST.update.jpg)
