*DSFL Draft Offensive Line Recap

[Memento Mori]

Offensive linemen are currently second-class citizens in the league - they are barred from the Pro Bowl. Thankfully, much of the community has rallied around the cause and is campaigning to have this discriminatory Head Office policy changed.

As you’ll all remember, a couple of weeks prior to the DSFL draft I released a very serious, highly professional ranking of the S22 DSFL offensive line prospects, here. In honour of our OL Big Bois and the #OLforProBowl movement, I thought I’d review the offensive line class post-draft and see how perception of the prospects changed during the draft process. We’ll be going through the offensive linemen selected and compare their draft position to my pre-draft rankings. You won't believe who’s #6!


Tommy Sacamano, #52 Overall
Profile Link: TommyThaMan
Pre-Draft Ranking: #1
Selected: #1 OL
Analysis: Tommy weighs 335lb. That’s a lot - he weighs almost as much as 336 1lb bags of flour. He was the 2nd OL taken in the draft, but really he was the first because the one that went before him doesn’t count. More on that later. There isn’t too much to say because Tommy is an obvious, slam dunk pick. Works hard on and off the field. A real gym rat, if you will. Portland should be very pleased with themselves. He's also clearly a defender of the OL movement.

#WESHALLFIGHTINTHETRENCHES

Bruce Buckley, #59 Overall
Profile Link: NicholasTheGreat
Pre-Draft Ranking: #2
Selected: #2 OL
Analysis: Be quiet. Absolutely silent. Turn off your music. Put your ear to the ground. Do you hear it? That low, rumbling noise? That’s the Thunder from Down Under, Bruce Buckley. Buckley is a monstrous, 6’5 340lb killing machine*. He’ll be playing DSFL football for Myrtle Beach in the upcoming season and my sources inside the Buccaneers locker room tell me they’re very happy that they don’t have to play against Buckley in a DSFL game. The man is terrifying.

* For legal reasons, the editor has added this clarification: This publication is aware of the allegations made against Bruce Buckley regarding an incident that saw a man hospitalised. This publication would like to make it clear that we are not insinuating that Bruce Buckley has actually killed another human being. Please don’t sue us.


Calvin Golladay, #60 Overall
Profile Link: CalvinGolladay
Pre-Draft Ranking: #7
Selected: #3 OL
Analysis: Calvin Golladay was ranked #7 in my pre-draft analysis, in the “Guys only Mike Mayock has heard of” tier. It appears that this knock on Golladay prompted the surge in activity that saw him rise up draft boards. Don’t believe me? Here’s what he had to say:

I read that piece and felt that was definitely underrating me. It actually put a bit of a chip on my shoulder and got me to focus on staying active before and through the draft, so thanks for that. Even though we didn't get a lot of attention, I had still seen myself as a top-three guy there, so it was definitely a wake-up call to see myself so low and in the last tier.

You’re welcome, Tijuana. Seriously though, I’m glad my making fun of him turned into something positive and I’m rooting for Calvin.


Fernando Cruz, #63 Overall
Profile Link: fcruz
Pre-Draft Ranking: #4
Selected: #4 OL
Analysis: Cruz is another Very Big Boi, measuring 6’7 and weighing 340 lbs. For context, he weighs more than 339 1 lb bags of flour. He’s very slow, which is ideal for teammates planning to play pranks on him in the locker room. He might crush your head between his hands Gregor Clegane style if he catches you, but he probably won’t catch you. He joins Tommy Sacamano and the other OL prospect who shan’t be named in Portland. I asked Fernando how he felt after finding out that he'd been drafted by the Pythons, and he had this to say:

I would like to use this opportunity to thank to all my friends and family, to everyone who supported me and to everyone who doubted me

I can't tell if he's thanking everyone who doubted him or if he trailed off as some sort of vague threat. Let's move on.


Joey McCabe, #83 Overall
Profile Link: Benthicc_Biomancer
Pre-Draft Ranking: #5
Selected: #5 OL
Analysis: McCabe went in the eleventh round to the Portland Pythons, surprising absolutely no one. Apparently Portland really, really likes offensive linemen. They’ll make a useful ally in the #OLforProBowl campaign. McCabe has been a little inconsistent in terms of activity and in collecting TPE, but I didn’t preview any other position group so you can’t blame Portland too much for taking McCabe here.

Joey had this to say:

I am stoked to have been selected by the Pythons, and by the love they showed the BIG guys in the draft. I'm really looking forward to becoming a BIG part of what they're building out there in Portland.

Big words from a big man. Excellent stuff.


Sylvester Berlin, #84 Overall
Profile Link: Epitaxi
Pre-Draft Ranking: #3
Selected: #6 OL
Analysis: Sylvester Berlin was fairly active early in the pre-draft process, but his activity waned as time passed. That likely explains his fall down the draft board when compared to initial projections. He seems more active again now that he’s been drafted, and I’m sure he’ll do great for the Portland Pythons. I asked him how he felt about being drafted to Portland, and this is what Sylvester had to say:

I suppose it’s an easy mistake to make, but I was actually one of the offensive linemen that the Pythons didn’t draft. I was drafted by Tijuana.

Good luck in Portland, Sylvester!


Jorcher Minor, #87 Overall
Profile Link: ACEPATS
Pre-Draft Ranking: #9
Selected: #7 OL
Analysis: I only ranked one lineman lower than Jorcher Minor, as he hadn’t logged in since creating his player when I wrote the previous article. Not expecting him to ever read the article, the joke I made at his expense was a bit harsher than the others. Jorcher promptly logged into the site, read the thread and has now been drafted to the same team as me. I’m hoping that we can win enough games that the 6’4, 330 lb Virginia graduate doesn’t key my car in the parking lot or steal my clothes while I’m showering after practice. If I go missing, please pass Jorcher’s information on to your local police force.


Julius Augustus, #99 Overall
Profile Link: New2this69
Pre-Draft Ranking: #6
Selected: #8 OL
Analysis: Julius Augustus’ render is of the Julius Augustus Caesar, and I was convinced that this was at least 75% of the reason he was drafted inside the top 100 overall picks. The other 29% is anyone's guess. Jules hasn’t logged in since the 22nd of February, but I’ve heard that internet access in Ancient Rome is spotty at best so he could be having issues with his ISP. Hope to see this Big 305 lb Roman Boi back soon. That’s 305 1lb bags of flour for those of you who are interested.


Gabe Nickson, #112 Overall
Profile Link: GabeNickson63
Pre-Draft Ranking: #8
Selected: #9 OL
Analysis: Gabe Nickson was drafted by the Minnesota Grey Ducks, but if I’d told you he was drafted by Portland you would’ve believed me, wouldn’t you? Gabe weighs more than 319 and less than 321 1lb bags of flour, which makes him one of the lighter prospects at the position. He hasn’t logged in since the 20th of February, but he played college ball for Wisconsin and they’re apparently good at producing offensive linemen so maybe he has a shot if he comes back.


Toshihide Matsumoto, #123 Overall
Profile Link: Ted
Pre-Draft Ranking: #10
Selected: #10 OL
Analysis: Toshihide Matsumoto was the last offensive lineman taken, because he’s the worst offensive lineman in this class. He hasn’t logged in since the 20th of February, and looking at his player name I’m guessing it’s because he’s too busy watching anime. His forum profile says that he likes football, which I’m sure will have come as a huge surprise to people looking at his profile for a football sim league forum. I don’t need to tell you which team drafted him, because you already know.


The other one: Byron Dolls, #51 Overall
Profile Link: KGBagent69
Pre-Draft Ranking: Unranked
Analysis: Sigh. I only included him because I knew people would bring him up if I didn’t. Byron is a recreate OL that for some reason didn’t show up on tpetracker or elsewhere. The secrecy surrounding Dolls has me convinced he’s a spy, a mole sent by HO to infiltrate the #OLforProBowl and wider OL civil rights movement with the intention of destroying it from the inside. Stay vigilant, do not trust this man and continue the fight to give offensive linemen the same rights to Pro Bowl appearances that the rest of us have.


Summary:
From an offensive line perspective, the draft went pretty much how I said it would. I don’t know why you bothered reading anyone else’s draft articles. It seems pretty clear to me that the DSFL GMs just read my article and largely drafted OL talent in accordance with it. That, or I’m a really good talent scout. Maybe both? Anyway, you can send me a cut of your GM paycheck whenever - just message me and ask me for my Venmo.

Ready to be graded. 1573 words.

[Billybolo53]

#fairrubs #olintheprobowl

[RainDelay]

#OLInTheProBowl

[TommyThaMan]

#OLintheProBowl

Thanks for believing in us big boys