*The Funny 115: NSFL Edition #3

[RainDelay]

Welcome to the first edition of the "Funny 115", a series of, yes, one hundred and fifteen articles of varying length covering some of the nonsensical hilarity that often ensues around the site. This series was inspired by Mario Lanza, who writes about the popular American and Australian reality TV show, Survivor. So if you like that show, or just want to make sure I'm not making that up, go check it out.

I know, a lot of dumb shit happens around this site, and we often find ourselves laughing at most of it, so if there's something you'd like to see me cover, please slide into my DMs and drop me a line.

Other installments of the series can be found here:
1. Death, Taxes and Expansion
2. That Damned John Elway Card

Now on to today's article:

A team's logo may not mean all that much when it comes to performance on the field, but for some people, it's everything. Brand recognition is what drives people in society towards certain products. Recognizable logos are a vital part of an effective advertising scheme, and from what I learned in my 4 months as a marketing major before I switched to something that was even REMOTELY interesting, I know that a logo draws attention, and sticks in people's heads, for better or worse.


Why stop at a random convenience store when you can just stop at 7/11?

While this can be said about stores, clothes, and other purchasable items, the same is true for teams.

There's a good way to do it:


Rappers wear New York Yankees hats all the time

And there's a BAD way to do it:


This looks like somebody fucked up the LA Dodgers and wasn't shy about it.

I get it, when you're working for a professional sports team, all the pressure is on and you have to hammer out a fine logo for everyone in the damn world, something the Chargers didn't do, so they reverted to their old, much better, lightning bolt.

But when you are making a logo for, say, the National Sim Football league...

...all the pressure is still on, of course. This league is full of petty critics, myself included.

Could I find something wrong with every logo in both the NSFL and DSFL? Sure, RainDelay is all-knowing. But that wouldn't be that much fun. So I picked out three lucky winners instead.

First up may actually be the most offensive of the group, the DSFL franchise everyone knows as the Connecticut Defenders. (ironically this may be the hardest to defend)

Wait, you've never heard of that team?

Sorry, what I meant was: Let me introduce you to the franchise known as the Norfolk fucking SeaWolves!


I'll admit, I was a bit surprised (and disappointed) they didn't replace the baseball with an awkwardly circular football.

This is a BLATANT rip of an already professional team's logo. They didn't steal it from some high schooler's DeviantArt page, they stole it from Minor League Baseball. All they did was take out "Connecticut Defenders" and the baseball. I actually would've left the baseball in, it could've actually drawn less attention to it. Nobody is going to suspect the man holding the gun is responsible for the double murder that happened in the third-story study room.


"I was the only one in the house, but it couldn't have been me, right?"

But OK, if that's the brand they want to go with, that's fine. I'll accept clear examples of plagiarism if it makes sense.

....Norfolk Seawolves...

SeaWolves.

SEA WOLVES???

Where the fuck is the Sea Wolf?


See wolves? I don't see any wolves, Abbott!

But in the end, it's all good. Everyone can be left in wonder like me at what they were thinking. Maybe they wanted us to all ponder it. A conversation starter, of sorts. I have a jacket from high school that simply reads "Long Island Champions". The point of leaving off what we competed in was for the reason of someone asking. It was a purposeful act, and many people asked. That must definitely be the reason they ripped an MiLB logo and gave it a stupid name. At least they have future Hall of Famers on their squad.


Madison Bumgarner playing for the Norfolk SeaWolves, colorized.

That was bad, but as Swizz Beatz would say, "we are on to the next one".

No, DSFL, I'm not done with you just yet.

In the DSFL GM area, the logos were announced one by one. First was the Chicago Fidget Spinners.

Then came my team, the Portland Pythons.

Rumors say you could hear chatter in the background that sounded like, "That's a nice purple and gold color scheme you got there, it would be a shame if someone took it."

A day later, we are blessed with this:

Hope you're a fan of MS Paint.

No, Paul, I'm not.

Kansas City Coyotes

No fucking way. They took our color scheme. Like damn near exactly. And they didn't do it a shred of justice either, with that MS paint logo. I was about to bring up the color thing, but Ballerstorm stepped in with some good shit.

Have you reached out to Enigmatic or another grafx wiz to ask them to take that image and maybe make it a little more refined and high quality?

Translation to Baller-nese: Why are you submitting a paint logo you shithead?

Quick, Paul, why did your wife leave?

it's tiny.

Channeling my inner Frozen, I Let it Go. I just made it a point to become the best team that wears purple and gold, and I sleep better knowing that we didn't rip off our DSFL logo. (Smh Norfolk and Kansas City)


"I don't know where I am, but it sure as shit doesn't look like Kansas City"

Now let us have some real fun! On to the real reason we came out tonight, on to the whole Enchilada!

*Sorry if referencing Enchilada triggers SaberCats players, it seems like just about everything does these days*

The Baltimore Hawks had a pretty drab logo. It was black, very dark blue, and dark red. It didn't stand out, and was widely regarded as one of the worst in the league. So naturally, everyone was excited when:

THE BALTIMORE HAWKS ARE REBRANDING, AND THEY ARE INVITING YOU TO JOIN THEM AS THEY ANNOUNCE A NEW COLOR SCHEME, LOGO, STADIUM, AND UNIFORMS!!!

10 AM PST: New Color Scheme and Logo Announced

11 AM PST: New Stadium Announced

12 PM PST: New Uniforms

BE THERE OR BE SQUARE

Look at all those caps, we've found the anti-Tim-Pest

This...is exciting, to say the least. I, for one, was really hyped to see the changes. Was everyone else?

Excellent, can't wait to see!

would be cooler if it was madden and we could actually see new uniforms and shit

Live interceptions would be waaayyy cooler as well

SO hyped and glad we're doing the rebrand! Love to see it all unveiled tomorrow.

Even the HAWKS players are really excited! This must be some crazy rebrand!

"This must be some crazy rebrand!"

Famous last words.

[div align=\\\"center\\\"]NEW LOGO


NEW COLOR SCHEME

Gold (#c1c763)
Black (#000000)
White (#ffffff)[/div]

Oh my word. They took an awful logo and made it...

...awful-er? Sorry @Deusolis , I know never to sacrifice prose for word count or added effect.

Everyone was so hyped before the reveal, so naturally the hype train will continue, right?

Is this supposed to be an improvement or

Nope, it's a clear step backwards.

The logo looks worse imo

3 articles in, and Noble has stated the obvious in each one. I sense a recurring theme.

@RainDelay which episode of the Funny 115 is this going in?

Oh, Adam, you know me too well!

Hawk in my username...

Bleeds black and gold...

Am I co-gming the wrong team?

#NawNaw

Stfu u furry

but fr... Instead of the constant unnecessary berating you guys are receiving. You could have definitely done something better in my opinion! Ya'll have a great name, if you took the time you could get a great new logo

Translation: I'm new and I have to be nice, but y'all some dumbasses

Come on Baltimore. You really could have done infinitely better. Instead of building a new brand, you chose to take the current one, which was more stale than the Corn Flakes you buy when your aunt comes to town and then sit in the cabinet for three months, and add silly putty yellow to it, making it look both ridiculous and just plain bad.

At least the roster is looking good. Darlane Farlane continues to improve, and that Matthew Vincent guy just took over as your top receiver. That's awesome!

Please Retire Matthew Vincent at the end of the season

Pour one out for the fallen homie. And by "one" I mean some liquid that is that toxic color.

But that's it, Baltimore. I'll stop. I was also looking forward to a recolored stadium, but you also didn't pull through. Sad.

That's it for the logos for today...

*ring ring*

Hello?

BUT RAINDELAY YOU STILL HAD ONE MORE THING TO SAY

I...I did?

YEAH YOU WANTED TO REMIND THE COMMUNITY THAT...

Oh, yeah, bye.

The Liberty logo still looks like Taco Bell.




Until next time, folks. Keep your stick on the ice.

GRADED

[timeconsumer]

A much better showing than last time. This one gets an 8/10.

[ItsJustBarry]

Oh yes. The rare and rather elusive hooded python.

[RainDelay]

A much better showing than last time. This one gets an 8/10.

Lol thanks!

OOC, what was the first one rated?

[RainDelay]

Oh yes. The rare and rather elusive hooded python.

That was initial release and its since been changed.

[Anti-Hype]

Oh yes. The rare and rather elusive hooded python.

We cut his hood off cause everyone picked on him lolololol

[cosbornballboy]

We cut his hood off cause everyone picked on him lolololol

Also the logic behind circumcision

[ItsJustBarry]

That was initial release and its since been changed.

On a serious note, this was a fun read and tasteful in my opinion.

[adam2552]

At least we own the Taco Bell comparison, even let them buy the naming rights to our stadium, the famous Taco Bell Stadium!

[RainDelay]

On a serious note, this was a fun read and tasteful in my opinion.

Thank you! I'm glad to hear it!